Seducing the Careers

Nightmare

I was back in the arena. That stupid arena.

"Toni! Help me!" I hear. Clove.

What the hell was happening. Had it all been a dream? Some sick delusion from my leg infection. I never really won, did I? I was still fighting for my life in this stupid, stupid arena.

"Fuck" I whisper to myself, mentally preparing to finish this.

"Clove?!" I yell, running towards the direction of her voice.

I find her, being choked by Thresh. I remembered this happening in my dream.

"Thresh stop! Let her go. Please!" I beg. I couldn't let Clove die this time.

"Why should I?" he asks, keeping his hand on her throat.

"Stop it. Stop it! I love her! Please" I beg him.

He doesn't stop and I grab the knife in my boot.

"I'm sorry" I whisper, throwing the knife into his neck, killing him.

"Clove! Baby, are you okay?" I ask, cautiously, helping her up.

She breathes heavily but nods at me. "Thanks, Toni" she says.

Then suddenly, a sword goes through her head, and I scream as blood sprays out at me.

There stood Lumen, holding the knife that killed Clove.

"You monster!" I scream at him.

"What's wrong, little district partner? Can't handle one small death? You've killed other tributes. Don't you think they had people who loved them too? Or did you think you were the only one?" he teases me.

I shake my head and cry, as he came closer to me with the sword.

"I didn't have a choice" I cry out.

"Well then Thresh didn't have a choice but to kill Clove. Looks like we're not the only monsters in this game" he says, grabbing me.

This was it. I was gonna die.

"Wait a minute" I breathe out, realizing something.

"Thresh didn't kill her. You did. I stopped him. I... killed him" I say. Something felt wrong.

"But did you really?" asks a voice behind me.

I turn around to see Thresh alive and well. Pulling my knife out of his shoulder. Had I missed? I could've sworn I killed him.

"What the hell is going on?" I ask.

"You're a lousy shot" he shrugs. He proceeds to throw the knife into Lumen's head, killing him.

I shuffle back and start running.

"You're next" he says, tackling me onto the ground.

"You killed Rue, so you're next!" he yells, hitting me repeatedly.

"I'm sorry! I didn't mean to, I'm sorry! Please" I cry.

He pulls out my knife and as I think he's about to kill me, I notice something.

"My knife. You just used it to kill Lumen" I say. How could he have gotten it back?

I look over to Lumen's dead body and it was gone. So was Clove's.

"Except it's not your knife. Is it?" Thresh pushes.

"Shut up!" I push him off of me. "Shut up" I mutter to myself this time, holding my face and trying to clear my head.

"You pulled it out of your boot earlier. But that's not where it was" he says.

My mind began to clear. "It was Clove's. She was holding it when she died" I realize.

"This is the dream" I whisper to myself in realization, looking down at my hands.

Then, I'm tackled to the ground once more by Thresh. He's on top of me laying down punch after punch.

"Yeah. And you need to wake up!" he yells at me.

***********************************

"Wake up! Toni wake up. It's just a nightmare" my brother shakes me awake.

Hazy from the nightmare, I push him off me with force.

"Stop it, get off me!" I scream.

The first thing I do is look down at my scarless hands, a habit I picked up to tell if I'm dreaming. Clearly it's not habitual enough to have worked in that dream.

"Shit, sorry" I whisper, wiping the sweat and tears off my face.

"It's just me, Nathan. It was just a nightmare. You're here. You won remember" he says, carefully approaching me.

I nod and he pulls me into a hug. "Sorry for pushing you so hard" I apologize.

He chuckles. "Barely even felt it" he says

"Come on. You know that's a lie" I tease him.

He chuckles with me. "Come on now. Try to get back to sleep" he says.

"You know I can't" I roll my eyes.

It'd been almost a year since I got out. And the nightmares haven't stopped. Of Clove, Rue. All of them.

Sometimes I don't know I'm dreaming and I wake up feeling like how I'd felt when I first escaped from the Games.

And sometimes, I know it's a dream the whole time. It doesn't make it much better, but at least I get to see Clove.

Most people dream of their loved ones. But I only see mine in my nightmares.

Sometimes, I even dream of Snow, or the Capitol. Killing what was left of my family.

"Could you... stay again?" I ask Nate.

"Sure, Toni. I'll stay" he assures me and gets under the covers. I always sleep better when other people are with me.

Reminds me of what felt like decades ago, when Ben and I slept in the same bed every night because we were too poor for more rooms and beds.

"You'll be there when I wake up, right? Or... just wake me up if you need to leave" I tell him, trying to get comfortable again.

"Is this about Clove? That time she said she'd stay, and she didn't?" he asks me.

"Ughh" I pull the covers over my head in annoyance of him trying to over-analyze everything I do. "Whatever you say, Nate" I say, turning away from him and trying to get back to sleep.

"I'm sorry about Clove, Toni. But I'm not going anywhere" he says.

I roll my eyes and don't turn back but can't help but smile before going back to sleep.

And with my brother next to me, I fall into a dreamless, peaceful slumber.