Someone to stay || minsung

10

Chapter 10: Go back.

"Find what you love and let it kill you."
Charles Bukowski-

Jisung left, and Minho spent the following month stuck next to the phone. He had been promised daily calls that never came.

Then, he thought that maybe Jisung, being the forgetful person he had always been, had forgotten about the orphanage's phone number. He waited for a letter next to the mailbox every morning, because he surely wouldn't have forgotten about the direction.

It took him another month to realize Jisung wasn't going to contact him.

Minho couldn't eat nor sleep for some time.

He went back to being the quiet self he was before Jisung came along, when he only talked to Aera Noona. Only this time he didn't even talk to her.

He ticked off the one year mark on his calendar, one year without hearing from Jisung, when an eleven year old was brought in to the orphanage. It perked his curiosity, because kids that ager weren't given for adoption.

Blonde, freckled and quiet. Sad. He took a liking to being around Minho because Minho was in silence. His name was Felix and, contrary to others, he had a surname. Lee.

They bonded. Minho learned about his story and it was truly devastating.

He saw a glimpse of himself in the boy, abandoned and alone, and couldn't stand the devastating state he was in. He couldn't stand recognizing his own state in part of what Felix did. This boy seemed to have been full of a light that had been forcefully taken away from him.

Minho then felt sympathy, one that made him try to make Felix beam like he was sure he used to do before the accident that killed his parents.

Everyone knows that the darker the shadow is, the brighter the light shines.

He planned to use that technique again, acting behind the scenes to bring Felix back up, but the blonde didn't let him. He instead used his light to find Minho's own. He didn't let Minho be a shadow anymore.

Felix went to school and got Minho to do so too.

Felix made friends and introduced them to Minho, saying how they were a pack.

Felix got Minho into dancing.

Felix taught Minho english.

Minho looked over Felix protectively at all times. They built a little family of their own, a broken one that worked better than some real ones.

Minho was who gave Felix his Korean name.

The older one was scared that Felix would go away just like Jisung did, but that never happened, so when Minho turned eighteen and the orphanage couldn't keep him around anymore, he found two part time jobs thanks to Aera Noona, did a course to take care of children so he could work at the orphanage too and made being able to adopt Felix his top priority.

It took him half a year, but he finally could afford the adoption fees. With that and the house Felix had inherited from his parents, they were able to start a new life together. Not like a normal family, but like a family nonetheless.

They took Felix's surname, as Minho didn't have one of his own.

●●●●●

He doesn't seem to notice me. I stay standing in place, looking at him like a creep for more time than what's socially acceptable.

Again, I don't think staring at someone in the middle of the night is socially acceptable at all.

I sigh, heavy. What am I even doing?

Turning my body to go back I hear the crack of a broken stick underneath my foot, the singsong sound of my bad luck mocking me because I really thought I could leave unnoticed.

The metallic sound of the swing as Jisung turns around to look at me is yet another mocking sound for me.

We lock eyes, and his look so broken I just want to run and hug him, cuddle him to sleep like we used to and pretend the seven years of pain that stand between us aren't there at all.

But they are, and they are too big of a wall to break through or jump above. The remnants of his touch around me from this morning remind me how disgusted I felt with a warmth that has turned into burning with the passing of years.

"What are you doing here?" he asks me. I look away without answering. I can hear him sigh, exasperated and probably exhausted too. "It's okay, I deserve it."

My eyes find his figure once again. There's a sad smile dancing on his lips.

"Just one call, one letter, could've been enough." I say. There's resentment inside my heart, some kind of weak hatred that won't let me forgive him or put it behind me. "I wasted too much time waiting, a heads-up would've been nice."

After a moment of silence, I sigh and turn around to start walking back home. Tonight has been a rollercoaster I didn't need nor ask for.

I hear rustling behind me but don't slow down. There's nothing else I want to say to him. I don't want to see him ever again.

"I moved here two days ago. My house is down the road."

I stop walking but I still don't face him. "Jisung, I don't care."

"Can we go back to how we were?"

Tears well in the crease of my eyes. Is he being fucking for real? Is he really looking past the aching in my chest whenever I remember how he abandoned me?

"Is this some sick joke, Jisung?" I ask. Saying his name hurts still, but it's what grounds me and that burning on my lips reminds me that I shouldn't let my guard down just because he was someone I used to hold dear. "Are you making fun of me?"

"No, I'm serious."

My hands bawl into fists and my nails dig into my skin to keep me from punching his nose.

"No. We can't go back to how we fucking were. Leave me alone."

With that, I start walking away again. I'm grateful that my house isn't too far away because I don't know what I would do if I had enough time to think about what just happened and consider turning around to go back to him again.