Seducing the Careers

Friends

She finally leaves the room, and my makeshift Hunger Games is over.

Now comes the part I'm familiar with. The part where I have finally escaped the arena and can at last have a mental breakdown.

I get off the bed and lay on the ground, finally allowing myself to cry a bit.

"I'm sorry! I'm really sorry! I didn't mean to. I didn't want to. I promise!" I look up at the ceiling and sob to her. To Clove.

The idea that she might be up there, watching me betray her honor, made me want to throw up even more.

Why did I have to fight so hard to win the Games? Just to be here now? If I'd died in that arena. Everything would be fine.

My family would be sad, but they'd be in no danger. And maybe I'd be with Clove right now.

"But you'd probably scold me, wouldn't you. For letting you die for nothing" I chuckle, trying to stop crying.

But it only makes me cry more at the memory of her death. She'd really died for me to be here. I couldn't complain.

I pick myself up and head for the bathroom.

Surely a shower would help with this whole mess. I hop in the shower and the water begins pouring onto my skin.

All I had to do was to wipe off all traces of that vile woman from my skin.

But no matter how hard and intensely I scrub, I can still feel her hands all over my body and her knife on my neck.

I had nearly scrubbed off an entire layer of skin before I realize that there was no use in trying.

There really was no leaving that woman. There was no forgetting, especially with my memory.

I collapse to the floor of the shower and just let myself sob a bit. I figured it my face was getting wet either way. Might as well cry some more.

It actually felt kind of nice. Really crying like that.

It was a form of crying that I'd never really let myself do before.

Then I hear some feint whispering outside my suite door.

"She's been in that suite too long, Fin. Let's get her out of there. What if she tries to hurt herself?"

"Jo, I think she just needs more time. Let's just wait a little more"

I smile, remembering I had good friends who were worried about me. The girl had left a long while ago. Perhaps I have been in here too long.

I wash off my tears in the shower and then get out and quickly dressed, making sure I didn't look like I was crying too much.

I open the door, and the two, who seemed to be quietly arguing, suddenly jump, clearly surprised I opened the door.

"You guys argue pretty loudly, you know" I say, trying to seem like I hadn't been crying for the past hour, though by the looks on their faces, I'm sure they noticed anyways.

Their faces were laced with pity. Something I deeply hated.

I'd always hated being pitied. It felt like being looked down upon. Like I was weak, or stupid, or just simply not good enough. Which really sucks when you're someone who wants to be good at everything.

"What? You guys wanted to come in here so badly, huh? What, you want a turn next?" I angrily joke, wanting to wipe their pitying looks off their faces.

But it backfired a bit when my voice shook and a few tears fell from my eyes, which I instantly used my fingers to wipe away.

"What? I'm fine" I say, angrier.

"It's fine! Just stop looking at me like that!" I say, starting to sob halfway through my sentence.

"Hey, it's okay to cry in front of us, Toni. We know you're strong, but strong people cry too" says Finnick, softly.

I want to argue. But somehow I just can't and just nod, sitting down to cry to them.

They sit down in front of me and seem to make sure to keep their distance from me, which I'm grateful for. It's not that I didn't want to be close to them. I just didn't want to be close to anyone, really.

"It's just— She was so— And she was wearing— And it really—" I manage to get a few words out between my sobs, but nothing they could comprehend.

They're sympathetically listening to me babble, when Finnick seems to notice something and nudges Johanna.

"Go get a Band-Aid and some Neosporin from the bathroom" he instructs Johanna, who quickly follows his instructions.

She comes back with the stuff and puts it on the ground in front of me.

"For your neck, love" says Finnick, gently.

I calm down my crying a bit so I can talk better.

"Wh-what, this?" I point to the wound on my neck. "It's just a s-small cut" I say, getting a little annoyed at how hard talking was in this state.

Johanna's eyes widen.

"Well it's still bleeding a bit. So you should use this stuff" Finnick says kindly, as if I was a piece of glass that would break any minute.

I oblige and grab it.

"How'd that happen? Did that little bitch do this to you?" Johanna asks.

Her change in attitude makes me flinch a little.

Finnick nudges her, like a parent. "She doesn't need to tell us anything, Johanna" he reminds her.

"No, I wanna know! It was her, wasn't it? I'm gonna go find her and slit her little throa—" Johanna gets up to leave but Finnick pulls her back down to the floor.

"Johanna stop, you're scaring her. Let this go. She needs you here" Finnick whispers to her.

"You're right. It was her" I cut in. "It's okay, Finnick. It's nice to vent to you guys" I say, assuring him that I was okay with explaining what had happened.

"She- she had a knife. Because she was d-dressed like. Like" a sob escapes from my mouth before I finish my sentence.

Oh god. It can't be that hard to finish one sentence, Toni. Just stop crying for like two seconds.

"Sorry" I say, wiping my eyes and sniffling a few times to minimize the crying.

"She was dressed like her. Like Clove. She thought she was doing me a favor. And she said Clove liked knives so she wanted to use one" I say, letting a few tears fall from my eyes.

"Oh, god. Toni..." I hear Johanna's sympathetic voice and see the pity in their eyes deepen.

But for once I realized that the pity wasn't because they thought I was weak or beneath them. It was because they cared about me.

They were my friends. And I really did feel safe around them.

Johanna inched a little closer to me. "Can I—"

I assume she was gonna ask if she could come closer or something. But before she could finished her sentence, I engulfed the two of them into a hug.

It didn't feel as scary as I thought it would. To touch them. Somehow I just knew that these two would never try to hurt me.

"Thanks guys. For caring so much" I say, hugging them tightly, as if they were about to run away.