The Arrangement

Part 8

The past couple of months have been hell. After my night with Steve and Bucky I went back to my usual life. I split my time between work and home, each day pretending that I wasn't looking over my shoulder in hopes that I'd see one of them again. I kept myself under control and tried as hard as I could to integrate back with my friends. I tried to pretend like nothing was bothering me, but at night when I was alone Bucky and Steve clouded my mind. Everything was the same from before I met them, but I stayed distracted. What happened that night was between the three of us, nobody else really knew what happened and in a way, I wasn't giving up hope. in reality, I was acting like I was saving myself for them. My subconscious mind decided that I belonged to Bucky and Steve. I thought about going back to The Cloud in hopes they'd be there, but I decided against it. I didn't want to come across as some crazy stalker chick. It's the same reason I stayed away from the complex. If I knew I could find my way back. I don't know why I can't keep them out of my mind; Bucky was explicitly clear that he didn't want to see me again. It was a great night, one that I'd never forget. I just hoped they wouldn't either. I tried to dive deeper into work, failing miserably every day. I wasn't sad about it; I was ecstatic that I'd gotten the experience but I was lonely. I missed them and after a month, my friends started to notice.

I wasn't answering London's calls and, even though I saw them every day at work, I didn't say much to any of my friends, especially if it wasn't work related. Cadence said I look full of life but that I didn't act like it. Jenifer offered too many times to count to set me up with hunks from Greg's gym, but I turned each one down. I'd been avoiding Devon too; I'd silently wave back to him when he'd say anything when I came home or left for the day. When I said something about adopting a cat, my friends started to worry more. Now, Ophelia makes it a point to check on me every day. She's understandably worried that I'm going to spiral down again. I can't convince her otherwise, not that I fully believe I won't anyway. She's treading carefully, asking questions without jumping over boundaries. I'm aware that they're waiting for me to be ready to talk but the truth is, I don't want to talk about it.

The day was dragging on again. Work had been a practical breeze since I went home with the guys. I slammed through anything that came across my desk until I ran out of things to do, even the stories and manuscripts that were backlogged until the next quarter.

"Well, I'd tell you to get back to work but it looks like you've done it all for the next year." Jenifer joked, leaning against my desk. "Why don't you go home for the day? Maybe take the next week off, get your head straight?"

"What do you mean?"

"Honey, we see you. You're running yourself ragged trying to distract yourself but all you're doing is running toward a brick wall. It's almost the end of the day anyway, just go home, take next week off and come back as the Amelia that we all know." She offered a small smile, "We're worried about you. I know you're not going back to how you were but why chance it?"

Cadence suddenly appeared next to her, "She's right you know. You're living in limbo, waiting on something that may never happen."

"I'm fine, y'all. I haven't really thought about it since then."

"Oh, really? Then why's your lock screen a picture of a particular bite mark left on you that night?" Cadence pushed, a teasing lilt in her voice.

I didn't realize anyone else had noticed. I checked my phone, sure enough; the picture I took of Bucky's bite mark, the time, 4:38, and under it were notifications for five missed calls. Three of the numbers I recognized, Maddy, London and Devon. I'll call them back later; two of the other three calls were a mystery. Probably some scammer who was going to ask not so nicely for my social security number. The last number left a voicemail, I rolled my eyes, great mom got a new phone again. "It's not that big of a deal."