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I leave early.
I'll make up an excuse about being sick tomorrow, I don't really care.
When I get home the only thing I do is lay down in my bed and cry for various different reasons. The most prominent one right now is shame.
The whispers. Oh, god, the whispers. I can still hear them.
'Is that Lee Minho? Is he crying?'
They laughed at me. Fucking nosy people.
I can't seem to stop crying, I hate this. I crawl inside the covers like a worm, a depressed one that's tired of life. My eyes get stuck on the little framed picture of the nightstand, one Felix and I took when we left the orphanage. On better, different days, it brings a smile to my face.
Someone knocks on my door. I don't know who they are, but I don't care. I want them to leave me alone.
"Go away." I do my best to make it seem like I'm not crying, but it's usless. I just want to get in a hole and die.
The person knocks again. They're persistent. Persistently annoying. I don't answer this time, just grab the pillow and throw it over my head in an attempt to 1) suffocate myself, 2) drown out the noise. Whatever happens first.
I stop to think that I should be alone, but if Felix followed me home I wouldn't be mad at him. Maybe a little. He shouldn't miss his classes for something as usless as me.
The door to my room opens. "Leave me alone." I try again, uselessly, my voice coming out shakier than expected. The bed dips somewhere besides me and I know the person has sat down.
"I'm sorry. I wasn't trying to make you cry."
I freeze, my body now stiff under the covers. Jisung. What the hell is he doing here?
I don't answer. I won't answer. I'll pretend to be asleep, unresponsive or dead, whatever it takes for him to take a hint and leave me alone once and for all.
He clears his throat. "I've talked to Felix about coming here and he advised me not to, but you know I'm stubborn and, when it comes to you, stupid too. I just wanted you to know one thing."
Silence fills the room whenever he stops talking, I'm completely quiet and plan to stay that way until he leaves.
"I just- I want you to know that I never hated you. I never will be able to hate you. When I left, I had this feeling that you thought I hated you or was always hanging out with you out of pity, but that isn't true." he stays silent after that.
I think he wants me to say something, maybe thank him for the clarification. I did think he hated me at the time, but I got over it just as I got over his leaving. He's 5 years late with his lifesaving apologies.
