"Something in me wants more. I can't rest." Sylvia Plath—
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I ended up running away. When I started feeling the grey cloud of smoke cover my vision, I forced my legs to move with everything I had.
My town is just 45 minutes away from the beach, so I went there on an impulse.
Felix and Jisung have been calling me for a while and, now, Hyunjin and Seungmin have started doing so, too. I think I'll just silence my phone because the vibrations it gives everytime someone calls isn't helping with my accelerated heart rate.
I want to focus on the sound of the crashing waves against the shore, the pleasant feeling of the cold breeze messing my hair and numbing the tips of my ears and nose. It's still April, so the weather is cold from time to time. Today is just the day after a storm, so it's only natural that the wind is freezing and the atmosphere feels humid.
I like it and the way it distracts me. Sitting on the sand and staring at the ocean feels nice when my mind is empty.
I try to keep the thoughts that bother me away, but the shame is too strong at times. It's embarrassing whenever I go back to the memories of my breakdown, the way I cried in front of Jisung and how I almost had a big panic attack in front of Haneul.
It was pathetic, all of it.
I burry my face on my knees and breathe heavily. My eyes sting so I close them to alleviate the pain, though it doesn't help much.
I'm trying so hard to keep my emotions at bay, to seem okay once more, but it is just too hard now. The best thing to keep me distracted is setting my eyes on the moving waves of the sea that extends in front of me with all it's grace, shining where the sun reflects it's light. There are just a few clouds, so the warm rays reach everywhere, heating up slightly every part of my skin they touch.
It's a truly breathtaking scene once you take the time to admire the harmony of it all, the peace it emanates and the calmness it bestows.
I took my shoes and socks off, they're besides me. The sand is cold against my skin and it has made my toes feel numb already. I consider standing up and burry my feet in the salty water, even though it must be freezing.
A hand on my shoulder makes me slightly jump and my heart starts picking up a fast pace again.
"Hey, Min." Chan sits next to me and smiles.
His hand is still touching a part of my body, so I instinctively shy away from the contact. I feel filthy and don't want to stain my friend with it.
Chan doesn't seem to find my actions weird, instead, he directs his gaze to the sea. "Felix gave me a call a while ago. He asked if I had seen you, sounded really worried." he sais, bringing his eyes back to me.
