i don't want to be your roommate, i want to kiss your neck | (m)

Part 11

when you entered your shared apartment, heeseung finally handed you your textbook back after threatening to throw it if you didn't hurry up the entire jog home. you're about to give him a snarky thank you, but stop when you realize the living room is filled with the scent of your favourite food.

"chinese food?" you question, your eyes landing on the food on the coffee table, plates and chopsticks laid out as well. the couch has pillows and blankets, and the candles that were covered in dust are now lit. "what's all this?" your eyes are filled with amusement as heeseung takes off your coat for you and hangs it up.

heeseung shrugs, "i just thought we could have dinner and a movie together, like we used to." there's a shy smile on his face as he avoids your eye contact.

"that actually sounds great."

heeseung grabs your wrist, "then c'mon, let's eat."

heeseung sits in his usual place on the couch, lifting the blanket for you to sit down beside him and you start to dig in. he puts on Howl's Moving Castle quietly and leans back into the couch cushion. it would feel like a normal night between you and your roommate, one that you used to look forward to after a long day of classes, but now, both of you can tell that there's a heavy burden in the silence between you.

thankfully, heeseung is the one to break it, "look y/n, i'm going to be honest–," you finish your last bite food and look over at him, his face curled up with anxiety before he continues, "i did all this as some sort of apology for how things have been these past couple of weeks. and for what happened yesterday."

you sigh, "don't worry about yesterday, i know you didn't think i would be home because well, i haven't been properly home in weeks, and that's my fault." you shift uncomfortably in your usual comfortable place on the couch and decide to let out what has been weighing you down for weeks. "it's just- can i ask you something, heeseung?"

"of course," heeseung bites the inside of his cheek out of nervousness, "anything."

"was it you and your friends that destroyed the library last year?"

"what?" heeseung's face contorts in confusion.

"well you know, the Sigma Fidi guys, did they really destroy the library?"

heeseung laughs suddenly and it makes you whip your head to look at him. anger washes over you as your roommate laughs at you, and you cover your body with your arms, huffing as you let him laugh. "what're you talking about, y/n? you really think i, or jeongin or even theo! could destroy a library? why would we even do that?"

"w-well, it was just, hana-." you stammer out, feeling awful now that you've literally accused heeseung and his friends of a crime.

heeseung laughs again at the mention of his sister, "hana told you that it was the Sigma Fidi guys who destroyed it?" he rolls his eyes at your confirmation nod, "hana always gets the frat's names mixed up! it wasn't us who destroyed the library, it was the Sigma Drakos who did it! all the guys born in 2000!"

"oh my god!" you slap your hand on your forehead as you sit back on the couch cushion. all these weeks of worrying that the guy you had a crush on destroyed your favourite place– just because your best friend can't remember the name of a frat! you laugh with heeseung now, both of you now realizing how appalling the accusation was. "i'm so sorry!"

heeseung waves it off, "it's fine– is that why you've been avoiding me? because you thought I destroyed the library? because i really would never do that. especially since i know how precious the library is to you."

"well, that's part of it." the smile falls from your face as you find twirling your fingers together more interesting.

"what's the other part?"

you gulp at heeseung's question, not even mentally preparing yourself for your next words before you speak, "i thought- at first– that you had sex with some girl and i heard it, but then it turns out that it was beomgyu! but that set me off because i didn't think i should be so worried about my best friend's brother having sex with another girl..."

your apartment goes silent as joe hisaishi plays in the background. both of you stare off at Howl jumps off with Sophie. you wonder if heeseung will say anything, or if it's his turn to avoid you for months now. with each burning second of silence, your calm facade begins to fade and your true interior of anxiety starts to shine through. your leg starts bouncing quickly, trying to relieve some of the anxious tension filling your body. could you deal with heeseung avoiding you for months? could you still live in this apartment if he moved out tomorrow? could you manage to see his pretty smile on campus?

"is that i'll ever be to you? your best friend's brother and your roommate?" heeseung finally asks quietly, interrupting Howl's current dialogue. your leg stops bouncing as he speaks, wanting to hear every word of his perfectly.

"what do you mean?" you ask warily, not understanding what he wanted to hear. the truth of your real feelings for him? or the safety net of that there's nothing between you two, just normal roommates?

"i mean," heeseung sighs and brushes his bangs out of his face, "i mean, i want more than just catching a glimpse of you out the door everyday. i want more than whatever's been going on recently. i don't care if you're friends with hana or not, i just want more of you."

the silence between you two continues as you process his words. your relationship with his sister means nothing to him. and you wonder if it should mean nothing to you too when you thought of your relationship with heeseung. maybe it would be okay to be more than just normal roommates with him after all.

"alright." you give finally.

"alright?" heeseung questions you.

"alright we can go back to the way we were, we can see more of each other."

"really?" heeseung sits up from the couch. with your nod, he's suddenly jumping from one side of the couch to the other, throwing his arms around you. you laugh as you wrap your own arms around him, allowing yourself to be surrounded with his warmth with no worries for the first time. he only held on tighter when he realized you hugged him back. "i'm so glad! i missed you so much! and– oh," heeseung retracts his body from your own, his hands gripping your shoulders as he looks at you, "one more thing."

"what is it?' you grumble out.

"we're having a party this friday."

"what?" you jerk back from him, making his hands go limp in his lap. "why?"

"because exams will be over then! so we should celebrate!" heeseung speaks with an obvious tone.

you cross your hands over your chest, "is this why you got me chinese food? so i'd be more agreeable to having a party this week?"

heeseung's hand scratches the back of his neck sheepishly, "well, no, but kinda." you give him an unimpressed look. "so... yeah? we'll have a party? please?"

you give in when he pouts at you, "fine." and then you're pulled into a bone crushing hug as he thanks you for 'being the best roommate ever'.

"is this my flannel?" heeseung asks in your ear.

"um, yeah?"

heeseung only laughs melodically, not letting you go.

both of you go to bed when Howl's Moving Castle is over. properly saying goodnight to each other for the first time in months. while you lay down, you wonder how the party will go this weekend. you wonder how hana will react to seeing how close you and heeseung really are. you wonder if she'll notice that you have feelings for her older brother.

you try to push those thoughts away as you try to fall asleep for the night, and replace them with the memories you made tonight with heeseung.