Random Writings Of A Random Writer

Atychiphobia

Today had been very hard.

Tessa sat alone in the little tower she liked to get away in. She was cross-legged on the floor and let her tears glow freely. She'd just come from another meeting with the two other tribe alphas. Another 3 hours of Xander berating her and telling her how inadequate her knowledge was, and how she would fail to run the tribe her parents had lead and protected. Another day were Veres played mediator between the 2 extremes, yet she knew his thoughts were the same. She was too young, too inexperienced, too soft, too weak. Useless. Stupid. Unworthy.

Sobs escaped her as the words echoed through her head again and again. And worse was Veres trying to soften the blows by bringing up her father.

"I was very good friends with your father, he was a wise man and I see him in you."
"Your father did give you part of the skills you need to lead, however since he was killed before he was able to finish teaching you it would be cruel to exspect you to lead."

Tessa felt like she was failing, that she had failed. Her father would have wanted her to take care of this tribe and yet the other two Alphas were telling her she wasn't enough. Couldn't be enough. She was failing the very father Veres constantly brought up.

Hysteria grew in her chest as memories flooded her mind. Tessa tried choke down the gasps and cries caused by the mental images, but she could not. She curled in on herself and shook with horror.

She didn't even realize someone had come in until she felt hands gently touching her back, her shoulder, trying to grap her hands. She could distantly hear a familiar voice but through the mental haze she couldn't recognize it. It took several minutes of the other person patting her shoulder and speaking softly to her before she calmed down enough to recognize him.

"Kay?" She gasped in-between sobs.

"I'm right here Tess, I'm here. It's ok." Her love assured her. She couldn't make out his face through her tears. He slid to the ground next to her and threw an arm lightly around her shoulders, taking care to be gentle. Tess wanted to turn to him, but her lungs refused to take in air and her body trembled with distress.

It's alright, you're safe, you're safe." Kaiden repeated. "Here, can you listen to my breathing for just a moment luchamohor?"

Kaiden slowly moved her head to rest in the middle of his chest so she was hearing his breathing and, faintly, his heartbeat. Kaiden wrapped his arms loosely but protectively around her shoulders as loud gasps shook her body, and tears ran down her face.

"I've got you." He whispered. Tessa got control of her breathing after a few more minutes. Listening to Kaiden's steady heart and even breaths helped to calm her down. Once the worst had past Kaiden gave her an encouraging squeeze.

"I'm going to go get a wash cloth for your face. I'll be right back, is that ok?" He said into her hair. Tessa barely managed a nod. He let her go and she stayed in a hunched position on the floor until he was back with a rag. Tenderly, he took her chin in his hand and tilted her face up. His oakwood eyes were full of deep concern, but he said nothing as he used the damp rag to clean her face. He got most of the tears and sweat and then Tessa took the rag to finish cleaning herself, she would be embarrassed about it if she had enough emotions left to care. But she really didn't. She finished wiping her face and sighed. Her chest still ached.

"Thank you Kaiden." Her voice was barely audible.

"Of course." He returned, kissing the top of her head. She leaned against his shoulder and closed her eyes. Still focusing on taking deep breaths.

"What scared you, Tresure?" He asked gently. "If you want to tell me."

"It was nothing." Tessa said quickly, she moved away and rubbed her wrist, something she always did when she was anxious. "I just go overwhelmed, I'm fine." Kaiden frowned, not believing the lie.
"Hm. Ok." He resigned. He got up and took the rag from the floor, putting it away. He came back over and offered her his hands, pulling her slowly to her feet. Tessa didn't say anything, which only made Kaiden more anxious.

"So, um, I came looking to ask if you wanted to come over for dinner tonight. I went to your house first but Cal said you weren't there so I figured you were probably here. We're having a boar roast and I know those are your favorite so," He smiled at her. "Can you come over tonight?"

Tessa managed a faint smile and nodded. His rambling was so cute it distracted her from the inner turmoil.

"Yeah, that'd be fine." She said, her voice was soft and strained. Kaiden frowned again and pulled her into a hug, nuzzling his face into her hair.

"You're worrying me. Are you sure you're ok?" He pleaded.

"I'm fine." Tessa insisted. "You're a great charricorri, thanks for breaking me out of that."

"I'm here for you Tess." He restated. It was a reminder and a promise. She smiled and backed out of the hug.

"Did you know I love you?" She asked him, trying to be playful.

"Hmmmmm, nope doesn't sound familar." Kaiden said with a shrug. Tessa rolled her eyes and grabbed his hands, pulling him to her so she could kiss his cheek.

"I love you." She whispered. Kaiden smirked and copied her kiss.

"I love you too. You hungry yet?"

"I'm always hungry, you know that." Tessa teased. Kaiden chuckled and placed an arm around her back, guiding her out of the tower and back into the village towards his house.