this is me trying

you've been my muse for a long time

"Sharing my heart. It's tearing me apart. But I know I'd miss you baby if I left right now."

Christen watched Serenity pad into her kitchen with a soft expression. Serenity seemed skittish, like a scared baby deer. One wrong move and she would scurry away, never to be seen again.

And Christen couldn't let that happen.

So, she slid a smoothie bowl over to Serenity. An old habit from college.

She sat down on the stool across from Serenity, laying her head down on her hands.

"Kelley's on her run so you can talk freely."

Serenity only nodded, grateful her best friend knew her so well.

"How'd you sleep?"

Serenity chuckled at the question, she poked at her breakfast with a spoon, "You should know. You were there."

Christen only shrugged. Serenity had tossed and turned the entire night. She only got a few hours of sleep herself. She couldn't imagine much more for Serenity.

"Sorry about that, by the way. Popping in on you. I know you and Kelley were probably going to do something gross."

Christen smiled softly, "It's not a problem. You were always supposed to spend the night, I just thought you'd head home after you left the party."

"Yeah..."

Christen sat up straighter, her hand tapping at the marble countertop, "Alex came looking for you."

Serenity hummed, feigning disinterest, "I'm sure she did."

"Yeah, she seemed kind of upset. Which is odd for someone who just got laid. We told her you had UberPooled with Ashlyn."

Serenity didn't say anything to suggest she was actually listening to Christen. But Christen knew she was.

"You know I hate lying, Serenity."

Tears welled up in the corner of Serenity's eyes, "I know, but I just couldn't...face her. And I didn't want to leave without Drew. Thank you for covering for me. Both of you."

Christen sighed, "You know I'd do it anytime. Without blinking. But I would also like to know why I had to. Like, I get you had sex and you probably shouldn't have, but Serenity...it's Alex. You know her! What would have happened if you had just talked to her?"

"I don't know and I'm too afraid to find out. She didn't choose me, Chris. I chose her and she chose herself. She's selfish, arrogant, and a coward."

"And what are you?"

Serenity promptly shut up. She could see the hypocrisy in her words, but, it was bigger than that. Whatever this was, it was bigger than them.

"Do you think you're the same person you were in college, Seri?"

"No."

"Then why would you think Alex is?"

Serenity rolled her eyes, Christen wasn't getting it. And how could she? Kelley had never really gotten the chance to break Christen's heart. She didn't know what it was like to have your...your person do that to you.

"What would I have even said to her, Chris? 'Funny seeing you here with your stupidly gorgeous face buried in my vagina!'?"

"Sure, if it would have started a conversation between the two of you."

Serenity shook her head in exasperation, "Whatever. It doesn't matter now, because it won't happen again."

"So every time you see her you're just going to pretend it didn't happen?"