★‧˚Bucky Barnes-One Shots・˚₊༉

A little bit

Bucky Barnes x Reader

Tw:Toxic relationships, angst, mentions of panic attacks,etc.

If you are sensitive to any of these topics, I recommend not reading it.

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

You have always loved him despite everything, you have sacrificed everything for him, even your own life.

your youth.

You’d sacrifice everything.

But still, when he pulls you closer, there’s only one thing you feel: an aching pull in the center of your chest that just begs to be released.

Love.

As you fall against him, Bucky whispers against your ear, “take the pain with me. Let it run through you, be absorbed into your body until it no longer hurts me.”

You can’t help it. He’s too sweet, too affectionate, too much at all the right moments.

You can't help but cry, seas come out of your eyes.

You tried everything, everything to help him,You will die if You keep doing this.

But you do it for him.

For him to love you.

But it's not enough, he always want more, it's exhausting, the most exhausted feeling you ever felt.

Bucky has exhausted you and drained you. But you’re still happy to provide him, to give him an abundance of affection and care.

It’s only natural that he’d want more from you. After all, you are capable of giving him everything,you would die if you keep going like this.

But you do it for him.

For him to love you.

But it's not enough, he always want more, it's exhausting, the most exhausted feeling you ever felt.

Bucky has exhausted you and drained you. But you’re still happy to provide him, to give him an abundance of affection and care.

It’s only natural that he’d want more from you. After all, you are capable of giving him everything.

But there’s a limit to your strength. Eventually, you will become as broken as he is.

Bucky will take from you but never reciprocate.

It’s unbalanced.

It’s almost enough to make you want to leave him.

But…

How could you leave him? It's a drug.

You are addict.

Addicted to him, and you know that if You walk away the only thing you will achieve will be your own death.

For a long time now – ever since you met Bucky – you have suffered from very concurrent anxiety attacks, no matter how calm you are, you will always start to feel that stabbing pain in your chest.

All because of Bucky.

You are addicted to Bucky because he gives you a false sense of protection. Your anxiety attacks are triggered by fear, and Bucky makes you feel safe.

In reality, Bucky is just another source of fear in your life. He causes your anxiety and makes it worse.

You can’t rely on him for true comfort because he’ll never be capable of giving it to you.

When you think you’re being cuddled by him, that’s just him squeezing you tighter. It’s not comfort you feel,it’s fear.

You’ve lost track of who you are. You aren’t you, anymore. There’s only Bucky.

The pain in your chest makes your heart ache, your throat tighten, every breath is labored.

It’s like you’re dying when there’s no reason for the pain. Your life has been taken from you and you feel like a ghost walking around in your body.

The only joy you get is in the rare moments Bucky’s not angry or cold or distant. Those moments... you feel him, and you cling on for dear life.

You try to continue believing that Bucky loves you, you try with all your heart, but it doesn't work.

Nothing is enough, you've been fooled for yourself so long.

You've been fooled for so long by anyone in your life.

It's sad but true, you would think that Bucky is the only one who protects you, but he also does.

He also lies to you, more than anyone else.

Your mind knows, your heart doesn’t want to accept it.

Bucky is a liar, he uses people.

He’ll tell you he loves you, that you’re his soulmate, that you’re the only one for him...

and he’ll mean it in the moment.

Those moments are a reprieve for you. But then he turns around and lies to you.

He’s just…cold.

Bucky lies to you constantly, and you’re tired of it.

But when he kisses you, it feels like he finally acknowledges you, finally sees you.

Bucky’s kisses are like medicine, soothing and intoxicating.

You don’t want to pull away, but his kisses are short, infrequent, like he can’t afford to show you affection.

He’s too far gone. His soul is tainted, his heart locked away.

He can’t trust you, no matter how much he wants to.

But that doesn't justify everything he's done to you.

Does not justify all the abuse.

Doesn't justify all the lies.

There is no point in defending him, there is no way that what he does is justified, it is simply wrong.

We have all suffered, but why take it out on someone who has nothing to do with it?

Why take it out on the person you supposedly love?

He's been through a lot,you know it.

You know all this, and yet you can’t just leave.

You know all this, and yet you can’t just leave. You still hold onto this delusion that you’re the one that can fix him.

That he loves you as much as you love him.

Lies.

You’ve invested your time in him, your entire life has been sacrificed for the sake of your relationship with him, and you can’t bear to face the reality.

Your mind knows it’s not right, but your heart is still trying to hang on.

But how much longer will you endure this?…

How long can you survive in this one-sided relationship?

How long do you think it’ll take before all these bottled up emotions explode?

And when they do, will you be okay?

Bucky isn’t worth all the pain you’ve felt and all the sacrifices you’ve made. But you simply can’t leave him.

Neither of them would still be alive if that happened.

What will you do?

…

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。.

#1025

More anguish because I am the most depressed person you will ever meet/j

I feel crazy for talking alone because no one comments >:(

Get your butts ready because I'm coming with a one shot of infidelity  🗣️🗣️ (whit Natasha lol)