I awaited patiently in my room, time ticking closer, my leg jittering as I bounced it anxiously. I can't remember the last time I spoke with a therapist, though I believe it was to garner the pills I stopped taking when Sandor told me to.
I sighed covering my face with my hands.
I hated feeling like this, this impending doom of gross anxiety, hugging my chest, weighing my stomach. The pounding lethargy crawling up my throat, desperation in its grips. Though like everything, it will soon fall back down, back in its acidic pouch of pink, alone to fester.
I don't want to be alone.
Not now.
Not like this.
I don't want to be left like this.
"Joe-" I gulped, removing my hands from my face, gazing over at the door as Isabel stood in the door way, face fixed with concern.
"Mrs. Peddling is ready to see you Joe." She said as I nodded, hesitantly leaving my bed, following her through the corridor.
"Are you doing alright Joe?" She asked as I shrugged. She pursed her lips and gently patted my shoulder as we walked through a couple double doors, soon standing at an office.
"This is where I leave you Joe, Mrs. Peddling's just in there, I'll be back to collect you soon." Isabel said as I watched her turn on her flats and walked back to the ward. While I stood looking at the door, I was hesitant to knock but the door seemed to open, presumably Mrs. Peddling heard our conversation and decided to not take any chances.
"Hello Joe! Come on in!" She said, she had a fairly heavy accent. Sounded like she was from some part in Birmingham. Though I could be wrong.
"Take a seat." She indicated as she sat at her desk, I obliged and sat with her at her desk, opposing the opposite.
"How're you doing Joe?" She asked as I hummed and shrugged awkwardly, she nodded clicking her tongue.
"How's your experience been so far in St. Jude's?" She asked as she fumbled with things on her desk, sorting out her pens and straightening out her notebook.
"It's been fine, everyone's been kind to me so far and I've managed to make friends here." I said as she hummed, her tune heightened and interested.
"Oh really? That's nice to hear." She smiled, pushing up her glasses.
"How about you tell me about yourself for this first session, so maybe you'd feel more comfortable talking to me." She pointed at me with her un-capped pen.
"Umm- well my name is Joe Herbert, I'm 20 years old, I have an older sister called Tilly- well foster sister!" I gulped rubbing the back of my head, gently feeling my curls.
"I have 6 friends including Tilly but Campbells my best friend!" I smiled as I brought my hand back down, clasping them together between my legs.
"And what's Campbell like?" Mrs. Peddling wondered as I hummed thinking about it.
"Well he's really kind, very energetic and quite loud but not in a bad way! I enjoy his energy, his mindfulness and his talent for radio! He's rather funny too." I explained as she jotted something down in her notebook, I gulped.
"He sounds lovely." She said as I nodded twiddling my thumbs, keeping my hands preoccupied.
"He is." I whispered, turning my head to look out the window. It was raining, to no surprise.
I've always wondered what it'd be like to be a raindrop.
Just falling from an ashy cloud, other small similar beings falling with you, just moments of pure ecstasy as your quickly viewing sites or tall forests till you edge closer to the ground and- Splat!
Would you then start again as a rain drop or would you become something in the ground?
I'd like to find out one day, whether it's by dream or some sort of miracle.
I'd like to find out.
{Time-Skip}
After my session I returned to my room, I couldn't help but watch the small storm. It grew harrowing as the wind picked up a bit, listening to it howl as it seeped in through the slits of the window. I watched the rain being aggressively blown onto the Paine, I could only sympathise for the small droplets.
I placed my hand on the glass before settling down on my bed, I didn't even bear a sigh.
The rain didn't deserve it.
There was a knock at my door and in poked Campbells head like a little dog just coming back in from outside.
"Oh-" he muttered, a hand clinging to the door's exterior.
"Is this a bad time?" He asked quietly as I raised my head and gently shook it tiredly. He stressed a smile and slunk in, he slithered over to my bed and sat on the edge.
"What're you doing?" He asked, his tone was a lot more mellow, so soft like a cloud.
"Just lying down." I whispered as he sniffled a chuckle.
"Mind I join you?" He asked as I shrugged a shoulder and shuffled over, he laid down beside me. Our eyes met for a moment when he turned to face me.
"Your bed is way comfier than mine I'll tell you that." He smiled as I chuckled.
"How'd therapy go?" He asked as I hummed glancing up at the ceiling.
"It was fine, I just got to introduce myself and tell her about me, the next session is where things get serious." I told him as he cooed lowly but interested.
"Will you be okay talking about serious stuff?" He asked as I just kept my eyes on the ceiling, taking a moment to think about it. I frowned.
"I don't know Campbell- I really don't know." I sighed as Campbell gently placed a hand on my shoulder giving a rub.
"You can only try and if you don't manage it that day then I'm sure the next day might work out or the next! No one can force you to talk about your problems except you so keep that in mind." He said poking my chest as I felt a smile tug at my lips.
"Thank you Campbell." I cooed as he glanced away.
"It's no problem- just speaking from the heart y'know." He sighed running a hand through his bangs as I watched him quietly, contently, listening to the eager rain.
