We kissed in the vicinity of my bedroom, the moonlight adorning our faces, casting small delicate rays. We laid lazily on each other, legs sprawled wherever they could as our hands gripped to each other. Our hips, our chest, the tops of our heads, it was magical.
Just holding each other.
Hunching, clinging, kissing, it was all very passionate.
It was gentle and soft.
I loved every moment of it.
I think I smiled when we kissed, when Campbell held my face, when he held my side, my hip. The best part of it I wasn't nervous, I felt safe, being in his arms or when my elbow accidentally grazed past his under arm, he just giggled.
I liked the way he made me feel.
I fear I'll treasure him for as long as I can.
We soon parted, panting, as we awkwardly gazed up at one another, our cheeks warm and our chests heavy.
I smiled sheepishly to which Campbell mirrored. I laid down on his chest as he held me. We shuffled down a little so our heads were sharing the single pillow. Tiredly nesting on each other, he dragged the blanket up with his foot covering us both as we eventually settled and fell asleep in each others arms.
{Time-Skip}
We sat in the radio station, Eddie ran late today so Campbell and I took over. Wacky Jacky making another appearance.
It was rather exciting to do radio again.
I smiled wandering over to the record shelf collecting a couple and handed them to Campbell as he slid one on. We watched the residents dance or shuffle or whatever their little bodies could muster. Each face grinning or chuckling as they swung to the music. I sat back down beside Campbell, I could feel his fingertips sneak onto my thigh, squeezing it gently.
Like we were two lovers in a car.
I squirmed uncomfortably a little, not because of Campbell but because of my comparison. The car, well it wasn't really a car though cars were involved too. It's not really something I want to think about right now but it bloody makes me feel like an awful person.
God what was I thinking.
God what am I doing?!
Here I am thinking of my god awful past when I could be having a bloody good ol' time with Campbell right now but my brain just has to ruin bloody everything.
It's frustrating.
I can't enjoy anything can I.
I sighed glancing over at Campbell, he was no longer holding onto my thigh, he was busy giving the record player attention. Switching over the record to a new selected one before gazing at me, cocking a brow.
"You okay?" He asked as I just stared at him, slowly looking over at the motion filled crowd and shrugged.
"We can talk later if you like? In private? In my room?" He suggested rubbing my thigh again as I hummed unsure.
I had therapy after this and I'd rather not talk to Campbell about the princess and whatever.
I wanted that memory buried along with Sandor. Literally. I mentally grimaced.
{Time-Skip}
"Welcome back Joe." Ms. Peddling smiled, I awkwardly waved and smiled back at her as I took my seat.
It was grey today.
So I had no raindrops to distract me.
"Our last session was relatively well, you did tell me some thing but I know I can't force you to talk about particular moments in your life you don't want brought up but it can be beneficial Joe." She said clicking her pen as I shifted uncomfortably, tight lipping my mouth.
She sighed clicking her own again, settling it down.
"How're you feeling today Joe?" She asked as I shrugged. I knew what I was feeling, I knew the reason, I just didn't want to tell her cause then she'll ask.
'Why do you feel like that Joe?'
And I wouldn't know what to say because I don't want to tell her about the princess or the kidnapping or Sandor or anything. I wanted to keep the memory buried, keep it away, not let anyone else know because nobody else needed to know.
It was pointless.
"I'm fine." I told her.
"Just fine?" She questioned as I glanced out the window out of the corner of my eyes.
"Yeah, just fine." I nodded gazing back at her as she stared at me like she was examining my face. I held out a gulp as she soon leaned back satisfied with my answer.
"How's your sister?" She asked as I frowned unsure. I haven't heard from her in a while so I actually wasn't sure how she was.
"I'm actually not quite sure, I haven't seen her in a few days you see." I said as Ms. Peddling nodded. Honestly I didn't know whether to worry or be normal about her lack of appearance. In our old house with our foster parents, she was the first to leave the coup in her portable mini van, her little home. I say 'little' with a lace of sarcasm cause it was far from little, it was decently sized.
"And your parents?" She asked.
"Absolutely nothing." I said, I hadn't heard from my parents since I moved out. We didn't really keep in touch, we never really spoke like people, it was depressing really. It's not like they hated me but it's not we liked each other either.
We were just acquaintances living in the same room.
"How would you say your relationship is with your parents?" She pondered.
"Deader than the man under the railroad tracks." I muttered before biting my tongue, I had caught myself off guard, I had spilled. Shit.
I think it caught Ms. Peddling off guard too as her eyes widened, she sat up and there she clicked her pen.
"That's a very odd expression Joe." She cleared her throat as I glanced off, occupying my hands.
"Is it not an expression? Do you know the man on the railroad? Who is he Joe?" She asked fumbling for her notebook as I stuck a fist in my mouth. I'm such a fool.
I just had to go and open my big fat gob.
I got up from the chair and started to pace.
"I didn't mean it, it slipped out! Please! I didn't even kill him! He did it himself! I watched- and by watch I mean I wasn't expecting him to do it! I was just talking trains to him!" I explained running a hand through my curls as I stopped pacing, gazing out the window panicked.
"Joe it's okay, come sit down, I believe you son okay but you just have to talk me so I can help." She cooed, reassuring me as she beckoned me over back to my seat.
I couldn't.
I didn't want to tell her anything in the first place.
I covered my mouth hastily and backed off.
"I can't I'm sorry." I quivered.
"Joe please, you're okay." She got up from her seat as I stumbled back towards the door.
"I can't." I muttered before exiting swiftly, running down the hall towards the main ward. I could feel Ms. Peddling watching me as I ran off, I felt gross.
I hurried, slamming through doors and slid a bit entering the facility. Eyes, all I could see were eyes, eyes everywhere, staring, watching me, ugly, disgusting eyes.
Why must they stare at me?!
It wasn't my fault.
Look else where.
I frowned.
I bit a finger anxiously as I continued down the hall to my room. Entering it and shutting the door for the rest of the day.
