Freed From Desire

Part 15

Katie

"Watch where the fuck you're going!" I yelled, a bit too loud perhaps since the referee looked less than pleased with me. 

The game just wasn't flowing today. We were in the lead but all the goals so far had seemed more like happy accidents than actual game strategies working out for us. One look at Jonas assured me that he felt the same.

And well.. I wasn't exactly having the best time today in general. I had already been tackled a few times and while I usually enjoyed the physical aspects of the game, today it just got me pissed off.

More so when one of the times I landed on my ankle wrong. Not so bad that I couldn't keep playing but bad enough that Nora had to come out on the field. I had successfully avoided any close contact with her for a week and hoped that it was working out for me. And the moment she put her hand on my shoulder and asked me to point out exactly where it hurt, I was gone again.

It was very unlike me to bring personal issues out to the field, but I couldn't exactly keep all the emotions in check when my personal issue was the person who literally walked out onto the field the moment I got hurt.

My first thought had definitely been correct - it wasn't a good idea to get involved with someone who I worked with. But it was too late now.

It was twenty minutes until the end whistle when I noticed Noelle standing next to Jonas and looking over some game strategies. So he was pulling me out. Good, I could be pissed on the bench right next to Nora. 

The slight distraction cause me to not notice the striker coming right at me. Not until she passed me on my left, causing me to turn on my heel and run after her. She was going right at the goal and a quick look around told me that I was closest to her.

So I did what I had to.

I knew it had been a bad idea the moment my cleats came into contact with her ankle, sliding feet first into her path as she fell on top of me, rolling a few times and eventually coming to a stop, her face pressed against the field and her hands clutching the ankle in question.

Shit.

A whistle sounded and I got up, jogging over to make sure I didn't actually cause irreparable damage. I might have been pissed, but I was a decent human being and obviously didn't want to harm anyone.

"Fucking hell," the blonde cussed on the ground. I couldn't get any closer though, as her teammates that had run up cussed me out and shoved me to the side. Which was fair I guess.

Beth had jogged over too and put her arm around my shoulders, guiding me away. "What the hell was that?" she sounded shocked and I wished the earth could follow me. I had really fucked this one up.

And to make matters worse, the ref came up to me, shaking her head and reaching her hand towards her back pocket. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

The red card went up and I didn't even have anything to argue against. The fact that Beth was quiet too, spoke volumes. So I just shrugged her arm off and walked off the pitch, Jonas coming to my side immediately, his tone angry as he questioned my actions. But it's not like I had anything to say for myself so I simply walked past everyone, avoiding eye contact with Nora whose stare I could feel, and headed to the changing rooms.

--

We had won. The final minutes weren't easy by no means, defense line struggling to keep up as they were one player down and the opposing team just getting more strength from the situation.

The woman I'd tackled seemingly ended up being fine, able to walk it off even though just to play safe they had subbed her out. At least that what it seemed like on the screen I watched the end of the game on, my back leaning against the locker. 

It was only a matter of seconds before my teammates would start pouring in and I'd never wanted to escape a situation this bad. But I had to own up to my crap so I sat still, listening to the sounds of cleats in the hallway.

The door burst open, gleeful chatter filling the silence, but I kept my eyes fixed on my hands in my lap. Until Vivianne sat down next to me, put her arm around me and her head on my shoulder. Even though it looked very uncomfortable for her since she was way taller than me, I still appreciated the silent gesture of support. 

Maybe that's what gave me strength. Either way I pressed a soft kiss to her head before standing up. "Guys, I'd like to say something," I said, loud enough for the chatter to die down and everyone to turn to look at me. I fought against the tears trying to escape and looked at the ceiling for a second to keep them at bay.

"I need to apologize to you. I am struggling with some.. personal stuff. Which is not an excuse, but.. I always try to keep it off the pitch and today I couldn't. I played a shit game, which made you all pick up the slack. I let everyone down, disrespected the whole team and the Arsenal name. I am very ashamed for it and I understand if you're mad at me. I deserve it. I promise I'll try harder to.. sort my shit out. So this never happens again. And for what it's worth, I'm really proud of you for finishing the game out the way you did."

There was a beat of silence during which I didn't even dare to take a breath. And then, as if someone flipped a switch, the girls all gathered around me and suddenly I found myself the center of a tight group hug. And god damnit, the tears made their way out anyway.

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Also would like to point out that I'm completely ignoring the international break since I forgot it existed ahaha :D I already had a few chapters scheduled ahead and didn't want to go back and change everything so deal with it :D