Completely Attached

18. Alex

Alex felt uncomfortable.

Sitting in the doctor's office always unsettled her, especially if it wasn't related to her physical body. Most of the time she could handle the scrutiny the came along with bandages, exams, or treatments, but when you were talking about the brain, the was another story.

For about 15 minutes Jhené Aiko, Sza, Victoria Monet, and strangely a little Drake blared through her earbuds, helping to drown out the noise of the rest of the office, though it didn't help to calm her mindless scrolling or the leg that bobbed up and down rather uncontrollably.

Finally, her name was called and she walked back to the doctor's office, butterflies coming up in her stomach as she took a seat in a chair and slumped down into it.

Her therapist walked in, looking at her with an unfamiliar look on her face. Alex didn't know what to make of it but it didn't seem negative.

'So you've come in for an ADHD assessment today?'

'Yea, I wanted to know if that could be the cause of a lot of my daily struggles, especially with keeping focus and stuff.

'Well I'm actually glad that you came in because it's something that I noticed a while ago.'

'Huh?'

'Yea, you think I didn't notice that you can't hold focus sometimes. You also frequently interrupt me when you talk about things you're passionate about. You're also bouncing your leg right now.'

Alex self consciously brought her leg to a halt, which really didn't work because her fingers started to move and she started to mess with things in pocket, instinctively grabbing her phone an opening it, scrolling through an app that she wasn't really paying attention to.

'I wanna say something and it might be a bit of a trigger, so I'll let you know that you can stop me whenever you feel too overwhelmed or if it hits too close to home. That good?'

Alex nodded apprehensively, the grip on her phone tightening as she locked it in place and allowed her leg to start bouncing again, the ability to release the built up tension feeling grey once she started.

'Healthcare quite often disregards the needs of women, especially women like me and you.' The comment was accompanied by her therapist pointing to the back of her hand, making sure Alex knew she was talking about black women in particular.

'We often go misdiagnosed or it's assumed that we are far more resilient than other races, so doctors quite frankly ignore us when we express our needs. I say all this to say that I think that the bipolar disorder diagnosis you got when you were younger is wrong. I do think you have ADHD.'

Alex sat there for a moment, trying to process what was just said and fight back tears as memories flooded back into her head, the painful recollections of yesteryear popping up almost like a movie screen.

10 years ago...

'I told you that I don't have anger problems, they keep messin' wit me!'

Alex huffed, her face and body tense as she was made to sit in the waiting room for a psychologist she really didn't want to go to. To be honest she felt that the other kids that got her here should be sitting in this office.

'Dumbass niggas shoulda in trouble with me-

'Watch your mouth before I cut up in this office with you'

The sting in her mother's voice was enough to close her mouth, though that didn't extend to her mind, which continued to hurl insults at people she would see again next Monday.