Lover

Ilyich Ruelle

This is one of my grandest performance ever since I performed classical music. Everyone is happy and enjoying the nice grace of night in Sydney Opera House.

The management decided to held the event here. Hindi naman sila nabigo dahil mabilis namang napuno ang venue. Even some people are fighting to get a seat in this performance since I am releasing Clandestine Heart and Hiraeth Howl.

Halos hindi rin sila magkandamayaw sa pagpila para kuhanin ang autograph ko. Some even asked if I could play their guitar before signing it.

Pinaunlakan ko naman lahat bago maghanda sa performance dito.

Tahimik ang lahat at excited habang nagsisimula ang show. Inuna ko muna ang ilang request nila katulad ng Mozart's and Bach composition. Before playing Clandestine Heart and Hiraeth Howl.

Nasa kalagitnaan na ako nang pagtugtog ng Hiraeth Howl ay agad na may tumayong lalaki mula sa audience at biglang tumalon papunta sa stage. Tinutukan nito ng baril ang musical director namin na nasa may likuran ko lang.

Nagkakagulo na rin ang mga tao. Ganun din ang security team. Na agad tumawag na ng backup.

“You... motherfucking bastard. You r-ruin my child's dream... Now he is fucking gone.... You could've told him to improve his music. But you fucking told him to die because music is not for him... Now, you will die.” The man said menacingly while holding the gun. He looked like a mess. Namumula rin ang mata nito halatang high sa kung ano mang hallucinogenic drug.

“No... I beg you...” Mr. Lakers was now trembling with fear. Ako din ay halos hindi gumagalaw sa pwesto ko. Dahil kapag gumalaw ako ay baka ako pa ang barilin nito.

“What do you mean no? You fucking deserve to die. You are heartless fucker. You killed my fucking son.... You killed my only hope... Do you know that? Do you know how much it fucking hurts to lose everything?” He offered while tears are streaming down to his face. He looked so helpless. His eyes were dead.

“He is bright child. That kid was so fucking great. He loved music and his mother last wish was to be there for him. And I did... I r-raised an amazing kid. He even said that he will do great... That he will make me proud.. But you fucking ruined that.... You have to ruin it for him... And now, I lost a son.. A fucking son... You don't know that because you don't have one.” He ranted. He looked so lost and miserable.

“Now, you have to pay that shit with your life. ... Die, Lakers... Diee..” He laughed like a mad man before firing the gun towards Mr. Lakers who shut his eyes and hugged himself.

“Sir, please.. No!” I shouted a soon as the bullet pierced the head of the man beside me.

“Shhh.... Shut up!” He hissed while hitting his head with the gun. Causing the gun to fire another round.

Sunod-sunod ang paghampas nito sa ulo habang ang dalawang kamay ay naka-sapo na sa ulo niya. His head is already bleeding from his countless hitting.

Lahat naman nang tao ay mabilis na pinapaalis ng stadium. Tanging kaming lima kasama ang tatlong pulis na nakikipag-usap sa lalaki at ako na tulala sa Musical Director namin na sumabog lang ang ulo sa harap ko.

Hindi nadaan sa usapan at nagulat na lang ako na pinasabog din ng lalaki ang ulo niya. Tumalsik sa mukha ko ang dugo niya. It tainted my face.

While I was staring in spaces..

I was even admitted to hospital and consult even psychiatrist to check on me. But I refused. I even refused to talked about it. Even my family didn't know. That's why I agreed easily when they asked me to left Camden. Because I can no longer play piano without seeing the blood in my hands. Without hearing the gunshots.. Without feeling that I am inside of that stadium.

****
But with Attorney is different. She made me do things that I thought I can no longer do. She made me go back to music. I have loved music more because of her. Because I started playing because of her... And when she left... The rally of past haunted me. She is my sanity.

And it feels like she started pulling the trigger for him when she left.

Mas kinakain na nito ang pag-iisip ko. I am barely sane. I could even hear the sound of the gunshots. I can even feel the warm blood that splattered in my face...

I feel like I was back again in that stadium.

No one knew what happened in Camden. And those nightmares didn't haunt me when I was with Rev.

With Rev, everything was at peace. She was everything I asked for. She is my peace. My home.

Everyone thought I left music because I am no longer capable of playing because of my unsteady hands and barely functional hearing. But I left music because my melody was also taken away when Rev left. She is the reason why I play and without Rev I refuse to play anything. Because she is the only listener I care about.

Because she is the only person who gave me peace when everything inside me is in catastrophe.

She taught me how to love. She taught me things I didn't know. She introduced me to realms of peace and melodies.

And every time I will hear her voice in her voice mail. It pulls me back to sanity. No one knows that.

Even my attempt to jump on top our own buildings but I remembered Rev telling me that she is scared to fall.

But she wants to fly. So, I decided to continue flying for her. Whenever sanity is not available I sought for the sky. I search for the sanity above the clouds because Rev wants to fly and she loves the sky.

And she kept telling me that I am her sunshine and yellow. But I refused to claim that. Because I am far from bright yellow. I am far from sunshine. But she is. She is my sunshine. She is my favorite version of yellow. Because everything she is gives me immense sense that things will be okay soon.

I refuse to jump to her life again because I am no longer the person who can handle her.

I am far from stable. My sanity flew out of the window when she left.

I am afraid to hurt her.

But I know, I love her. I love her enough to save her from myself.

She is so damn pretty.

She is the sea...
She is deep, drowning and blue..
But everything she is combined;
is tranquility and beauty.

Reverence Deil, you'll always be my favorite version of yellow. You are my angel.

My revival... Thank you for coming back.

I am so fucking proud of you.

My baby is Doctor and MBA degree holder.

I hope you are happy..

Kapag pwede pa, sana pwede pa...

Ikaw lagi...

Patuloy kitang tinatangi...

Sasusunod baka pwede na.