A Bang and a Whimper

37

Loki meets Sif's father at the family house. It is grand, even larger than he expected. Despite having grown up in the towering palace, Loki feels small standing before the elaborately carved door.

He is escorted to a drawing room and asked to wait. When Sif's father enters, he stands, as is customary when asking to court a lady. Attention to detail, and to decorum, is critical in these proceedings.

"Loki Odinson. You have come to me with a specific purpose, I presume?"

"Yes, sir, I have." It feels strange to address anyone as 'sir', but this is a script and it must be followed as precisely as possible.

"And praytell, what is that purpose?"

"To ask for your blessing to court your daughter, the lady Sif."

"And how long will the courtship be?"

"A year and a day, as is custom."

"I have spoken briefly to my daughter of your intentions. She is of the mind that they are honourable and you mean to marry her after the year and a day. Is this what you intend? To make my daughter your wife?"

"Yes, sir, this is true."

"And what of children?"

"They will come, if they come, after our courtship has ended and our marriage is final."

"Good. That is the proper answer."

"Of course, sir. I would not consider doing otherwise."

"And why have you chosen her?" This is not part of the script. Loki knows there is a trick behind this question, but he can see no way to avoid walking into the trap, whatever it is.

"I love her, sir. She is a skilled warrior, and she is incredibly kind. She is a delight and my spirit is content when I am with her."

"A fair answer."

"Thank you, sir."

"But my answer is no. I know what you are. I know you are incapable of sincerity. Do not feel bad; it is in your nature. I must protect her from creatures such as yourself."

Loki swallows hard, his composure barely intact, "Then I see no reason to continue this conversation."

"Nor do I. You are dismissed."

He leaves quickly, his heart heavy.

********

At the palace, Jenna, Thor, Sif, and Odin wait in Loki's chambers. Sif is pacing. Thor tries to get her to sit and she perches on the back of the couch for a moment before resuming her route. Odin sits at the breakfast table turning the pages of Loki's unbound manuscript, captivated by the incredibly detailed illustrations. And Jenna, sitting on the couch, attempts to read "A Hat Full of Sky" but cannot focus.

The door opens and everyone turns to Loki, "What did he say?" Sif asks.

"No. He said no." He drops onto the couch beside Jenna without making eye contact with anyone. She sets her book aside and cuddles against him, "Can one thing in my life be easy? It seems that no matter what I try, there is always something that goes horribly wrong." His eyes are firmly fixed on the floor.

Sif grabs a pillow from the couch and flings it across the room, "I knew it. He sent me to become a shieldmaiden so that I would think of something other than myself and ever since, he has been disappointed that the mind I learned to use is not the same as his."

She strides to the door; Loki looks up and reaches for her, "Sif, please. Stay."

"No. This ends now. I will not let him deny me this." She leaves, slamming the door. Loki slowly fades back into the couch, his arm lingering outstretched. Jenna does not know what else to do but to hold him tightly as he stares, numb, after Sif. Jenna cannot help but let a few tears creep down her cheeks.

Thor joins them on the couch, "There are other options, Brother, to form a family without this blessing. Partnerships-"

"No. Just...no, Thor. You know as well as I that they are treated differently under law and in our society. I wish to court and marry Sif, not partner with her!"

"Father?"

"Yes, Jenna?" Thor rests his hand on Loki's shoulder and Loki shrugs it off, his head in his hands.

"Why do we have different types of families under our laws?"

Odin answers, "Because it was the best I could get out of the court when I suggested that a woman need not her father's permission to wed. All other marriages were called something else and were to be looked on as less to discourage eloping. The old families want to keep their political bonds secure, wedding their daughters only to other nobility and for the greatest gain in station."

"Well that's stupid." She gently tries to ease one of Loki's hands from his face and he glances towards her. She keeps his hand in hers and kisses his cheek, whispering, "It will be OK. Somehow."

"When did you seek to change this, Father? I do not remember it happening when Loki and I were children."

"It did not. It was before either of you boys. Your mother was pregnant with you and she wanted assurances that if she had a daughter, she could freely choose who would stand beside her ruling Asgard."

"Father, I don't want to have to marry somebody for politics. Can we change this law? And soon? Uncle and Sif ought not to worry about such things because the court cannot see reason."

Thor sighs, "I wish I could do this for the both of you, but I do not think I can. If they turn against us, they could seek to depose us and put another family on the throne." He tries once again to touch Loki, and this time, Loki allows him to rest his hand on his back, "Brother, please. Say something."

His voice is hollow, "I love her, Thor. And it is not enough. Do you have any idea what that is like?"

Thor nods, "Yes, I do."

Loki's shoulders fall, "I am sorry. You were married to Jane in Midgard."

"Yes. And by our laws, that is also only a partnership."

"Thor, I hate this."

"I know."

"I have done everything right since my return. I have taken on the duties as a prince, an advisor, a member of the court, and I have begun my duties as ambassador. I have been a tutor to the princess, and my sorcery has only been used to amuse. I have turned scholar and lived quietly. And what has it given me? This. My beloved's father telling me that I am incapable of sincerity, that it is in my nature, a part of what I am."

Jenna hugs him tightly, "I think you're wonderful. And remember what I said? Love wins. Always."

"Thank you, darling girl. But at the moment, I cannot see how."

Thor wraps his arms around them both, "We are with you, Brother. Every moment."

Odin stands behind the couch, one hand on each of his sons' shoulders, "I should have told both of you years ago that your choice of a wife was yours alone to make. I made that mistake with Thor. I will not make it again. Sif is a part of this family and when you wish to pledge yourselves to one another, I will consider her my daughter whether or not her father considers you his son."

Loki reaches up and rests his hand over Odin's, "I believe this is the first time in over half a century that I can say this honestly- thank you, Father."

Odin smiles. Their relationship is still strained, but he feels as though this effort to know Loki as he is, just as Frigga always wanted, instead of trying to compare him to Thor, might just work. If, that is, they do not lose Loki to his own despair.