my life had gone on. years had passed since that phone call, i think it haunted me in my sleep. i never forgot the echo of the words that he had said to me. i really had tried, i had tried my very hardest to forget every single thing about him. his laugh, his hair, his nose, his mouth, his eyes. he had grown his roots so deeply into me i was no longer able to uproot them. i knew he had a girlfriend. nearly five years had passed so she wasn't exactly new. they had been happily dating for four years, i knew this because i couldn't stop myself from stalking his socials.
my heart would wrench so hard that i think i felt it physically palpitate. the hardest part was also losing my best friends. chris was the first to go, he was quick to take matt's side. there wasn't exactly a side to take, but he just didn't try to get my side of things. nick was next, he just grew. he grew so much that he had actually grown away from me. like a sunflower facing the sun, but the sun was the opposite direction of me. madi and i still kept in contact, even if it was sparse she still tried to come and see me every couple of months.
i was glad to have her at the very least. it took me a long time to move on after losing all three of my favorite people all in the span of about two months. it took me years of therapy to work through the abandonment. i still couldn't talk about it out loud, but i got by, only by remembering the good memories. flour fights, the back porch, watching movies, things that could make me feel a little less like i was falling apart.
a part of me was scared that in all the time we had been apart i became... obsolete. someone they didn't talk about or even remember. i hated how well harry styles summed up my emotions and thoughts sometimes. i didn't want to be forgotten especially not by them. it would have hurt knowing that they didn't talk about me ever, but i guess i would have to live with it. maybe i'd rather not know.
i never understood how they had just... left. they were my chosen family and they left me just like my first one did. i had my own family to worry about now. my girls fifth birthday was coming up in two days. i was really excited to throw them a fun pink themed party at their favorite park. juno and celeste had grown to be my other way of healing. they were my family now, i had to be strong. for them, i would be.
"momma, can we go to the park?" juno asked in her cute little voice. "of course baby, i was just about to ask if you wanted to go," i smiled down at her. after getting all of the things we needed i drove us to the park. this one was their favorite because it had a big blue play structure, funny enough they called it blue park. "alright you two, you remember the number one rule?" i asked them as i sat down with my large tote bag. "stay in your sight," they said in sync. "yep good job, go have fun," i smoothed down some of celeste's crazy brown hair.
