Love Sick

06

RYLIE

"What." I manage to speak.

"Therapy... you have your first appointment on Monday," my mother tells me.

"Mom, no!" I tell him, raising my voice a little.

"I don't need a twenty-year-old, to tell my problems to." as I talk I can slowly feel the anger coursing through my blood.

"Rylie, please, just one session at least. What you went through was traumatic!" She yells at me.

"Oh really?" I take a breath, stand up, and rub a hand over my face.

"Do you really think I don't know? You think I don't regret doing it every fucking day of my life?" I say, my voice breaking from the tears threatening to spill down my cheeks.

"You saw me there on the ground! Eli saw me on the ground!" I take another hesitant breath.

"R-Ruby saw me on the ground!" A tear rolls down my cheek.

"Look, this is what I mean! It's eating from the inside out! You have to talk about it. If not to me or your friends. Then to a therapist."

I turn around and try to compose my shedding tears.

This can not be happening.

"But that's what happens, Mom! You don't fucking understand!" I turn around to face her again. "You don't understand the fact that I don't want to talk about it! You don't understand that it haunts me every day! I can't even think about it and yet you want me to talk about it?" There is a pause.

Before I let her answer, I kick up my heels and run up the stairs. I can't do this right now.

What happened after everything happened was really traumatic. I have to block it from my memory because it hurts so much.

The loneliness I felt.

The betrayal.

The wrath.

The depression.

Everything I felt in that place was traumatic. After it happen, everyone tried to find out what had happened.

Why I did it, how it felt.

My friends, my family, and even my teachers tried to talk to me about it. I didn't give in for multiple reasons.

I made myself forget. I forced it and somehow I still feel it. I feel it running through my blood.

My veins.

My bones.

I opened the door to my room and then closed it. I need to find my diary.

Where is it?

Where is it?

Where is it?

I look in my closet. My dresser. Even under my bed, I won't stop until I find it.

As I get up from looking under my bed, I see Aaron in his room. He looks like he's playing a game.

It also looks like Grayson and Dylan have broken up. I see Dylan walking around holding what appears to be... a teddy bear? Grayson, on the other hand, is next to Aaron on the floor and on his phone.

I get out of my trans and look around my room. Tears still stain my cheeks as they fall.

Then I sit on the floor and sit crosswise. I put my elbows on my knees and my hands on my head.

My mom wants the best for me. She wants to help me so much that she is suffocating me. but she doesn't understand that I don't want her to help.

I sit in the same position for a while.