With My Last Breath(Rewriting)

  Ocean breeze caressing my face, soft sand between my toes, pores soaking up the summer sun. I breathe in deeply closing my eyes. Everything is so peaceful. I have been coming to Daytona Beach ever since I was a kid. My family and I would come here every Saturday. My dad and I would build the biggest sandcastles, while my mom and the rest of my siblings just enjoyed lying out in the hot sun. It was sort of like our weekend getaway. That was until the unimaginable happened. The painful memories of that day unearth themselves, as I dig my hands deeper into the sand.

Flashback

“Nice throw Andrea!” yells my coach.

I smile and run to the back of the line. Softball practice is my favorite after school activity. I have been playing for seven years now. I glance towards the bleachers, but realize he isn’t there. I return my focus back to practice. Most of the girls on this team aren’t that good. Coach always has to tell them stay in front of the ball. Not me though. My dad has taught me everything I know about softball.

“Hey Andrea, are you coming to my birthday party after practice?” asks Sarah.

“Yes of course. I am your best friend, remember? Plus I wouldn’t miss it for anything,” I reply back smiling.

Coach hits a hard ground ball to me, but I stop it and throw it back super hard. He smiles and says, “Ouch. You definitely take after your father.”

A huge grin spreads across my face and I nod. While walking to the back of the line again, I glance over at the bleachers and he still isn’t there. He never misses my practice. I start talking to Sarah about school, when I hear a woman screaming my name. I look to the bleachers and see my mother. Coach lets me run over to see what she wants.

The closer I get, I see the black streaks running down her red cheeks. Why has she been crying? I run to her and she pulls me tight into her arms. She holds me tight for so long and doesn’t let go. “Mom, are you okay?” I ask a little scared.

She pulls me out of her tight grasp and looks me straight in the eye. “Andi, your father was in a car accident earlier today and he…he…”

“He what mom?”

“He died at the scene,” she chokes out.

I stare at her with absolute shock. There is no way; I hugged him before he went to work. I search her face for some kind of clue as to if she is lying or not, but there is nothing. I collapse to the ground, letting it sink in that my dad is dead. I scream so loud practice stops altogether. My heart aches as tears flood my eyes and pour down my cheeks. My mother pulls me back into her arms, but I push her away. Pain and heartache cross her porcelain face. I have never seen her like this. I run and wrap myself in her loving embrace. “I just want my daddy,” I choke out. Her arms tighten, as no words are exchanged.

            I look to the horizon, as my vivid memory is swept away with the waves. That was the worst month of my life. The funeral was a blurry memory to me. I was nothing, but an empty body floating from family member to family member. I had no soul. God had taken it when he took my father away from me. I quit playing softball after the accident. It just hurt too much to look at the bleachers and realize he would never see me play again.

            Over the next couple of months after my father’s funeral, I had quit every after school activity that I had participated in. I just didn’t have the heart or the passion anymore. I had become this completely different person. My personality, my looks and social life became lifeless. My wardrobe consisted of dark clothes without color or sayings. I felt that I didn’t need to add color to my life since that was nothing colorful about it. I had lost my best friend and he would never see me graduate, get married or even see his grandkids.

            Each week my friends would try to insert me into their conversations. I would just stare at them and then go back to eating my lunch. They tried this for several months, until one day changed everything.

“Andi, we were just talking about how hot the new guy is. What do you think about him?” Katie asked while looking back at him.

I was so tired of them trying to interject me into the conversation. Didn’t they get that I didn’t want to continue this thing that I called life. Looking past her shoulder, I see him sitting with the other jocks that think they run this school. Nonchalantly I say, “Well he looks like a complete douche and your tits are too small. His is already mind raping Charity’s tits with his eyes.”

The entire group gasps at what has come out of my mouth. Katie gets up from the table with tears streaming down her face, as she runs to hide in the bathroom. “Good job Andi. Exactly what were you thinking, saying that to Katie? You know how she is,” asked Brittney.

“Well… thinking is overrated. Plus it’s the truth. She will get over it and in a couple of days infatuate herself with someone else. She has a new “love” every week,” I retort smoothly.

            She just stared at me in utter shock. “You should go to the doctor Andi. Maybe there they can help you find a heart since you obviously don’t have one.”

“Whatever, Brittney. Go fuck yourself or should I say Aaron, or wait Bobby. Who is it this week?” I asked while grabbing my bag and walking away.

“You know what. It’s a good thing your father died. He probably committed suicide because he couldn’t come home to such a cold hearted bitch.”

I froze in my tracks. The cafeteria went completely silent. You could have heard a cricket fart. I quickly turned on my heel and glared at her. Dropping my backpack, I angrily walked back to her. “What did you say?” I asked through clenched teeth.

I was seething on the inside it seemed everything around me was turning red. She swallowed and quietly repeated, “It’s a good thing your father is…”

Before she could finish, I threw my shoulder into her chest knocking her over. The air escaped her lips, as her fragile body hit the floor. She gasped for air. My anger took over as my fists connected with her delicate face over and over. With each hit, I could hear her talking shit about my father, which intensified my anger even more. She squirmed and cried underneath me to stop, but the beast had been unleashed. My vision started to blur, as tears welled up in my eyes. I feel someone grab my biceps and rip me off of her. I kicked and screamed until they let go of me.

            Looking around me, I realize the entire cafeteria is watching. Principal Evans and my English teacher had ripped me off of Brittney. She lay surrounded by none other than Aaron and Bobby.  Blood oozed from her nose. Her lip had been split and her right eye was swollen shut. She glanced at me and shuddered into Bobby’s arms.

            The beast began to rise again, as I remembered what she had said. “You got lucky this time. Next time you won’t have anyone to stop me. You ever talk about my father like that again and I will kill you,” I said angrily.

“Alright, Miss Jennings that is enough. In my office now!” yelled Principal Evans.

            For giving Brittney a death threat, I got a one month suspension and a restraining order. I didn’t care. She deserved what I gave her. She had no right to talk about my father. At least with her I was telling the truth.

 After that incident I eventually lost all of the friends that I had. On top of all that my mother gave me seven kinds of hell and decided to ground me for 6 months. Being grounded wasn’t a big deal to me. What my mother didn’t realize was every night when she went to bed; I snuck out of the house and went to my favorite place.