CHANCE | luke castellan

THE BEGINNING OF EVERYTHING

So,where to start?

Well, the best from the beginning. My name is Helen Johnson, actually Helen Maria Johnson. But why bother with these stupid details! I've always hated details, actually I hate a lot of things. Sometimes I think that there are more things in this world that I hate than things that I love. Although there are some things that I like, but I don't really talk about those things, if I told them to everyone, someone could use them against me, so it's better to keep quiet. Otherwise, I don't talk much. I only say something if it is really important, because why waste precious air and time talking about unimportant things!
Why am I wasting my time now? The answer is very clear. Because I have enough time at this moment. Why? Because I don't have to do anything else that is important at this moment. I just found out I got kicked out of this stupid school. Surely now everyone would think that I am having a hard time and that I am sad. But in reality I don't really care. I hate this school. I despise this stupid place from the bottom of my soul. If I could have lit it, it would have burned long ago. The people here are rude, the food is like in prison, and the rules aren't much different either. You must have thought by now that I was kicked out for breaking the rules, but that's not the case. If it was so easy to get kicked out because of the rules, I would have been wiped out of this disgusting place a long time ago. I was kicked out because of grades. I hate grades, it's like a "measure of knowledge", you can think to yourself. I'm smarter than 95% of these idiots in this nasty place, and 90% have better grades than me.

I have already packed my things, already last week. I knew I would be kicked out of here. I don't have a single friend here, I don't like getting close to people. Because everyone leaves sooner or later. And the more you get attached to someone, the harder it is to let go of that person later. I'm not really speaking from personal experience, because I don't normally get attached to people. This leads to emotions, and emotions lead to weakness. And weak people do not survive in this world. Eat or be eaten, that's how things work here. That's how my whole life is. From birth, and probably until death.

My first days of life. Man, I hate talking about it. My mother died a few days after I was born. To some extent, I feel that I am to blame for that, very likely I am. But I'm not the only one to blame either, my selfish father didn't even deign to attend my birth. I've never actually even seen him in my life. For fifteen years now, I've been thinking that I don't want to see him. He could be there, but he isn't. He never announced himself or sent a letter. Maybe he doesn't even know I exist, or more likely he doesn't care. Nobody knew anything about him or his family. My mom didn't have any family, so I ended up in an orphanage. Where I spent part of my life. I didn't really hate it there, now I'm going back there. This place is much worse. As you can see, my life is quite boring. I don't really want to make my life look too bad. There are people with much worse lives than mine. Mine just boring, and I'm partly to blame for that. I almost forgot that I'm leaving this horrible place tomorrow. I have to say goodbye to Mr. Wilson. He is one of the professors here. He teaches history. And yes, he's actually the reason why I'm being kicked out of here, I think I'm the reason, that is my bad grades. But he is the one who failed me in his subject, I don't blame him, not even a little bit. In fact, I am even somewhat grateful to him. I hate most of the professors here, but not him. He is an excellent professor, but more importantly a good man. He is always there to help. But you can't help someone who doesn't want help.

I knocked on the doorbell of his office.
-Who is that?; he asked.
- Helen, Helen Johnson; I answered.
- Come in!
-Good afternoon; I greeted him; - I just came to say goodbye. I'm leaving this place tomorrow
.-I heard. I'm terribly sorry. If I could...- It's not your fault. You couldn't do anything.; I immediately cut him off. I knew that he would immediately start feeling sorry for me and himself. And I especially hate that, when someone feels sorry for me. He would try to solve an insoluble problem. I don't even know why I came at all. I already regret being here now, in his office. I'm talking to him because I feel guilty that he tried to help me. I feel somewhat indebted, so this is how I repay him that debt.
- Do you want tea?; he offered me. He just drinks some green tea, which looks like crushed grass. I despise teas. He knows it too, but offers me tea again. How it annoys me.
- No thanks, just a glass of water.; I answered. Its water is always warm, probably because it stands exposed to the sun for a long time. But again, warm water is better than that strange tea.
- I read your paper, the final paper, your topic was the Greek gods...; he started. It's better that I didn't even come.;...The god you got is the god Ares. Do you want me to read your work?; he asked.
- Please don't.; I answered quickly. But it wasn't worth it. He started reading it;- Ares the god of war...(blah,blah,bal...very bad work, I don't even want to torture you to listen to it.)...I'm sorry for such a bad work, and I'm just I wanted to tell you that I don't blame you for failing me. H.J.; he finally stopped reading. What a beating. I know what nonsense I wrote, we don't need to mention it now. That's the only thing I hate about him. He always learns some stupid lesson from everything. I really couldn't listen to his life lessons anymore.
- I'm sorry, but I really have to go now. I have to pack my things. I just came to say goodbye.; I was lying. What else could I do? I really didn't feel like listening to him anymore.
- Maybe you don't see it now, but you are a very special girl. Different from everyone you know.; he said to me as I was leaving.
-I'll keep that in mind.; I said and quickly left. I didn't even hear it all the way through, but it doesn't matter. I said goodbye to him, I turned out to be a good person. Now I can sleep peacefully tonight.

At least that's what I thought...