When Love Fades

Chapter 36 - memories II

Sasuke drove back to his apartment, the moon was full overhead, a fall wind starting to blow. His eyes were trained on the road as he worked his way through the evening traffic, but he wasn't really concentrating on it. He kept his mind carefully blank, not thinking about what had just happened. He didn't need to think about it. It was no big deal. His body felt loose and satiated, the typical after-effects of sex. It had been a long time, he thought vaguely, careful not to connect any specific memory with that statement.

He didn't want to think about the last time he had sex. And everything that he thought it was that it hadn't been.

Sasuke parked his car and went inside. The apartment was just as he left it. Nothing out of place. The kitchen hadn't seen much use of late, so its emptiness was no surprise. Somehow, the orderliness felt more sterile than satisfying that night as he removed his shoes and hung his jacket up by the door.

His phone buzzed and Sasuke picked it up, seeing a text from Neji.

I had a great time. Dinner at my place on Wednesday?

Sasuke felt the automatic masculine pride at being able to please his lover, evidenced by the fact that Neji had barely waited until he was home to text him. Neither man felt the need to be coy or play games and it settled some of Sasuke's edginess. There was nothing complicated here.

Sure. I'll bring the food this time.

Sasuke knew Neji enough to know that there would be no further reply... Neji was never one to waste words. He went to his bedroom, checking his clothes to make sure he didn't need to do laundry before the next day. He had moved his suits to the empty half of the closet that used to have Naruto's clothes, but there was still more hanger space than what he was using. Everything was hung precisely in its place, no clothing on the floor or in the corners, no sloppily folded T-shirts preventing the drawers from closing.

Sasuke walked past the small linen closet in the hallway that led to his bedroom. He refused to think about the orange towel that was sitting inside, cleaned and neatly folded.

His mind went back to the events that had transpired at Neji's that evening. Neji's bedroom had been equally orderly. Both men were reserved and organized. Structured in their approach to life. While Sasuke had never really put much time into thinking about dating before he met Naruto, if he had thought about it, he probably would have imagined himself eventually with someone like Neji. They had the same career interests and the same priorities around putting work first. In the weeks that they'd been dating, Neji had never once complained when Sasuke was late or had to cancel. Just as Sasuke had never complained when Neji was held up.

Sasuke undressed and got ready for bed, having already showered at Neji's. He felt like he was rationalizing his relationship with Neji to himself, and it annoyed him. He had nothing to explain. Neji had made it clear that there were no expectations between them.

Honestly, Sasuke wouldn't have had sex with him if that hadn't been true. He was tired of trying and failing to meet other people's expectations. Fuck all of them. Neji was direct about what he wanted, and had put boundaries on things from the very beginning. This arrangement suited both of them.

Sasuke folded down the blanket on the bed, slipping between the sheets and adjusting his pillow beneath his head. He stared up at the ceiling, feeling restless and annoyed by that fact. There was absolutely no reason for it. He should be feeling relaxed. Happy. Tonight had shown that - physically - he and Neji were well-matched in addition to everything else they had in common. Neji was an extremely attractive man and a skilled lover. Things with Neji made sense. He didn't understand why there hadn't been the same rush that there had been with Naruto, but it was probably a good thing. He didn't want another train-wreck of a relationship like what had happened with Naruto. He wasn't going to get blindsided again. Control was better.