★‧˚Bucky Barnes-One Shots・˚₊༉

love

Loving someone is complicated, and loving someone broken like Bucky is even more hard.

It doesn't mean that I don't love him, it just means that there are times when no matter how much I would like to, I don't know what to do to help him.

It breaks my heart to hear him wake up at night, agitated and almost always crying.

I just try to help as much as I can, but sometimes I feel like it's of no use.

I am grateful to be his partner and to be able to help him in any way I can, but I need him to do his part, I really want him to understand how much I love him but he is so deep in his suffering that he cannot see clear.

and I don't blame him, any person in his situation would be the same, and not everyone has gone through the hell that Bucky's life has been.

★

We were both in the living room of our apartment, watching a low-quality movie to which neither of us was paying attention.

We were both too tired to try to understand the plot, we were just lying there on the couch, hugging each other while trying to fall asleep, since Bucky had nightmares during the night, causing neither of us to sleep properly.

I could hear Bucky sigh, I looked at him and realized that he was already looking at me, so we stayed for a few seconds until he spoke.

_forgive me for doing this._He said as he looked into my eyes, showing regret.

_huh? because of the night? I have explained to you that you should not apologize, you know that I would do that and more for you._I whispered without breaking eye contact and kissed him on the forehead.

_I know, but look at you, now you look just as terrible as me._He murmured while laughing softly, he smiled at me and let out a small sigh as he stared at me._you don't deserve to live like this because of me._

_like what? like the happiest woman in the world thanks to you?_I mumbled as I stared at him, he sat down on the couch so we could face each other.

He gave me a short kiss on the cheek and smiled at me, I did the same and we looked at each other for a few moments, knowing that we didn't need to talk to feel comfortable together.

I lay back down on the couch with Bucky, he did the same and snuggled with me.

I believed that we had both created a dangerous dependence on each other, we were both lonely people and I guess we still are, despite all that we were able to find each other.

Despite all the problems and differences, we are still together.

trying to get ahead, holding hands walking the path of life.

It will sound cheesy or cliché, but I love him, and he is my soulmate, the only person I want and need.

That he loves me gives me peace, makes me feel like a better person, a free and happy person.

_I want to be yours, but I can't yet, and you are still not mine._ I whispered while playing with Bucky's hair, love goes beyond saying I love you and being a couple,we had to learn to love,we were both stupid on that thing,we are so alike but so different.

we are both lost souls who can barely carry their own problems, how could we can help the person we love? we will do it as soon as we heal.

Until we heal ours hearts and forgive everything we did, accept our past and understand that maybe that happened for a reason, so that we could knew each other.

we are both dependent, both can no longer live without each other, we have become one.

Love is a complicated word,I know how to use it,I know who to say it to and when to say it.

_I love you..._ I whispered as I hugged him tightly, wanting to unite our bodies in that hug, to make our hearts stay next to each other.

My words melt through him, leaving him feeling vulnerable and warm and loved.

My body pressed up against his is so comforting, so addicting. We both need each other. So badly. So desperately.

_I love you too_ he whispers.

He melts into me, his face nuzzled into my neck. His body is relaxed, his heart full of love.

love that I give him every day, every hour, a heart that will always be full as long as I am alive.

but despite all the love we show each other, all the things we have promised each other.

we both too scared to fall in love, too vulnerable to be hurt, and not capable enough to love.

Bucky's been hurt so much, he can't help but keep his distance. He pushes me away more than anything, and it frustrates me to no end.

I want him.

I crave him.

I need him.

But he has to let go of his pain before he can embrace me.

Before he can become mine.

Bucky kisses my neck, breathing in my scent.

There's a sadness there, a sense of longing and regret and guilt.

He doesn't feel worthy of my love,and i know it,i feel the same.

All I wants is to be with him, with no regrets, with no secrets.

_Promise me you'll never leave me._ Bucky said softly, trying to sound calm, but i knew he was scared.

He doesn't want to lose me

And I don't want to lose him.

i CAN'T lose him.

_I could never do it..._ I whispered back, trying to give him some comfort, knowing it wouldn't last long.

and even knowing that it wouldn't last, I would tell him more than a thousand times out loud until he understood how much I love him and everything I would do for him.

Shortly after we were both fast asleep, both of us hugging each other.

sleeping peacefully, knowing that when they wake up, they will have their soulmate next to them.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

Words #10450

It took me a long time to update, I'm sorry.

But i'm back!