Sweet and Salty ~ Carl Grimes

Burn - 050

For the trigger warnings summary, go to the bottom of the chapter!!

Back at the prison, Brooks was sitting on the catwalk. Alone. She had Daryl's lighter in her hand that she was playing with. When she shot her father, her entire world crumbled. He was dead before she even knew she'd picked up the gun. Brooks had only killed nine walkers, but now her human death toll was catching up too. And, it was her father nonetheless. 

Brooks didn't even agree with the death penalty. She hated people dying. She hated that there was a time when Chris was missing, that she didn't understand why people wanted him back. Brooks knew the reason now, it was because at that time she'd never lost anyone other than fat, old Buckster. She didn't really understand death. Now, she did. And, she hated it.

She didn't want to go to war. She didn't want her family to be at risk. She didn't want Karen, or Nick, or Seb, Lizzie, Mika or anyone else at Woodbury to be at risk. She didn't want anyone to die. She didn't want Will to be dead, or Dale, Chris, Lori, T-dog, Patricia, Shane, Jimmy, Oscar, Jim or Amy. However, it was too late for them all.

Her father was making her strong... And, she betrayed him. She got scared, and betrayed him. She betrayed everything she was taught growing up.

Brooks had killed him. She'd killed any chance she had of surviving, because she killed him. If Brooks was going to honour Will in any way, then she knew she had to be strong. She had to punish herself for being weak. Brooks knew Michonne would be dead without her, but she didn't want Will to be dead, either. All she knew was that she was stupid, weak and wrong, that meant punishment.

The girl flicked open the lighter and lit it. She bit down on her bottom lip before she hovered the inside of her wrist over the open flame. Holding her breath, she made the sensitive part of her skin meet the fire. She didn't cry, or groan, or pull away. Every reflex in her body was telling her to fight the pain, but she didn't.

"What the hell are you doing?" A yell distracted her from her concentration, before Carl was pulling apart her wrists. She dropped the lighter in the panic, before she shoved him away.

"I need to do it!" She yelled, going for the lighter but he snatched it first. "Give it here, Grimes."

Carl shook his head. "I killed my mom, I know the guilt. But, you don't need to feel guilty for killing Will, he was going to hurt Michonne."

"I deserve it, Carl! I do!" Brooks begged, trying to get the lighter but he stepped back, and held out his empty hand to stop her. "You don't wanna let me? How 'bout I point out the facts for you? I killed Chris, he was a child, and I killed him! Now, I've-"

"Brooks, I don't care!" Carl interrupted. "Chris is dead, okay? It's not on you, not now that we know the truth! You have got to move on!"

Tears filled her eyes as she kicked a wooden pallet in frustration. "Just give me the damn lighter!"

Carl shook his head, before he turned on his heal and left. "Merle!" She heard Carl shout.

"No! Carl!" Brooks called, running after him.

"Merle's she's hurting herself!" Carl yelled as he ran down into the table room where literally everyone ran in to meet him. Beth even ran in while holding the unnamed baby.

"No, it ain't like that, you stupid boy!" Brooks shouted, trying to snatch the lighter from his hand but he chucked it for Daryl to catch. Of course, he easily did.

Merle scoffed. "The hell did you do that for?" He shouted, noticing the burn on her wrist.

Brooks tried to turn away to run away, but Carl grabbed her bicep and forced her back. She shoved his chest, but that didn't make him let go. She swallowed thickly and turned to the group. "I just... I wanted to try 'n' be strong. Dad's dead now, so someone's gotta-"