Loyalty and Mischief (WIP - On Hiatus)

Chapter 39 - If only you would notice how I ache behind my smile

Though it had been many a century since Loki had last laid eyes upon the Queen of Olympus, he found almost no change in Hera. Her golden hair was braided and pinned around her hair, and her rich burgundy and green garbs echoed the majesty of her sacred peacock. She was much like Frigga, with an ageless beauty and greatness befitting her standing in the pantheon. Yet despite her grace and physical attractiveness, none had a more vindictive nature.
Loyalty was something very few among the Grecians understood. Many of them were unfaithful with mortals or each other, and even took men and women against their will or through trickery and magic, following the King of Olympus' example. Zeus had spat at the concept of marriage despite having chosen Hera as his wife, and since the Goddess wasn't strong enough to deal with him directly, she set upon his conquests and whatever offspring came from them. 

Loki grew even more anxious when he recalled all the stories. Sigyn should be safe, as he was her only love... But she had come to Asgard under the belief she was to be Thor's. Would Hera consider that as unfaithfulness, even though she and Thor had done nothing more than kiss? And what of him? He had never cheated on any of his bedmates as long as he was with them, but that alone would not be enough for a being such as Hera. 
Before Sigyn, Loki had only every truly loved two. And both had betrayed him. Loki had sworn he would do better and not hurt anyone like that himself each time. Yet his mischievousness had made him forsake that vow. He had used the multitude of his lovers, to serve his needs in either a mere temporary sexual release or to gain power and knowledge. He'd even allowed himself to be used if that ultimately benefitted him.

I won't even be able to blame Hera if she rules against me, thought Loki miserably. Every misfortune Sigyn has had to endure has been because of me. We lost our children because those I wronged in the past sought vengeance. There are countless others, so how can I let Sigyn put herself in danger by staying with me?

Loki lingered at the bottom of the steps as Sigyn, Rúna, and Fandrall climbed the steps of Hera's temple. If he left now, he could protect Sigyn from any further misery. He would return to Asgard and have their marriage dissolved, so she would be free of him. 

By all the Norns, what am I thinking? Odin and Frigga won't accept a divorce unless Sigyn consents as well, or unless I provide probable cause. Besides, if l leave her now after all she has done for me, it will only further the rumours about our marriage being a scam. Nobody will believe I'm stepping aside for her sake. They'll just think I finally got what I wanted from her, or worse, that I'm cutting my losses. And I refuse to let Thor have another chance to marry her. He's even less deserving of her than I am. But what can I do? 

"Why do you stay back?"

Loki's head jerked toward Hermes. The Greek Trickster looked at him in curiosity... and concern. It was the same expression Loki had beheld the day before in the tavern. 

"Making sure this isn't a trap," he answered, not wanting to reveal the true reason for his delay.

"It isn't," said Hermes. "You can trust Hera and me."

Loki scoffed and moved forward, but was abruptly pulled back as Hermes gripped his arm. The Grecian gasped, and Loki met his shocked, wide-eyed gaze as he realised too late Hermes was using his abilities on him again. 

"You can't," whispered Hermes. "Please... not that."

"Mind your own business, Hermes." Loki tried to pry himself free, but was up against an unyielding clutch.

"It is my business if you're planning to kill yourself. By all the Fates, Loki, how can you even think that will solve anything? Do you not know by now Sigyn will either join you in the afterlife or change the very fabric of the universe to have you in her arms again?"