After All (Passion Book 3)

Chapter Seven

I felt empty with Eddie gone. Even though he has only spent a night in my apartment, it suddenly felt unlike home.

Home was him and where he was. It was easy to feel lost at sea now that we were back together.

It was strange. I remembered feeling like that when I first knew him, but never to this extent. Back then, I'd been so concerned with keep myself separate from him. And now, I knew that I could be who I wanted to be with him in my life. He helped me see who I'd meant to be all along, and it was a comforting revelation.

I loved Eddie with the very depth of my soul. He was my soul, my heart; I would hold on to him for as long as we both lived.

The fact that I'd agreed to move in with him was weighing heavily on me, but I knew it wouldn't be a mistake. We had tried to live together once - the circumstances surrounding our lives had kept us from doing so. But now I was determined. I would take what I wanted, and give as much in return. My only hesitation was: Would I be a good father to Christopher? Hell, would I be expected to step into that role? Or could we peacefully co-exist without me expected to be a third parent?

So much was up in the air again, and it was making me anxious.

Would we get married in a few years time? I still wore the ring he'd given me. Did he see it as the long ago promise that I'd made that I would marry him? Would we create a family? Or would we just live our lives the way they were now?

Growing up (and even now) I'd never been certain that I wanted kids. Have been neglected by my parents, I didn't want to bring a child into this world (or adopt) when I couldn't be what they needed. Seeing Eddie, he was a great parent. But could I be like him? Did I want to be like him? Kids had been something that Oliver and I had talked about, but we hadn't come to an agreement. Even now, I couldn't make up my mind.

I just wanted to be the best I could be for Eddie, for Christoper. For Maddie.

How would I break the news to Maddie? No doubt she would be happy for me. For the first few years after we'd moved to Arizona, she'd blamed herself for breaking me and Eddie up, even though it had never been her fault. My job was to keep her safe, and how could I do that in another state? Suppose Kayson turned abusive? I would never be able to live with myself if something happened to her, and I could have prevented it by being here.

I needed advice.

Picking up my phone, I thought about calling Maddie. But, deciding against it, I pressed another contact instead.

"Hello?" Mom asked on the first ring.

I closed my eyes, savouring the sound of her voice.

Our relationship has gotten considerably better over the last five years, and I usually talked to her or Dad at least once every couple of weeks.

"Hi, Mom." My voice wavered a little. "I, uh, got some good news."

Her voice brightened.

Licking my lips, I said the words that sent a thrill through me. "Eddie and I are back together."

"Oh sweetheart! That's wonderful news!"

Smiling, I told her how it had happened - leaving out some choice situations. It was a very sanitized way of describing our relationship, but welcomed nonetheless.

"We're moving in together."

She gasped in shock. "Is that wise?"

"I love him," I said. "He's the one I'm going to spend my life with."

"I understand, honey. But... It's been years! How do you still know him? A person changes a lot in five years."

I closed my eyes. "I know," my voice was a whisper. "But my feelings for him haven't. In fact, they're stronger than ever. We're finally where we need to be to be together."