Koroshiya 殺し屋 ⋮ Fushiguro Toji

Chapter 38

Love, like life, is so mysterious. We never truly know when it begins and we never truly know when or how it will end. And in certain situations in love (true love) if it ever ends at all.

"My choice......."

It was a dull ache at first. One that erupted in your chest. It came on quickly and unannounced. Then it began to fester in seconds into a burning pain that ran rampant throughout your body. Hurt, that's what you were feeling.

".......has always been you."

It was the first time you kept eye contact. There was a certain sorrow in your eyes that he had not seen before.

"Toji...." you place your hands on him and you run them across his chest slowly. The sudden act caught him off guard.

You weren't hurt from those affectionate and devoted words from the man. Not at all. You were hurt because, in this very moment, you knew you had to hurt him and tell him all the things he does not wish to hear. And that alone pained you. Because you care about him.

Your arms wrap around the man and you bury the side of your face onto his chest. For the first time, you held him close and he felt it—all of it.

It was almost a whisper, "....I love you, Toji...."

For the first time, Toji is afraid.

"....so much...." and then you let go of him.

Nothing could hide the glassy look on your eyes. They well with tears but you give it your best effort to blink them back and they don't fall.

The man remains quiet as he continues to stare at you with unwavering attention. He may appear indifferent and you'll never know what this is doing to him.

"....which is why I need to do this." and then you swipe at your cheeks cause you couldn't bite them back any longer.

When you walk away this time, you knew he wouldn't try to stop you. Maybe it was the fact that you weren't lying. And maybe it was the fact that you were partially right. Right that you couldn't keep this up—that he shouldn't keep this up. Right that there is a limiting factor and a factor that's planning on staying. He doesn't say a single thing and you don't expect him to.

You finally walk back to the table where Utahime waits impatiently.

"What took you so goddamn lo—!" but then she cuts herself short upon seeing your doleful expression.

You grab her by the arm and yank her out of the seat, "We have to go!"

"W-waaaaaait!" the girl trips and wobbles before she catches her footing but your minds too scattered to notice her current struggle, "What's the matter?? Did something happen??"

Utahime calls your name and continues to attempt to grab your attention but you don't hear any of it. You continue to pull her forcefully towards the entrance of the restaurant.

"(Y/N)!" she gives up. She sticks her hand into her purse quickly. The girl then flies the yen at the nearest waiter, "SORRY! HERE YOU GO!"

Toji stops at the end of the hallway that connects back to the dining area. He watches your retreating figure like he's done so on many occasions. He stuffs his hands into his pockets and looks towards his assigned table. Tsumiki sits patiently and her gaze goes from the sudden commotion at the glass doors to Toji. She's confused and assumes there's some type of connection here. The girl wears a look of concern.

It was similar to a burning wick of a candle, one that's on its last threads. Toji tries to remember the smell, the warmth, the flame and the way it sways beautifully in even the darkest of nights—his nights. Just like his late wife and just like the first time, eventually, it'll be nothing but a fond memory. One that he'll hide in the most deepest parts of his heart.