I'm Meant To Hate You

35

We were due back home the next day, our bags were packed and stuffed in the boot of Laurel and Mel's car. I didn't want to leave, I wished that I could stay here forever. Stay with my family.

Jerry and Shar enveloped me in a tight hug as I stood with them. "We love you dear. Be careful. And never give up on that young lady over there. She loves you more than you know." Shar said, tapping my bag and pulling away, moving to say goodbye to someone else. But Jerry's grip on me didn't faltered.

"Jerry. You have to let me go." I mumbled.

"I know. Just let me have this. You better get back here in a few weeks. I'm going to miss you Kiana." His deep voice wobbled a little. Something I had never had the liberty to see. To experience. To know that I meant so much to him.

"I'll miss you too."

"You call me if your mother shows up. I'll be straight down there." He let go of me as his voice turned cold.

"I will. But I can handle it." I smiled at him, before dropping down to Wren's height. "I'll see you soon, bud." I said, knowing that there wasn't much else I could say to a boy his age, especially considering we hadn't known each other that long. He nodded before running to his Mum. "Bye guys." I said finally as I walked towards the car.

I sighed heavily once I plonked down in the leather seat, letting the heat of the car surround me in an attempt to calm my nerves. All I wanted to do was be here, saying goodbye was the hardest thing I've done. But it's not forever. And I still have people around me. I have Mel, Laurel and of course Emily. I still have Emily.

The rain beating against the window reminds me of how I sometimes feel when I'm with her. The beating in my heart. No rhythm, just catastrophe. At some point that catastrophe became its own song. I came to love how erratically it thudded beneath my chest.

People often describe a world where love is all that matters. Yet to find love, I have had to find myself. I have had to move mountains to get to where I am today. Love is the only thing that matters in a romance novel. In a book that contains pages upon pages of how two people fall in love. Words will never be slimmed down small enough to be able to fit in a book for real love. But getting absorbed in a love story makes everyone feel something. Something that they desire. Books give unnatural views on relationships. You're one lucky soul if you end up dancing around the streets of Greece singing Voulez- Vou during the preparations of your wedding. A film view on love, but it's all the same.

Maybe in the beginning our love story was lost. A depicted view of love. Because then it was hate. Pure hate. But in times where I needed saving, she offered me a sailing boat far away from that dreadful island that I wished was in Greece, where I wish I sang with a middle aged English man with a guitar that could be my Dad, but we don't all get what Donna's daughter got.

But for me, I wish I had the mystery of finding out who my Dad was. Who he truly was and how he would be if he really acted as my Dad. Because the Dad I had was not a father to me at all. But then there was my Mother. She was no better. If she's taught me anything, it's that you have to trust yourself before you trust anyone else. And even if you have no one, believe in yourself. I gave them everything I had to be their daughter; that they so easily discarded. Having Jerry helped me understand what it meant, having Richard aided that. But knowing that my real Dad was alive, and making no effort to fix things. That was something I couldn't ignore. The fact that I would never get my Dad back.

So I suppose, there was no chance in Lucifer's homeland that I would be anything like Donna's daughter. Soph. As most people call her. She had an amazing mother, and three possible father figures. They all lined up for her. Not one, but fucking three. Bit selfish if you ask me, but no one asked me.

"Are you okay?" Her soft voice interrupted my wandering mind. I met her eyes. Her beautiful, hazel eyes.

"I have you. I have those two. And I have a family. My heart was ruined, stretched to its last beat as I tried so desperately to hold on to love that I didn't have. I have love with you. I may want some things, or hoped that they were different, but this right now, is all I will ever need." I mumbled as her eyes glowed when we passed some source of light.

"You're such a beautiful person, Kiana. Your heart was a mess, but it's never been more pure. You've been through things, some that would change a person forever. And I won't dent the fact that you've changed, but you're still you. I will never forget how your eyes used to look at me back then, and I'm so glad that I can wake up every day and see those same eyes. You're amazing. Don't ever change." She mumbled as she leant her head against my shoulder.

"I won't. I promise. My heart will only ever beat in this rhythm when I'm with you. Why would I ever want to change that?" I whispered, placing a gently kiss against her head before resting mine on top of her's.

"I don't want to interrupt, but that was beautiful guys." Mel teased from the front, winking at me as she reached back to squeeze my leg.

"Fuck off." I murmured.

"Hey. She's allowed to compliment our relationship." Em spoke up.

"She can fuck off." I mumbled, glaring at Mel.

"Calm down babe. You won't be sleeping with your girlfriend tonight if you don't lose that attitude, right Emily?" Mel asked.

"I will. But please drop the attitude. The bickering is tiring and I'm not even the one whining." Emily muttered.

"I'm not whining, she was being a fucking bi-."

"Stop. Don't be so aggressive." Emily warned as she covered my mouth with her hand. I heaved out a breath as I took her hand away.

"Fine. But I'm buying different tea bags to use in every cup of tea she asks for."

"You fucking touch my Yorkshire tea and I will shove a fucking tea bag-."

"Mel!" Laurel shushed her. I smirked at her from the back. I wasn't smirking because I won. Even though I did. I was smirking because she teased me, but we were both the same. We would both hang onto every word that our girlfriend's said. We would both drop the world for them. And that made me happy.

We were finally happy.