Arrow : Shado of the Past

Journal

October 29th, 2009
Los Angeles

Hey there journal, nice to see you again, I guess. I've been doing a lot of thinking today, mostly sitting in the shower for a few hours crying and then doing some fitness. All in the name of keeping my mind off recent events.

Well, I guess the best things to recap things, at least that's what I like to believe father would tell me to do to help with these panic attacks.

It began about 3 months ago in July. I came to this whole other world from which I now write to you. We came here to stop a collision, a moment in which 2 worlds (ours and this one) would collide and destroy one another. Constantine, my partner, friend, and traitor throughout all of this, stopped this event by travelling to a cave system underneath Lian Yu on this earth and using his magic in some chamber. I didn't even see it happen. It must have been some psychic thing, but he prevented the event, at the cost of us returning home. You see, what you should know about John Constantine is that he is a man with no regard for his own life, and that will sometimes draw down others with him nearly all the time. Whilst in my brief time in this new existence I have come to appreciate this man, though it is usually me who is caring for the both of us currently, I can't stop hating him for lying to me. I still would have followed him to the ends of the earth and back even if I knew it would kill me. Why? Well, though he doesn't believe in himself and the few good deeds he does, I believe in both.

Now days Mr Constantine, occult detective, master of the dark arts, friend...he remains drunk most of his days partying about LA and stealing the occasional large sum of money from me. Along with this, I frequently must look after him due to his depressed and fragile mental state. He frequently breaks down in our apartment, and it's down to me to use what medical knowledge I have retained from my past life to help him out. I care for my friend a lot, but there is no doubt that he is a burden, and I'm left to wonder when it is my turn to be looked after?

I'm spiralling here.

We've spent our first weeks here looking for ways home and checking out leads. So far, we've learnt that the Constantine of this universe doesn't exist or did exist but is now missing, presumed dead. John believes a demon or something got the best of his doppelganger. Me, on the other hand? I'm not much better. The Shado Gulong of this earth spends her days drunk, smoking, writing some novels, and teaching martial arts after ditching her medical career. I can't really blame her, though it was different circumstances. I did the same when my father died, much like how she now mourns his passing in this universe.

In this world, it seems Oliver and I never got kidnapped or shipwrecked on Lian Yu, meaning it was up to Slade to rescue my father, and he failed, it seems. Mei also...died in this universe. It seems I wasn't enough support for her in the end...I'm sorry, sister.

The silly novels the me of this earth writes are called Red Dead. I believe there's 3 of them currently featuring all different protagonists and whatnot. I've tried reading them, but I'm always lacking the time with my new job as an officer of the law. Like I said, my roommate doesn't do much these days, so I pick up the slack.

This world is backwards in general to be fully honest with you. After Constantine performed his spell to save the earth's he passed out, and when he awoke, he was terrified of me specifically. He refused to elaborate on why I scare him so much, but he nearly killed me with hellfire, so yeah, it's pretty serious. In his drunken states, he also refuses to tell me why I scare him.

Occasionally, he mutters words like killer, vigilante, spectre, damn God, your goanna be the death and life of all. He only does this in his sleep or drunk moments, however, and I'm yet to decipher the meaning behind these terms, and if they even relate together, let alone relate to me!

I think after he performed his spell, he went insane, hence why he's so depressed and unfortunate now. He told me shortly before we found the chamber while we were on the island that magic always had a cost. Perhaps he saw a vision, and that's the cost? Visions can be worse than some believe, I'd know that.

On another note, I have the friendly, occult mystery beside me right now, sleeping in my bed, of course. Though I do not mind, we mostly share this and the couch. Like I previously mentioned, I'm a cop now, so I work a lot of varying hours, and well, he parties a lot, so the hours vary. I like to believe he at least tries to take care of me in small ways. It's an occasional tea, and some extra sandwiches for my shifts pop up every now and then. I still need some more help mentally for sure, but it's part of the reason why I haven't given up on him.

Anyway, this world, I think, is a bit more twisted and bad than our own. The atmosphere is always darker and rainy, there's increased murders, robbery, general crime and like I mentioned it seems both of us here are worse off.

Anyway, this madness is dragging on and on and on. Seeing as John has no interest in naming stuff I've taken, then liberty to designate this place, earth negative, or as John did chime, it should be called Earth negative 1. I say this because of how negative it is obviously.

Anyway, I'm goanna let John sleep this off and go on shift. It's better than spending hours crying in the shower and having panic attacks in the kitchen. It makes me feel like I'm at least helping, not really helping anyone as an officer, just more me helping my friend by paying for our bills and such.

I've got a radio in that something is going down at a place called Zatannas magical show, murder apparently I'm goanna head down there see what's up. Hopefully, John's at least cleaned a little of my clothing by the time I'm back.

Signing out

Shado

Writer: hey guys writer here. I already wrote this whole chapter, but I could load it up to publish it and had to rewrite the whole thing. I hope you guys enjoyed this one as depressing as it was for the characters. Well, have a nice day, and hopefully, you will come back next chapter!

Ps I've written the next chapter several times and lost it to corruption several times. Sorry.