Perfect Dark | Danmachi

Chapter 9

Even though I begged, Freya didn't grant me my wish.

I don't want to die, but I'm running out of better options. The longer I live this way though, it's almost as if I'm dead. I'm starting to grow more tarnished by the day, and it shows. My thoughts have been corrupted; the light is getting further away.

About a week has passed since I was in the field of red spider lilies, crying my heart out to the moon. At the time I felt everything in my chemical makeup had turned dark. My once bright translucent soul has faded to a ghastly pitch black, and it's all thanks to her.

I owe her one.

I've found a temporary solution to my heartache, and it's a mask of madness.

The battle baptisms have become easier to endure, because I've let go. Every morning with Ottar I work on my footwork, but in terms of power output he says that I've come to a standstill. I'm learning the basics of how to fight a human enemy instead of a monster, and for now that's enough for me. He knows why I can't grow in terms of power, and Freya's cage is to blame.

I'm no longer fighting with hesitancy. There is nothing to safeguard, my willpower to live doesn't exist anymore. I'm going through the motions, blindly feeling around in the dark.

Desperately I want to feel something, and the only time I do is on the brink of death. So, my favorite time of day, has become the baptism. I'm stronger than I've ever been, I wish you could see me now Hestia.

I've put two and two together that Freya can't update my status. While I'm sure there is a way she could work around it if I asked, I know I still bear Hestia's flame. Even if it's long gone out, someday, it could reignite.

I find myself being indifferent about everything. Whereas before I was so excited for anything and everything, I'm just saying yes to move on. I don't want to be troubled over the option; I know I don't have one. So I save the petty time and just agree.

The baptism for today is over and I've decided to visit the tavern again. I'm not visiting for the taste of home or hope this time, it's simply because I'm dying of boredom. Everything has become so mundane, even my eyes are bored of looking upon the most beautiful goddess in history, and that has to say something.

After changing out of my bloody clothes and into something I didn't feel like Freya's little puppet in, I slowly and nonchalantly strolled through the castle and out the front gates. I'm no longer eager to leave or to return, there is no haste left in me.

As I'm walking down the cobblestone path, a switch flipped for me. Whenever people used to notice me and call out to Freya familia's Bell Cranel, I would cower away, and feel shame. I didn't want the title or the name. Something's changed, maybe something is off, but I decided to have fun with it.

"There he is! The hero!" Someone says, and I felt something snap. My patience was growing thin, I was tired of the attention. On a dark road close to the pub, I grabbed the innocent bystander by the collar and breathed down on them in disgust. "I'm no hero." I spat before releasing their shirt and giving them a shove.

It was so unlike me, but it felt good. Instead of letting everything slowly eat away at me inside, this was the first time I showed someone how I really felt.

The taverns cozy dim yellow lights came into view, casting a golden light on the greenery that lined the large pillars by the entryway. Stopping for a moment, a brief wave of guilt washed over me. I shouldn't have taken my frustrations out on a random person; they didn't deserve that. But I didn't deserve this either.

Shaking my head, I pushed open the door to the tavern and took a seat at the end of the bar by the bookcase. Mia took notice of me and quickly sat an ale in front of me. Do I look that bad? That I need an ale the second I arrive? That's right, I must look soulless at first sight.

I've tried to avoid looking in the mirror lately. This morning however, I did stare back at myself. My eyes are a dark abyss of black, missing all the red fire they used to encase. Like a void, if you look in to my eyes it's almost like looking down a bottomless well.

After setting valis out for Mia I scanned the room as if it mattered if I saw anyone familiar. I cut myself off and laid my head on my hand as I waited for Mia to bring my dinner. What would I do if I saw them?

Nothing, I wouldn't do a damn thing. I've torn off that scab more times than I can count, and the outcome only hurts me.

After finishing the delicious meal Mia prepared me, I was bored of sitting still and decided to leave. Without a word I slipped out of the tavern and began to aimlessly walk around the city.

What used to bring me excitement and wonder, was dull and grey. My feet were carrying me to where my heart wanted to go, but my brain was trying to say no. This wouldn't do any good.

I was standing in front of the Hearth Mansion before I realized it. I had to get out of there before I did anything I would regret.

I was too late.

Before I knew it, while I had turned around and started to walk away, I heard a voice.

"Oi!" Welf was jogging to catch up with my pace. Do I turn around? Or do I ignore him?

I should have ignored him.

"What? What do you want?" I snapped as I turned around. My eyes were full of rage and grief, like I was talking to my worst enemy.

"Woah man, I know you are some hotshot adventurer but there is no need to be rude. You dropped this." He held out his hand with my bag of valis in it.

I didn't care that I had dropped it, and I was even more pissed that again I was repeating the nightmare of my best friend, someone I looked up to as an older brother, not remembering me.

"Keep it," I scoffed before continuing, "a poor familia like yours needs it more than I do." With a smirk, I knew I was pushing his buttons. What the hell is wrong with me? I would never say something so cruel. I'm tired, I'm exhausted of this played out game.

His eyebrows knitted together before he shoved the bag at my chest. "I don't want your corrupted money." I could see the rage in his eyes, and as much as I hate the situation I was in, any interaction with my family was better than none at all. When I didn't take the pouch, he grabbed my hand and forced it in my palm. "Get out of here, Freya scum."

With a manic laugh I shoved Welf as hard as I could, knocking him to the ground yards away. I threw the coin pouch at the ground beneath his feet and watched as the coins exploded and danced in the air, then spread across the ground.

My boiling blood began to simmer as I instantly regretted everything I had just done, but for a moment there, a very brief moment, I felt my fire surge. Instead of feeling nothing, I felt everything. Pain, grief, guilt, regret, and the tiniest bit of happiness from seeing his face.

I turned and began to run, tears streaming down my face. I couldn't tell the difference between joy and despair; I'm being fueled by hatred. Howling at the moon, I didn't care if I was loved or feared. I've been killed and left for dead, now it's time for my revenge.