A Bang and a Whimper

36

Jenna has had a quiet week. Lessons have slowed and she has been teaching herself handcrafts by the evening fire. She can crochet squares with four different stitches. Her lucet cords are not ready for decorating elaborate gowns, but they are good enough to tie in her hair and bind together her shoes. She likes seeing Loki with Sif. They are playful and lighthearted. Traces of Loki's magic linger in every hallway Sif walks down and Jenna smiles when she finds flowers on her way- he is a romantic at heart.

She meets him for tea and books. Hogun has brought her a new collection of Vanir children's stories and, having glanced at the contents earlier in the day, she knows there are stories within that she has never heard. It is exciting, and she relishes the opportunity to have time alone with her uncle.

He answers the door as she is knocking. She hands him the book and hugs him.

"How are you today, Jenna dearest?"

"Excited about our new book! And yourself?"

"Relaxed and looking forward to the same."

"Good!" She skips to the couch and plops down, patting beside her. He settles in and opens the book. The pages are a thin, fine vellum, the text sharp against their translucency.

After a few stories, Jenna puts her hand on the page to stop him from turning it and reading more, "Uncle? May I ask a rather personal question?"

"Of course. I may not answer, but you may always ask."

"Is Sif going to some day be my aunt?" He smiles, his eyes on the page, a slight blush to his cheeks. He has told no one of his feelings for Sif, though he wears them on his sleeve, and there is something sweet about sharing it with Jenna first.

"Likely, yes. Unless something comes in our way. She and I are very close."

"Will you have children of your own?"

He hesitates, not sure how to answer, "She wishes to bear children, yes."

"You say that as though it is not a full answer."

"It is not."

"Will you tell me the rest?"

He sighs, "Reluctantly. I do not want to curse a child with the appearance of my race. I am only what I am because of old and powerful magic that neither myself nor your grandfather entirely understand. The touch of a relic of Jotunheim will return me to my native form, though yet small in stature by comparison. And I cannot pass that on and subject a child to the same cruelties that I have felt, being what I am."

"But you can raise a child differently. To embrace difference and love people for who, not what, they are."

"Others will still treat that child as though being half of each world is the most terrible sin in existence. I cannot do that."

"They have not done so to me."

"But you look Aesir, my little love. One with skin as blue as ice at night would not be given such grace."

"Oh." She wraps her arms around his waist and hugs, "I am sorry you have to think like that. We will do our best to change things."

"You are truly kind, child. Truly kind."

"Is Sif OK with that?"

"She says she is, that her heart is set on me. And that she will be happy, no matter what our future holds or does not."

"That's good."

"Yes, yes it is. I am a very lucky man."

"So what happens next? Father attempted to explain the courtship process to me, but it only somewhat made sense. In Midgard, you simply started spending time with one another and if you loved each other, you got married. Some people had to ask family members, but overall, by the time we left, it was rather easy. Father and Mother married years before I was born, but they went before a judge of the law and signed papers and it was done."

"Things are more complicated here. I will have to formally ask her if I may court her. I will ask her father if I have permission to court his daughter. From there, we must keep our engagement for a year and a day before deciding if we will wed."

"What happens if her father says no?"

"I do not want to think of that possibility."

"But you have. I can tell."

He ruffles her hair, "Yes, my dear, I have. I have thought of all sorts of unpleasant things. But I do not wish to talk about them. For now, allow me to leave that particular outcome unsaid."

She taps on the page, "For now, let's just read. And if things do go badly, remember that love wins. No matter what. Even if other people are horrible."

"Thank you, my dear. If we do have troubles, I will need to be reminded of that often."

"Well don't worry. Father and I will be sure to do all we can to make sure you know it."

He cannot help but marvel at the girl. She slips the book from his hands and turns the page. When he does not start the story, she does.

Late that same evening, after supper, Loki pulls Sif aside and invites her to his rooms. It is not a night for sparring, but she accepts. He makes her tea and they sit across from each other at his breakfast table.

"What is on your mind, Loki? You seem nervous."

"Jenna asked me today if you would some day be her aunt."

"And how did you answer?"

"With great hope. My lady, will you allow for our formal courtship to begin?"

She takes his hand, "Yes. But I do not know what my father will say. He is loyal to the All-Father, but he is deeply entrenched in the old beliefs."

"I understand. But I must try. I love you too dearly to not...."

"I know. And I will hope for the best. But I want you to be ready for the worst."

"I do not want to think about that."

She sets her tea aside and comes around to sit on his lap, "But you must."

"No. I have lost enough sleep over a 'what if'. I will set up an audience with your father. Until then, we will think only of the best."

"If he does not, I will not lose you. I promise you this."

"Make me no promises, my lady. You do not know what you may be asked to do."

She does not want to consider what he is saying, that her father could demand she pick one family over the other. But she has thought about it. Just as Loki has thought about what will happen if her father denies his request.

Sif brushes his hair back from his face and softly kisses him, "I pray then that he is kind."

"He is your father- do you think we have any hope?"

"There is always hope, Loki. Even when it is slim."

They hold one another in silence, the weight of this question heavy on their hearts. They do not speak as they undress for the night, nor as they nestle under the blankets. They fall asleep quickly, quietly, both wishing there was not so much uncertainty about their future.