A Bang and a Whimper

2

Fandral stays with Thor during the first night while healers work reconstruct Loki's bones with rods and pins, replacing what they can, setting everything in casts when they finish.

Loki looks so small amidst the beeping monitors in the large angled bed, the straps pulling his legs towards the ceiling to keep him elevated and still. Other wounds have been stitched up and bandaged as well and he is kept unconscious through the following day.

When he wakes, no one is beside him. He sighs. Even that hurts. He spends the rest of the day drifting in and out of sleep, his heart heavy, whimpering when things are far more painful than he thinks they should be. Healing should not be more painful than getting hurt in the first place. With every battle lost, he wonders if there is a reason to fight for anything, even living. It seems like it might be a waste of the healers' time to fuss over him. But if no one in Asgard knows what he is or why he has done what he has done...just maybe there is some sort of future in store for him. Bored, resigned, and sleepy, he waits.

Thor arrives late in the day with his arms full of books. He has always had difficulty finding gifts for Loki. Accoutrements of war have always been appreciated, but they sit on a shelf or in a closet and are rarely used. Loki hates the pageantry associated with getting new clothes made for him, so Thor has never invited him to come with him to be dressed for parades and court. And trivial tokens end up tucked in a drawer gathering dust.

Books, however, have always been gifts well loved. Loki treasures words, and so when Thor has traveled throughout the realms for these years since Loki left his side, he has gathered books for him in hopes of being able to some day hand him this treasure trove of history and lore in person. He knows that there will be no glowing appreciation when he shows Loki what he has found, but he hopes they will at least keep his brother occupied during his long recovery. A bored Loki is a dangerous Loki, or that is, at least, what Odin has been telling him these past few days. Be careful of the wounded animal.

When Thor enters, closely watched by the guards at the door, he is expecting a sarcastic comment or a barbed statement on his lateness, but instead he finds Loki staring at the ceiling, his face relaxed. He barely turns his head to see Thor step up to his bed.

"You came."

"Yes, Brother, I did. And I come bearing books."

Loki struggles to prop himself up and Thor hurries to set down his gift so he can help. Loki clenches his teeth as he leans back on the many pillows and Thor finds it odd that Loki does not hide his pain. He is cautious, suspicious, that this might be a ploy to manipulate his feelings, fool him with a false security and regain his trust only to betray him again. But he wants to believe the best. He brings over a few of the books from his pile.

"I have been collecting them for you. I read some of them, but some of them I did not understand. I think you will, though. You always were the brighter of the two of us."

Loki smiles a bit ruefully, "Ah, yes, that was what they always said. But the fire that burns brightest exhausts its fuel and dies far more quickly than the slow and steady flame."

"You have not burned out your light. You are here, and we are yet young."

"But I have no future here, whether you believe so or not. Under Odin's ever watchful eye, I will destroy myself simply out of spite. I cannot be what he wants me to be. The good and faithful son. You may be king, but Odin is still Odin."

"Are you a threat to me?"

"No, Thor. Not this time. Only to myself. I assume this is why there are four guards at my door, two in, two out."

"The guards are there to be sure on one enters to harm you, and to make sure you stay here to heal."

He scoffs, "Oh? To make sure I stay here? Not to make sure I do not make mischief for others, or seek threaten Asgard or her king?"

"Yes, to make sure you stay here. Do you not remember that I said little is known of your exploits beyond a few of us? That there are things you have done that are known only to you and I?"

"I remember. But it is hard to think that Odin would not attempt to poison your mind against me. I did steal his throne. It does not seem too far a stretch to believe that he would not think favourably of me for any reason."

"He is quite angry, it is true, but the years have softened him. He is an old man and his time is coming to a close. He wants most of all to understand why."

"It should not take much empathy for him to know it. If he does not by now, I do not think anyone can explain it to him."

"He wishes to hear it from your own lips."

A look of panic flickers across Loki's face, but it is gone as quickly as it appeared, "No. I cannot."

"I saw that, Brother. The moment of terror. You fear him. And fear drives men to desperate ends. That is why there are guards at your door. I do not wish to lose you again."

Loki laughs softly, a sad, tired sound, "Thor, where would I go? Honestly. Look at me. Both my legs are shattered. They are more metal than they are bone. Even were I to craft an illusion to hide myself from you, I would still be right here. You could defeat your eyes and reach through to touch me. And even were it possible for me to leave, who would have me? The mere fact that the king of Asgard would be combing the realms to find me would raise suspicion and I would be welcome nowhere, a man with no country. I will stay, a prisoner in my own home."

"You are no prisoner, Loki. You are my brother, and some day you will once again travel the Nine."

"The Nine...the Nine. So limiting. There are things between the realms, hidden places that we know so little about. Dark places. And I wish to find them and to discover what secrets they hold. So if I am only to travel the Nine, I do not see it as a much more appealing fate."

"Your curiosity will consume you if you do not explore."

"Yes. The bright fire, all consuming."

Thor hands him a few more books, "You can begin by exploring these books. Literature from every place I visited to find you. You might discover that there are things you do not know about these realms that can carry you through until you are able to delve into the dark corners of the universe. Read, dear Brother, and I will return to you tomorrow. Perhaps you can explain to me the book on the Higgs-Boson that Jane left for you. I have no idea what it means."

Loki selects a book from the pile on his lap, "We shall see."

"Goodnight, Loki. Rest when you can." He gets no reply. Not, at least, until he is at the door.

"Thank you, Thor. Goodnight." Their eyes meet when Thor turns back and Loki smiles. Thor nods and smiles back. These little exchanges are far more than he had hoped for. He had thought he would find Loki dead and bring home only remains. He had hoped to find a snarling beast tha the could bring home and try, over the course of years, to possibly reach by the time they died. But Loki seems to be willing to talk, and this is the greatest gift Thor thinks he will ever receive.