Late Night Thoughts

Strawberry Jam and Chinese Food

THE DAY OF THE BREAKUP

"Jack, I'm single," I say to no one in particular, trying to let it sink in. 

Out of disbelief, Jack raises a brow. "What?"

"He broke up with me over social media. Over Ask.fm. There are motherfucking people out there who were following his Ask that knew before me. What is he fucking thinking?" I declare, hands shaking from a combination of pain and anger.

"That's a bitch move. What happened?" That sentence there set me in a frenzy. Normally, I have a filter. Tonight, though, the adrenaline powered by pure outrage sent me out on a fury.

"So he gets this question. Are u single?  Then, he chooses to answer; well like yeah, idk. idk is a good answer. Shortly after he gets another one. Do you like someone else? As in someone who's not your fucking girlfriend. His answer? I still need to respect Max's feelings, I'm going to wait awhile before starting to like someone else, with a smiley face of course. Because while you're in the process of breaking someone's heart, a smiley face makes everything better. Last question; What happened. The fucker doesn't even add punctuation. Nolan's answer was this; Some stuff just doesn't work, like strawberry jam and Chinese food." At this point, I'm raising my voice and wailing my arms around the air. "He makes a fucking joke out of why he broke up with me."

Simply, Jack looks at me, examining me, not entirely knowing what to say, so choosing to not say anything at all. After a few seconds in the exchange, my bottom lip quivers. I fell asleep in Jack's arms that night, whimpers and sobs erupting from my heaving chest every few minutes. 

(See: Bring Him Back)

I hate myself for letting him off the hook like that. I never even gave him the opportunity to say sorry, to tell me I deserve better, to tell me something. I hate myself for letting him break my heart and then telling him it's okay when it's really not. The thought of him with someone else makes me fucking sick.

He was gone. So fast. Like the wind passes through my hair, he passed through, leaving me bare. He promised if he were to ever break up with me, it would be face to face, and that he would hold me close one last time. That promise was broken and so was the one that he would love me forever. Was he even in love with me to start with?