Finding Home

Chapter Twenty Two-Paige

Paige needed to put some distance between her and Nathan. She was getting too close and would end up hurt. Part of her wondered if he was only doing this because of the mate bond. Would he be trying this hard to wake her wolf and win her back if he wasn't feeling its pull? Granted, she wouldn't know she had a wolf if it wasn't for him but the doubt was still there in the back of her mind. He had already chosen the pack over her once. She couldn't blame him, she would have done the same in his position but what's to say he wouldn't choose them again.

She wasn't confident they could wake her wolf. It had been three days, she only had four before she flew back to London and they hadn't had any success yet. They tried hypnotherapy, mind altering drugs, and even slight shock therapy to see if her wolf would come out to protect her. She didn't have as much faith in this one as she had been in plenty of dangerous situations without her wolf showing up. All of it was done under the healers and doctor's supervision but it had all been to no avail. Either Malcolm was wrong and she didn't have a wolf, or her wolf wasn't interested in waking up.

Nathan insisted on being with her for all of it. Being so close to one another had them falling right back into their old relationship dynamic. Sometimes it felt like no time has passed at all. Like they were right back in the south pacific. Then other times it felt like was an entire continent between them again. These were mostly when Nathan couldn't control his possessiveness.

Nathan was becoming more controlling and possessive by the day. She knew it was the mate bond that was causing it but it rubbed her the wrong way regardless. Perhaps if she was feeling the bond as well, it might be different. He still was resisting asking the unpacked in the city. She knew he'd have to give in eventually, though she hoped he'd pick up the pace, time was running out.

Paige did her best to keep her family in the dark about what was happening. Her mother knew they were trying to wake her wolf but she had promised not to tell anyone else. Paige didn't want her family, especially her father, getting their hopes up about her wolf. For her mother and siblings, she knew it wouldn't change too much. They'd be happy for her and excited to share this new part of themselves that she couldn't connect to but ultimately it wouldn't change their opinion of her. Her father however; she knew that it would change everything for him.

She knew her father loved her, in his own way but she also always knew he was disappointed she was only human. He had a superiority complex typical to most werewolf males. Nothing could be better than being a werewolf and living in the pack. No matter how many times she tried to explain it to him, he could never understand why it was so uncomfortable for her. At first she tried to explain the bullying, but because it was subtle, more microaggressions than attacks, he couldn't grasp it. Then she tried to explain how it felt being left out of everything. She couldn't mind link like the rest of the pack, she wasn't as strong, as fast or as attuned as the rest of the pack. He told her that was something everyone went through before getting their wolf. He couldn't understand how that made her feel like she was still a child. Empathy was never big in his skill set.

Paige didn't want her getting a wolf to change things for her. She knew that if she got her wolf her relationship with her father would do just that. He would be proud of her in a way he wasn't now. She wanted him to be proud of her for her accomplishments not for something that she had very little control over.

After her morning run, Paige entered through the side door to find her father standing at the kitchen sink, looking out the window. She was surprised to see him. Normally by the time she got back from her run he had left for the day. She mumbled a hello and went to step around him. Grabbing a reusable water bottle from the fridge she started for the door.

"Are you seducing the Alpha?"

"Excuse me?" She asked turning back to him. He wasn't looking at her. Just staring out the window with a cup of coffee in his hand.

"You've been seen at the pack house a lot and I know you're not coming to visit me. I saw you coming out of his office the other day so I asked around, they said you've been seen with him a number of times, going in and out of his office. Someone even said you were by his study. Your behavior seems strange to me, you punch him, degrade him in front of his officers and tell him to leave you alone, and then you dance with him inappropriately at your brothers binding celebration, now you've been seen with him multiple times. The pieces only fit together one way. So I'll ask you again," he turned to level an icy stare at her. The kind that told her it would be unwise to lie to him. "Are you seducing the Alpha?"

Paige tried to filter her emotions. So many were coursing through her she didn't know where to begin. Shock that her father would ask that of her, indignation that he would think so low of her, hurt that he didn't trust her, and through all of that was betrayal. While she knew what her father thought of her and knew that he would never give her the love she wanted from him, she still wanted it. She felt like she betrayed herself for wanting that. She also felt betrayed by his assessment of her. As she filtered her emotions she picked the one that seemed like it would protect her the most.

"I don't see what it matters to you." She said indignantly.

His face contorted in anger. "It matters because it affects our family. It affects me. What you do reflects on us and I can't have you trolloping around and seducing the Alpha. It's bad enough you don't live with the pack but now you flit in and out like this! It's a disgrace!"

"Wow dad, tell me what you really think." Her voice dripped with sarcasm. Being back home had pushed her back into who she was before she left. But being around Nathan was pulling her back into who she was in the real world. Her father's face turned red.

"Watch you tone child!" he said through gritted teeth.

"No father. I am an adult and you made it perfectly clear I was no longer your child six years ago, if I ever really was."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"It means that you cared more for Micah and Sophie than you ever did for me. It means that after everything I have accomplished, none of it is good enough for you, because I was never what you wanted me to be. I never got a wolf. Well, news flash if you didn't want a human child  you shouldn't have fucked a human." Her voice was laced with anger. As soon as the words left her mouth she knew the truth of them. He regretted her. Her regretted that he had an affair with a human and she was the result. He regretted that he had a child by woman who wasn't his mate. Regardless of the fact that his mate treated her as his own,

"What has gotten into you? This is not the daughter I raised!"

"No, it's not, but it's who I am." Venom spit from her lips with every word. "The daughter you raised was an empty shell who was always trying to measure up to her fathers impossible standards. A girl who couldn't think or fight for herself, who was wholly dependent on you and this pack."

"No, that daughter I raised was respectful, was obedient, was committed to being a part of this family. Where did that girl go?"

"YOU ABANDONED HER!" She shouted at him. "In a Boston restaurant, six years ago!" She took a breath and tried to rein in her red-hot anger. It had been building in her for years. She tried to let it go, she honestly thought she had but now it came flaring back to life. She lowered her voice as her words rumbled out of her, like an oncoming storm they lashed out "You abandoned her when she stopped doing exactly as you said, when she dared to think for herself, when she learned to stand on her own. I am who she became despite you. I am respectful to those deserving of respect. I am obedient to those worthy of obedience. I have never stopped being a part of this family, it was you who stopped being a part of mine, and I have never been more grateful for it."

She left before he could say anymore to her. The anger coursing through her made her want to move. She needed an outlet, someone she could rant to, something she could wail on. She had done fight training all pack members went through before they got their wolves and in college she had taken a practical self defense course. It was a mixed-martial arts class that included self-defense philosophy as well as kick-boxing and ground fighting. She liked it so much that she stuck with it, progressing even as far as to win a few of her inner-gym tournaments, though she never wanted to compete for real.

She checked her watch, the warriors should be finishing their training soon. If she jogged to the pack house gym it would be mostly empty by the time she got there. She could sneak in as people were leaving and get some bag time. She hadn't been training while being home so she didn't have need to ask about using the gym. She didn't care if she was supposed to or not. In her opinion, it was better to beg forgiveness than ask permission.