STATE OF GRACE. beta squad

032. letters ill never send

DEAR SHARKY,

you know i only ever write when i'm falling apart or falling in love.

and well you can just imagine which one i am.

i'm writing this from my room room, you know the one i haven't left for two days.

i needed some alone time after our fight— well can you call it a fight? i don't know..

i hope im crossing your mind this past weekend, just so that i don't feel pathetic for thinking of you every second of these two days.

but i'm writing this to just say im coming back, not to anything but to my old self, and i hope when i'm back everything that changed our friendship is back into place.

our friendship to me feels more important than my stupid feelings.

but if you think ill forget them, i never will i promise.

i never forget, i've engraved your name on the palms of my hands.

well not literally but metaphorically.

i find it difficult, to walk away from something that's the peak of your existence.

you, i mean.

you, sharky are the peak of my whole existence.

sometimes when i'm upset i think about how we sang along to ophelia by the lumineere in my car when we were 17.

the rain was hitting the windows so harshly but the music drowned all that out, we brought snacks and it was right after connor broke up with me.

i think that was the happiest day of my life.

i've never felt so much in such a small amount of time.

the only thing that stayed in my mind was the music and your eyes.

you looked like a work of art, i always found it cheesy when people said that about people but suddenly it wasn't so cheesy after all.

i remember how you sang that one part that said "honey i love you." and how you looked right at me with a cocky smile on your face and i thought i melted.

i miss you and i miss us.

you are literally in my blood. i can't help it. we can't be anywhere except together.

if you wanna stay best friends and nothing more as much as it hurts me i don't care.

okay and i do admit it, i think i like you a little too much, i'm afraid to use the stronger word.

and some people spend their whole lives trying to search for my feelings for you, but i was lucky.

i always had you in front of me, i always had you screaming at me to love you but i was deaf and i was blind.

and i hope you can forgive me.

but don't you think it's kind of funny???

little miss is obsessed with love but doesn't believe it'll happen to her.

anyway, bye i love you (in whatever way you wanna interpret that)

michelle howard crumbles up the piece of paper with a groan and throws it across the room into her bin.

she wasn't actually gonna give it to him, she'd be out of her mind if that was the case.

but it wasn't.

i mean everything was true, down to the not leaving her room for days to the im in love part.

it was obvious honestly.