Maroon

Eclipsed by emotions

Ishaan's POV

I hate roller coasters. They make me want to scream, cry and throw up. Just like life.

The conversation we had in the kitchen is still playing in the back of my mind. The pain on her face made me want to kill someone, these stupid ass people who are forcing their choices and decisions on us like we are some puppets in their fucked up story.

I look at Nitara sitting right in front of me. Her hair is still up in a bun and she has this fake smile on her face. It's pretty convincing but it can't fool me. Her eyes can always tell the truth. A sudden rush of guilt hits my body when our eyes meet. I don't feel guilty for something I didn't even do, I feel guilty for what I couldn't do.

"You're staring again" Kabir pokes me with his elbow
"Who cares"
"Ya well" he says "she is your lovely bride to be"
"Shut up"

"To fir taye rha, sagai agle hafte and baki shadi ki date tabhi final hogi" dadu announced
(So it's final then. Sagai next week and that is when we'll decide the date for the wedding too)

I look at Nitara again and she looks at me. There is so much happening around us right now and neither of us know how to react.

This is fun.

With that the family drama began. Everyone was congratulating each other, the sound of laughter echoed. The only ones not participating in this 'celebration' were me and her. We probably should though considering it was about us after all.

"Omg so Nitara didi is going to be a part of our family?" Priya said.
"Yes, and it's Nitara Bhabhi now" chachi corrected her.
"Aw, look how she's blushing" Nitara's dadi looked at her, with tears in her eyes.

No she did not fucking blush. The fuck?

✮✮✮✮✮✮✮

It was late when we left and it was weird how everyone in that car had a smile on their faces. It was as if I was sitting in a car filled with maniacs. I still don't know how to feel about any of this, not that it matters how I feel. Confusion and incertitude have taken over me. It's like I'm sitting in this one rollercoaster and it is just going round and round. I can't stop thinking about Nitara either.

Her eyes said so much more than words could ever.

"Ghar ki pehli shadi" ma said, as we entered, a bright smile on her face.
"We should start with the preparations soon" chachi added.

The amount of excitement here is killing me.

"Ishaan, talk to nitara and ask her about her preferences. It's her wedding after all." ma said.
"Ji"
(Yes)
"Also bhai coordinate your clothes coz thats super cute" priya chipped in
"Ji"
(Yes)
"Usko bata dena mandir ki rasam ke baare mein" chachi added
(Tell her about the madir rituals)
"Ji"
(Yes)
"Baki sari decorations ki cheeze bhi sath mein decide kar lena" great, my dad too.
(Decide all the decorations related things too)
"Ji"
(Yes)

"Kuch ho gya hai na apko?" kabir asked "isliye machine type ji ji kar rahe ho na"
(Something has happened happened to you right? That's why you are just says yes yes like a machine)
"Ek kheech ke marunga-" I move towards him as he hides behind dadu.
(I'll give a tight slap-)

Coward.

Everyones laughing again.

Why is it so easy for them to just laugh?

The discussion about my sagai went on for another hour. Don't get me wrong, I love seeing my family happy but this. This is just creepy.
Gradually everyone went to bed and I'm sure they are sound asleep right now, unlike me that is.