Late Night Thoughts

Afraid To Feel

08/21/14

"You know when you said I was afraid to love? Yeah well I'm still partially in denial but I've somewhat come to realize it."

"I thought my advice was shit, but who do you like?"

"I don't like anyone. I'm fucking heartless, what don't you understand?"

"You care about someone. You love them, too. A real person, not a famous one. I don't know who, but deep, deep, deep down, you know it's true."

If there's anyone I felt anything near love for, it was him. But I wasn't about to tell him that, I mean, what's the point? Everything is temporary. With both of us going to high school in the fall, I doubt we would last more than a month, two maximum. There was no point in putting ourselves out there only to be rewarded with a lifetime of hurt. So, my response was: "I honestly have no feeling of love towards anyone."

"You will."

"And he'll break my heart and I'll never love again."

07/26/15

I'm sitting here turning my lungs to raisins because that same boy who told me that I would eventually be stricken with Cupid's arrow tore my heart straight out of my chest and once he got bored of it, relentlessly shoved it back down my throat. Meanwhile, his hands are tangled in some other girl's hair that just so happens to be a hundred times silkier than mine ever will be and his thick, ample lips pressed against her strawberry chapstick covered ones. Oh god, just the thought makes the wasps in my stomach churn in anger. I'm losing my mind trying to get over him. His mind is just so addictive and our relationship was so full of potential. We could've gone all the way. But he broke my heart and now I'll never love again. He broke me but he doesn't really seem to care. I can feel his touch from the microfibres of my rainbow couch I constantly complained about when he came over for the first time. I can smell his cologne embedded through the threads of sweaters I bought whilst with you. Oh god, I haven't seen you in twenty-six days and I think I'm going crazy.