The Other Side Of The World (Book 1 of T.O.S.O.T.W)

16. Ever and Evermore (Ending Chapter)

Kevin's POV

I'm alone.

Just sitting in the dark, in the highest top where I can see the lights, the stars, peoples. But all I can hear is my own heartbeat. Beating and skipping one another. I can't feel my heart.

I can't feel anything. All I can feel is the pain that I know for sure that wouldn't heal.

Sabi nila time can heal, but I do trust my gut that this won't. This is the pain that could last forever. And I knew it from the very start.

One thing I know for sure is that, life is
much more shorter than a year, a month, a week, a day, an hour, a minute, and a second. Life is shorter. Life is too short to live on. I realized that, no matter how many days, or even years you live, it will end in just one destination. And it is death. Death that most people are afraid of. But in my case, I'm not.

I'm not afraid of anything. Simula noong iniwan ako ni Seph.

Author's Note: You may listen to What Was I Made For? while reading this entire chapter because I want you to feel the pain that Kevin is dealing with.

I used to float, now I just fall down
I used to know, but I'm not sure now
What I was made for
What was I made for?
Takin' a drive, I was an ideal
Looked so alive, turns out, I'm not real
Just something you paid for
What was I made for?

Sinasabayan ko lang nag pagkanta kasabay ng luha na tumutulo mula sa mga mata ko. Pinipilit kong huwag umiyak, ngunit sarili ko na ang kumakalaban sa akin.

Ang hirap sa sitwasyon na hindi mo alam ang gagawin mo matapos mong sumugal lumaban, pero sumuko yung totoong pinaglalaban. Hindi ko rin naman siya masisisi, at hindi ko siya sinisisi. Ang sa akin lang, bakit siya sumuko?

Alam kong mas lalo lang siyang mahihirapan, at hindi na niya kaya. Pero… It's too late for this.

'Cause I, I
I don't know how to feel
But I wanna try
I don't know how to feel
But someday I might
Someday I might

Mm, mm-mm, aah-ooh
Mm-mm-mm, mm-mm, mm-mm

When did it end? All the enjoyment
I'm sad again, don't tell my boyfriend
It's not what he's made for
What was I made for?

'Cause I, 'cause I
I don't know how to feel
But I wanna try
I don't know how to feel
But someday I might
Someday I might

Think I forgot, how to be happy
Something I'm not, but something I can be
Something I wait for
Something I'm made for
Something I'm made for

Nang matapos ang music ay binack ko ito, at pagkatapos ay binuksan ang camera ng phone ko upang ivideo ang aking sarili.

Nang itinaas upang itapat ko sa aking mukha ang video at ipaplay na sana ito. Napansin kong hindi maayos ang aking mukha. Kahit madilim ay natatamaan ng brightness ng phone ko ang mukha ko at dagdag pa ang liwanag ng buwan kung kaya't nakita ko ang sarili kong repleksiyon na punong-puno ng lungkot ang mga mata, at sobrang lalim ng mga ito. Halata sa aking mukha na kaiiyak ko lang at pagod na pagod.