Freed From Desire

Part 11

Nora

What the hell was I thinking? No, like actually. Had the absynthe somehow turned my brain into mush? I had just made a pact with myself that this wouldn't happen again. That the job was more important than.. whatever this was. And I would keep my distance from Katie.

And it took me a whole minute of hearing her voice over the phone before inviting her over. For soup?! 

I had actually lost it. Or I was about to, as I shuffled around my apartment in a hurry, trying to make it more presentable.

Luckily my parents had ingrained into me the idea that your home should never be more than ten minutes away from hosting guests. So any bigger messes got cleaned up on the go and all I really had to do was put some things into their place. Which didn't stop me from fussing with the throw pillow for a few minutes before realizing that I myself looked like absolute crap.

I was fully ignoring the annoying voice in the back of my head, telling me that I shouldn't care that the bun on my head had dropped to one side and that my shirt had a loose thread on one of the sleeves.

I was simply.. being presentable. Like a good host would be.

And that's totally why I changed my clothes twice. In my defense I had put on jeans in my first panic dressing before realizing that it was weird to walk around in skinny jeans in one's own home. So I switched them for my nicest pair of joggers and a clean shirt. With no loose threads.

Hair came last, falling into loose blonde curls as it escaped from said bun. Which wasn't the most hygienic for cooking purposes but that was a later concern since cooking had been put on hold for now anyway.

The knock on my door still came unexpectedly fast and I looked over my living room with one more judgemental glance before heading to the front door. With a deep breath in, I pulled it open, coming face to face with Katie. Her eyes immediately found mine and that same breath was knocked out of me before I regained my composure and managed to pull off a smile.

"Hi. Welcome. Uh, food will still be a while since I got.. sidetracked," I rambled, stepping to the side so she could come in. 

Katie smirked and I already felt my cheeks flush. Like a freaking teenager, what was my problem.

But she didn't seem to notice, instead looking around. I lived in a fairly nice townhouse with rooms scattered around different floors. Or I guess half-floors. The kitchen was on this level, opening up to a living room that was just a short staircase down.

"You can join me in the kitchen or uh.. chill in the living room if you want," I added with a random motion of my hand. You could see the couch from here so it's not like I needed to walk her over there myself to show where it was.

With a small smile I headed towards the kitchen island where the carrots awaited for me to continue. From the corner of my eye, I saw Katie take her shoes off, which made me smirk. Probably had something to do with the fact my house had a lot of white. 

She walked towards the kitchen island, pulled out one of the stools and sat down on it, eyeing me curiously. I tried my best to ignore that look and istead handed her my phone, spotify open on it.

"You're in charge of the playlist for cooking," I smiled and turned back to the carrots. The potatoes were already simmering in a pot behind me and the kitchen was slowly filling with delicious scents.

Which was good because it made Katie's perfume, and the memories associated with being enveloped in that, easier to ignore.

"Oh you are a brave woman for giving this thing over," she laughed, her thumbs moving over the screen in fast motions. Oh god.

"I don't have any interesting pictures if that's what you're looking for," I rolled my eyes. I did have some texts to Meg that I definitely would not want her to read. But I also had a hard time believing she would invade my privacy like that.

"Like I haven't already seen it all," Katie looked at me pointedly and the heat returned to my cheeks. She was definitely undressing me with her eyes and I swallowed slowly, focusing hard on not chopping my fingers off.

Apparently she'd just gone through my playlists instead because soon enough the mellow tones of Leon Bridges filled the kitchen and living room through the speakers scattered around. 

"Can I help with anything?" she offered, placing my phone down on the counter and getting up to walk over to the stove directly behind me.

Her proximity made me lose my train of thought for a second before I shook my head. "No, it's just these carrots left. The rest is already cut."

"It smells good," she spoke quietly from behind me, her voice sounding alarmingly close to my ear. And sure enough, strong arms wrapped around my waist from behind, her body swaying along to the music, causing mine to move as well.

"Katie.." I quietly pleaded, not really sure what I was asking. Let go? Don't let go? My body and brain were not agreeing on anything right now.

"Careful," she simply said, taking the knife from me and placing it down on the cutting board. My hands had a mind of their own as they found their place on top of hers and I closed my eyes for a second, just letting myself feel.. good.

Cause it did. It felt really good having her wrapped around me. It always did which was probably why we kept ending up in these situations. 

It also didn't help that the lyrics sounding throughout the house and that we were swaying to were 'will she have my kids, will she be my wife'. Hopefully not a hint from Katie.

Just the thought of that was anxiety inducing enough for my eyes to shoot open and me to clear my throat awkwardly, removing my hands from hers and grabbing the knife again. "I have to finish this or we'll never eat," I said, trying to sound like absolutely nothing was wrong. Cause nothing was wrong.

It was just dinner. A casual meal shared between.. friends. Cause that's what we were.

"I could live with that," Katie smirked, her tone sounding amused. She placed a soft kiss on my neck, which once again cause my brain to absolutely short circuit, and let go of me, turning back towards the stove to mix the contents of the pot with a wooden spoon I'd left by the side.

I already felt much colder without her body against mine and tried very hard not to think of that. Just friends. Casual. That's what I needed to focus on.

_______

Yes, this is going agonizingly slow. But nothing worth having comes easy huh. 

Also if anyone watches Tara Michelle on youtube, that's how I envision this townhouse. Just cause it's easier for me to have that mental image while writing.

Also the song is "Beyond". Highly recommend, it's very good.