Late Night Thoughts

Kisses

July 14th, 2015 - TWO MONTHS AND A FEW DAYS POST BREAKUP

There is nothing scarier than letting someone in after being completely torn apart by the person before them - the person who promised you they'd "never even think of leaving." They told you your mind was addictive. They made plans with you that were months away, and moaned your name when you kissed them as they ran their hands over your body. They memorized everything you wanted and loved and strived for as well as the things that you could barely stand. They knew about your old nicknames and childhood stories and how you got that scar above your left eye. Then you woke up one day, they told you goodbye and left your life as fast as a thunderstorm in July ruins a sunny day. And the thought of even having to feel the way that felt for a second more again sends chills down your spine, and into your bones and stays there like the 4:00 a.m. fog.

Now, it's midnight and I should be sleeping but all I can think about is how every atom of my soul felt that afternoon when Jack pressed his lips against mine. It was as if galaxies grew inside my chest and every broken piece in my soul was put together. And we kissed till our lips burned and till there was no breath left and we kissed till laughter oozed out of his heart and I remember, I smiled.

While it was enjoyable I cannot allow myself to go through that again. I kiss him of lust and him, of love. I'm sorry but it must remain that way.