this is me trying

get someone you love, get someone you need

"I hate to think about you with somebody else"

Alex didn't really know how to feel about the whole sort of accidentally coming out thing.

Her words were just a slip of the tongue and she hadn't really been thinking. She just said it naturally. That's how her truth had presented itself in her mind, so that's what left her mouth.

She hadn't thought twice about filtering her words, or backtracking. That was just what happened and there was no use in trying to remedy it.

Though, there was something freeing in the reveal. She had the ability to just be. To just exist as she had wanted to since she was that scared little 19 year old girl in college.

She had enough queer teammates to know, now, that she wouldn't lose her status as the face of US Soccer. A fact that had been difficult to reconcile even just a few months prior. She may lose a few fans, but did she even want those people attached to her? Not really.

She had been liberated. A weight lifted off her shoulders. Well, until something else inevitably bogged her down.

In a way, she had also removed another obstacle between a real relationship with Serenity. Her being closeted was one of the main sources of their failure to work. Like most things, it often fell to Alex to fix it, mainly because she had been the one to break it.

Maybe now, Serenity would take her seriously. But even Alex knew that was a long shot. It wasn't like Serenity was going to "break up" with Kelsey and run into Alex's open arms.

She thinks they're at a point where she can't fix anything.

Alex sighed at the text from her agent. It suggested that she confirm in "undeniable words" about her sexuality, or run the risk of people creating their own narratives. Something they did not want. She supposed she had a point.

Her agent had her social media manager draft up something quick and within her aesthetic. A simple, yet professional photo of her. The lighting being blues, purples, and pinks. The caption being "Bisexual lighting".

Alex signed off on it, and it was posted within minutes. She immediately turned her Instagram notifications off. She did not want to bare witness to what storm was brewing on that app.

Besides, she needed to focus. Today they played the gold medal game against Spain.

Spain was a formidable team, but she was feeling good. They had this in the bag. She wanted it too bad to let it go.

She wanted a lot of things too bad to let them go.

Serenity💋: I'm proud of you

Alex's chest started to fold in on itself.

Alex💙1️⃣3️⃣: what for?

Serenity💋: you know

Alex did know. She just had a tendency to hedge her bets when it came to Serenity. Call it self preservation.

It meant a lot. Serenity was proud of her.

No. It didn't mean a lot. It meant everything.

Kelley hopped into Alex's field of vision, "Bus time! We're winning a gold medal today!" She grabbed Alex's hand and dragged her to the aforementioned bus.

"We better."

Kelley hummed, "We will. Don't sweat it. Then we'll have fun at the victory parties like last time. I can already taste champagne."

Alex laughed softly, "Are you an alcoholic?"

"No. Christen won't let me."

"Good."