Angel Reese-Johnson
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I continued to pump breast milk while cleaning up in the process. I'm already tired, so me constantly pumping is weighing me down.
Au'jaeuh eats every two hours, so her being on my breast consistently is exhausting. My mom thinks we should switch to formula, but I don't want to
I'm just gonna start putting her milk in bottles and have her drink from a bottle.
"You're loud" I told Flau'jae for the second time now, "Who are you even on the phone with?"
"Rocc"
"No wonder why it sound like some bullshit" I mumbled to myself before sighing
All he do is talk about nonsense and persuade her to do dumb shit. It's really the fact that she actually goes along with it, that's what pisses me off.
"You said what?"
" I didn't say nothing" I chuckled to myself before she hummed in response
I continued to clean up before stopping because Jaeuh woke up. I've only been a mom for two and a half weeks, and I wanna say — I would hate to be a single mother.
"Pay attention to what you're doing" I said while watching Flau'jae pour milk into the bottle
"I'm saying though, they gone be surprised when we pullup" she said over the phone completely ignoring what I said, "I'm on they ass"
I watched as she struggled, but I didn't say nothing. She just better not spill no milk, I know that much.
I don't give a damn who ass she on
I turned my attention back to Jaeuh, who was focused on something. She is so alert to everything, I'm already knowing she's gonna be nosy.
"What you looking at pretty girl?" I said while grabbing a fresh diaper from beside me, "It's a ceiling fan, beautiful"
"Wait, hold on" I heard Flau'jae say before I looked at her from the corner of my eye
She hung up on Rocc and answered for somebody else. I continued to change the baby's diaper and by the time I was finish, Flau'jae was done.
"Feed her because I'm cleaning" I said before she gave me a look, "Why you just looking?"
"I'm on the phone"
"That conversation don't have nothing to do with you feeding her" she just simply picked Au'jaeuh up along with her bottle
I stood there for a second just watching before walking away. It just hit noon, and I'm ready to wrap up the whole day.
I've been cleaning since I opened my eyes. The house has been a mess since we came home from the hospital.
It's literally baby stuff everywhere and misplaced stuff laying around. My stitches are still in the healing process, but it doesn't hurt that much.
I'm moving around at my normal pace.
I started cleaning the bathroom, it looks like a natural disaster ran through it. This is the dirtiest our bathroom has ever been.
"Bae she not eating" I heard Flau'jae say causing me to turn around, "Like, she keep spitting it out"
It's almost as if, I can't catch a break — actually that's exactly what it is. It's okay because this is what I wanted.
"Something told me she wasn't gonna drink from that bottle" I said frustratedly while putting a stop to my cleaning again
"She not use to this"
"I know, I thought she would drink from a bottle though" I said before sighing, "Let me wash my hands"
I washed my hands before taking Au'jaeuh and breastfeeding her. She instantly fell right back to sleep before I laid her in her bassinet
I'm at the point where I don't wanna clean no more. I'm tired and out of energy, I just wanna lay and that's what I'm gonna do.
"Your mom is on the way" I informed Flau'jae before she raised her eyebrow
"For?"
"I don't know, I said okay and she hung up" she started mumbling to herself as I watched
"You don't want her to come over here?"
"I don't care about her being over here, but we had a disagreement earlier. She gone touch back on that topic, and I'm not with it"
"What topic?" I asked now confused because we've been home all day. How did I miss that conversation and where was I?
"Jaeuh birth certificate, she keep hollering about the time frame. She piss me the fuck off every chance she get"
"Do she know that we're waiting for the new copy?" she sighed and just simply shook her head no, "You need to tell her instead of having her think wrong"
"She know I gotta wait, she said I was acting like I didn't want my name on there. She think I'm in control of the timing"
The doctors didn't let Flau'jae sign the birth certificate because she's a female. So, we had to take the legal route.
We're waiting on the people to send the updated birth certificate back. She also has to legally adopt Au'jaeuh, so we're handling that.
It's honestly just too much
"You need to tell her"
"I'm not telling her shit, I don't care. Even if I didn't wanna sign it Au'jaeuh still my daughter, the fuck" she blurted out angrily before I snickered
She really go from zero to one hundred quick. I been debating on if counseling or therapy would help.
I'm gonna be honest, we both need it.
If I bring it to her attention she's gonna get mad. She swear she's not crazy or don't have a short temper.
If that's the case than the sky is gold and I'm not crazy either.
"Calm down, and you never had a choice. Your name was going on something regardless"
"What?" she said while holding a shocking look
"You thought you had a choice?"
"No, I'm just tryna figure out why you saying that"
"Because you spoke as if it was optional, it's wasn't. Anything that has to do with your daughter is a obligation"
"Bae I know that, just how I prioritize you. It's the same with her — stop saying dumb shit" she said before making her way out
I think us being in the house is driving her crazy. For the first time us being around each other constantly is slowly becoming a problem.
I don't know what to do.
