Me , Myself and I

12

I woke up this morning ,my eyes staring at the ceiling again , i woke up this morning with this knot in my stomach , not knowing where it comes from , I hear whispers from him trying to start my day , I try to mute him out but at the end he wins you are destined to be alone for the rest of your life he tells me , the pieces start to puzzle out in front of my eyes , maybe the voices in my head are right after all , it made sense , why would I wake up early in the morning to stare at the ceiling if not to think about my whole existence about my whole past , the past that I tried to run away from it but as much as I run ,it always catches up to me , the remanence of my past , it's funny because if I'm completely honest , I am a liar ,I am a deceiver and most importantly I am lying to myself by hiding under this facade of the noble man that has everything in his life figured out , this facade that helps me fill this endless void inside of me , the loneliness that floats around of me , and as much as I try to fill it with meaningless relationships and friends ,it's never the answer , and I know that but I try to lie to myself about it , when I see happiness I grab it but it slides down between my fingers and I lose it " Lonely but never alone" is my curse , but every curse has a loophole at the end , or I hope so , it's your trust issues that you need to fix he tells me , I don't have trust issues I tell him , he smirks and nods sarcastically and tells me

" You put your happiness in people , you put your trust in people but then you forget that nothing last forever , so you give people the benefit of the doubt , until one day they break your trust, that's when you find yourself utterly alone promising yourself that it's going to be the last time trusting someone but you're human you can't keep your own promises so you place your trust again in someone only this time, you feel threatened , you have been here before , you have seen how it ends , so you play the first card and end it before it ends you , Break it before it breaks you .