Play With Fire

Chapter 20

*Mentions of previous self harm, scars, and body image issues*

Alex's POV

Noah walked us to my bedroom and gently laid me on the bed. He continued kissing me as he hovered over me and let his hands roam over my body.

He let his hand wander under my tank top, reaching for my breast. As soon as he remembered I still had a bra on, he slid his hand around the strap to where the hooks were.

"Is it okay if I take your bra off?" He said, pulling away from my lips just long enough to ask the question. I nodded my head in response.

"Words, princess," he growled and lowered his lips to my neck, kissing and then moving onto my shoulder, giving it a light bite as I was responding.

"Fuck!" I yelped at the sensation of his teeth, "Yes, take it off."

I felt him grin against my skin while his fingers skillfully unhooked the clasps and went to slide it off before figuring out that my tank top prevented him from doing so.

His hands then began pulling at the bottom of my tank top.

"Can I take this off?" He asked, moving his lips to my chest, leaving little marks along the way.

Without thinking, I replied with a breathless yes. But as soon as he began pulling up the fabric, realization dawned on me.

"Wait!" I said, slightly panicking grabbing the bottom of the tank top and pulling it down.

Noah instantly pulled himself off of me and sat up.

"Alex, I'm so sorry. I... I'm sorry. If I did...." Noah stuttered.

"No, no! Noah, it's not your fault. I forgot to warn you," I said barely above a whisper, feeling incredibly embarrassed and self-conscious.

Noah then turned to look at me again, a look of confusion and concern in his eyes.

"I... I have scars. They are not very pretty. And I also have.... stretch marks. I want to warn you, so if you find that kind of thing disgusting, you don't have to be disappointed  or anything," I said turning my head away from Noah so he didn't see the tears pricking my eyes.

There was silence for a solid minute before I felt the bed shift. I was sure that Noah was leaving. That he found the sight of a girl with stretch marks and scars like the ones I had appalling just like my ex did. Instead, he had shifted his body position, so he was lying on his side next to me and gently grabbed my face to make me look at him.

"Alex, look at me," he said. I obliged, tears still threatening to spill out. "Tell me why you think I would find stretch marks and scars disgusting?"

With his question, the tears came flooding out as I blubbered out my response.

"Because my ex hated my stretch marks and all the fat that was on my body. And it disgusted him. He hated all my scars, too, because they made my body look like it wasn't perfect. He told me that I had no reason to have those scars because my life wasn't that bad. Even though he made me miserable and caused me so much pain. He hated when he'd find new ones on me and told me I was weak for having them. That I was just looking for attention."

I watched as realization dawned on Noah's face at what my scars truly were. Then I watch as anger overtook his features.

"Please don't be mad at me, Noah," I whispered, closing my eyes so I didn't have to see his face anymore.

"Alex, I am not mad at you. Not at all. I'm mad at the fact that your douche ex body shamed you and hurt you to the point that you feel your body isn't beautiful even with those scars and stretch marks. And what I'm most pissed about is he made you feel so low that you felt the need to harm yourself, and then he made you feel bad about finding new cuts instead of helping you. That is what pisses me off. Because God Alex, you are gorgeous. Absolutely beautiful. No scars or stretch marks are going to change my opinion of you. Ever."

I continued to lay on the bed and brought my hands to my face to cover the tears steaming out. I felt Noah gently grab my wrists and pull them away from my face.

"Come here," he said, pulling me up and moving me to straddle his lap. His fingers brushed my cheeks and wiped away the tears that had fallen.

"You are so fucking beautiful, Alex. That guy was an absolute idiot for treating you the way that he did. But he's not here anymore. It's only me, baby girl. And God, I will worship the ground that you walk on for the rest of my life. I will show you and prove to you every day just how fucking beautiful you are. I will worship the entirety of your body, scars, stretch marks, and all. You are a badass, beautiful woman. And I will prove it to you even if I have to fuck you in front of a mirror to show you just how beautiful you are."

I chuckled at his last words. I wouldn't say that I had changed my thinking any on how my body looked in my own eyes, but something about Noah told me that he was different. That he would do exactly what he said and would help me change my way of thinking.

I still sat on his lap, with my arms around his neck staring into his beautiful chocolate eyes. I then grabbed the hair at the base of his neck and pulled his lips to mine.

It wasn't a hot, frenzied kiss like we had just had several minutes ago. This kiss was softer, and the way his lips felt on mine made the fire erupt low again. It felt like he was trying to convey all the words he had just told me with this kiss.

After what felt like forever, Noah finally pulled away from me.

"God, I want you so bad," he said breathlessly, looking down at his lap, "but if you're not ready, then I will wait. I can wait years if I gotta. As long as I still have you, I can wait.

I put my hands on either side of his face and pulled it up so he was looking at me. Brushing his hair back, I smiled at him.

"I trust you, Noah."