Sagas

{17} Like minds ~ D

I opened the small fridge in my room and brought out another bottle of water. I twisted the cap open and drew it to my lips, gulping down the content in one go. Little, smooth particles of ice were left in my mouth, but they melted on my tongue like a hot, tasteless candy before I could break them down with my teeth.

I went over to my bin and added the recent empty bottle to the other pile of bottles in the trash. But the last one slipped to the floor, unable to fit in with the others. I left it there and continued pacing my room, the heel of my feet barely touching the ground as I walked back and forth.

My room was like an inferno, and nothing was helping. Not the fifth bottle of water I had pushed down my throat nor the two air conditioners that were both turned on and were both on number sixteen. The soft, visible mist of chilled air emerged from them, clouding my window and turning the outside world into a blur by causing layers of condensation to form on the glass.

I must have lost my freaking mind! How else could I explain this restlessness and the splitting headache that made the slightest movement of my head so excruciatingly painful that I felt like my temple would split open at any second and hot blood would gush out from it?

I always knew how to put myself in check before I went too far. But lately, I was getting more and more out of control. She was like the captain now, controlling my emotions as she pleased, and I was dancing to her rhythm, losing it with every day that went by.

I dropped down weakly on my rug, my hands deep in my hair, wondering how I got to this point. I wondered how it took me less than a month for my screws to weaken so much and to come so close to falling out. And what would happen then? What would happen if I lost my shit because of a girl I barely knew? A familiar stranger that was sent to destabilize the world I had put in so much effort to keep intact.

I exhaled, blowing out some steam from my lungs. But exhaling wasn't enough. I wanted another form of release. Something that could give me a semblance of control.

I wanted to break something-to hit something again and again until it crumbled under me. So I searched the room, my eyes going over my desk, my television, the flower vase, the couch, the mirror, and everything else in my possession, including those that also belonged to Lawrence.

I got to my feet and went over to the artificial globe amaranth flower on my desk. I picked up the flower vase and took out the flower from it. My eyes lingered on the plant as I placed it on the table and held the heavy vase in my hand.

The flower, with its small, bright, and striking red blooms, had always marveled me. It was the only birthday present I had ever gotten from Mother, and I still remember her sad eyes as she wordlessly handed it to me along with the vase on my tenth birthday. I have kept the flower with me ever since and never thought much about the vase until now, when I had a need for it.

The vase had to go. Something was going to break any minute from now, and it wouldn't be me.

I lifted the vase, and in one fierce motion, I flung it down. I watched as it crashed to the floor, shattering to pieces before me and sending sharp particles of ceramic flying everywhere.

What a pity. I knew how much Mother treasured this vase. It had been my grandmother's, and now, I had ruined it. But I wasn't sorry. It served a better purpose in its last moments that it did in all these years of standing still and holding artificial flowers. It had relieved me from my stress a bit. It had shattered instead of me.

The door opened, and Lawrence came in.

"What was that?" He asked, surveying the mess before him swiftly.

His eyes took in the empty bottles in the trash, the air conditioners, the scattered bed, my clothes on the couch, my disheveled hair, my tired eyes, my bare torso and shorts, and the shattered vase on the floor. He looked down at my feet and sighed in relief when he saw that I was wearing my slides.