Finding Home

Chapter Forty Four-Paige

Paige was only out for a few hours this time. When she woke she was in pain everywhere. She glanced around the room and couldn't see any one but she knew Nathan was around. She could sense he was there but couldn't see him.

"Nathan?" She asked. She heard movement from the side of her bed.

"Paige!" He said, his voice a mixture of shock and relief. She tried to turn her head but found she couldn't, he stepped into her line of sight and leaned down to kiss her gently on the forehead.

"Where is everyone?" She asked.

"They went home. You've only been out for a few hours, we were expecting it to be days like last time."

"Why can't I move?" She wanted to reach out and hold his hand but couldn't move her arms.

"They had to immobilize you," he answered. "You broke almost every major bone in your body and dislocated a number of joints. You can only move small muscle groups." She wiggled her fingers, he saw and reached down and held her hand. The tingles she had felt before whenever they touched were more intense now. It was almost an electric shock.

"What happened? Did I shift? Did you see my wolf?"

"Why don't you tell me what you remember." He said gently, as if he knew something but wanted to check what she knew first. Her mind was foggy, she wasn't sure what she remembered.

"Um," she groaned out a breath. "I remember, I was sitting in the clearing, trying to meditate and picture my wolf like they told me too. Um, then there was pain, lots of pain." She closed her eyes at the memory. "I don't really remember anything after that."

Doctor Lawrence and Healer Hartland rushed in the room. The both looked like they had just woken up. "Sorry," the doctor said, "We weren't expecting you to wake up so soon. How are you feeling?"

"Everything hurts."

"That's to be expected, first shifts are often painful for a days afterwards."

"So I shifted then? Why don't I remember it?" The three of them looked at each other. "What? What aren't you telling me?"

"Let's start here Paige," Healer Hartland said gently. "Do you feel another presence in your mind? Like a separate voice that's completely separate from your own internal monologue."

"Um, no?" Paige said hesitantly. "Should I?" The doctor and healer looked at each other again. Paige looked at Nathan, pleadingly. "Please, tell me what happened."

"Well, we're not sure. We saw different things and since you can't remember..." He let the sentence trail off and took a breath. "You were in pain and crying out then there was a blinding light, it was hard to see you. But to me it was like you kept changing. One minute you'd be you and the next you'd be a wolf."

"It looked like that to you?" she said cautiously, processing what he had said. "But not to anyone else?"

"No one else could see through the light." The doctor said quietly.

"Can some one bottom line it for me? I'm too tired to make all the connections you're leading me too."

"Physically, you have all the symptoms of an incomplete shift," the doctor started. "You broke multiple bones, seemingly without cause, which is how we shift." Paige knew this, it was basic werewolf knowledge. Their bones break and reform as a wolf. It's only the advanced healing magic that the moon goddess granted them that allowed them to do it without pain or lasting damage.

"But?" Paige asked when the doctor didn't go on.

"But, you're not healing like a werewolf would. Your bones are still broken. And you also don't sense the presence of your wolf in your mind."

"Malcom says he can still sense your wolf. It's like she's still sleeping. He says it's not as deep a slumber than before but she's still asleep."

"So what you're all telling me is that it didn't work?" Paige said it like it was more of a statement than a question. She wanted someone to refute it but they didn't say anything. "It didn't work, and now every large bone is broken, I don't have a wolf to heal me." She was trying to keep the pain from her voice for Nathan's sake. She knew he was struggling with this, maybe more than she was.

She wanted this to work so desperately. She wanted the life she'd been envisioning since Nathan told her they were mates. She hadn't let herself actively imagine it until their date but it had been there in the back of her mind. A future with Nathan was what she wanted but she couldn't do it with out a complete mate bond.

The pack was only as strong as it's leaders. It needed a mated Alpha AND Luna to be at it's strongest. Whether it was fated mates or chose mates it was the same. They both needed to be marked and mated to lead. While Paige didn't necessarily believe in her, she knew that the Moon Goddess wouldn't allow Nathan to stay unmated forever. If they didn't complete the mate bond, then the one between her and Nathan would fade, and he would be mated to someone else.

The future she wanted was being ripped away from her again. It was just like Bali, but this time it was worse. This time she felt it ending. She felt the hope and imaginings she had held onto for the last five years slip away. Suddenly her future was bleak. It was filled with gray clouds and rain. Her options were to stay here as the human in the wolf pack. Stay with Nathan until he met his new fated mate. It'd be great while it lasted but in the end it would crush her.

Or she could go back to London. The gray, rainy city that had never quite felt like home. She'd go back to her work and her friends that never knew her quite like Nathan did. She'd try to meet someone new and move on from him. That would also crush her. So the question was to be crushed now or later.

Paige had never been one to shy from pain. She always ripped the band-aid off quickly, always confronted problems head on. When she made a decision, that was the end of it. Usually. These past two weeks with Nathan had pushed on those things. She couldn't deny the pull she felt to him. Whether it was the mate bond or the memory of the love they shared while traveling, she wasn't sure. She also wasn't sure it entirely mattered.

She knew what she had to do, as much as it would pain her to do it. Desperate to find a way out she asked, "Is there anything else? Anything else we could do wake my wolf?" She worked to keep the pain out of her voice, to keep it from breaking. By the look on the doctor and healer's face she knew there wasn't. She cleared her throat and looked down to keep from crying.

"We'll keep looking," Healer Hartland said, trying to be reassuring. "We can reach out to other packs, look at more histories. We'll find something." She spoke forcefully, as if by speaking like that she could will it into being. Paige's heart sank despite her tone and her decision settled into her heart. It weighed heavily but it was the only viable option.

Nathan put a hand to her cheek, turning her to look at him. "This isn't the end, okay? We will figure something out." He spoke with the same determination as Healer Hartland, but Paige knew it was really a fools hope. She could only nod at the questioning look in his eyes. The doctor and healer said their goodbyes and her and Nathan settled down to sleep. As she waited for sleep to come she started planning her departure. Putting aside the pain of her heart breaking she started making a mental list of everything she needed to do to leave. She repeated that list over and over again until she finally fell asleep.