She has returned, changed..
She was an innocent 15-year-old girl who had been through too much to list. Silently, she fights her own battles and tries to pull through. Eventually, she finds peace and comfort in her 5 brothers who help her heal over...
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AZALEA'S POV:
I DON'T think I'll ever really be able to escape from the nightmares. They haunt me, steal my breath in the darkest of the nights, scratch my insides for me. I can do whatever, pretend nothings wrong, sob, cry, loose it, but whatever I do, I can never escape it. Escape them, escape the trauma.
The first few months I'd returned, it didn't feel like I was out. Not at all. I remember it all so vividly, seeing the chambers I'd been imprisoned in, right in front of me. No one knew what to do. I was lost in my own mind, my own experiences, what my eyes had seen and what I had felt. I remember thinking I'd never get out of it. Nothing would ever pull me out. That I'd be stuck there forever, the memories repeating in real time.
People were there for me. People told me that I could talk to them, I didn't need to suffer alone. But still yet, I always felt like I had myself and only myself. Once again, I had something similar big eating me from the insides. A burden so heavy I couldn't tell anyone. Swore to myself I wouldn't be so selfish to allow anyone else hear of the things I'd endured because purely thinking of what happened makes my eyes water up. Sometimes, I want to rip and scratch my skin off till I bleed because of how dirty I feel. I barely cry.
Never ever, not once would I blame my kidnapping on someone else and mean it. Maybe out of anger— still yet, I'd never say it out loud — but I would never use my mouth to tell someone else it was their fault. What happened to me was my fault and there's no denying that. I ran away, I made friends with Vincent, I didn't think properly, I was irrational, I was dumb. It was mostly my fault.
So, really, there is a part of me, even if very small, still a part, that forgives the Lauriers. My brothers. It wasn't their fault. I should've kept to my promise and kept my mouth shut. They wanted me gone and to be honest, I don't exactly blame them. I was a lot of baggage, so much trauma, came in quite an unstable state and cause them trouble. Really, it was stupid of me to not be wary.
'We love and care for you,' really? Now that I'm thinking about it properly, I was so fucking blind to not see that they were lying. Why were they lying about it? I have no idea. Probably didn't want to lie to a damaged little girl. Makes sense. I just hate that I let myself get played over and over again so blindly. I shouldn't hate them. Event though it's hard to not hate them, I shouldn't. I really, really shouldn't, I shouldn't even blame them. But, for the sake of myself and my mental health, I'll stay away. I'll avoid them. For now, I'd like to keep my heart.
With a groan, I let my head fall into my palms, propping myself up with my elbows.
Music lightly beats from the laptop in front of me, silently reminding me that I have tons to work on, approve and just do overall, and so I most certainly do not have time to think over my mental health and life choices right now. Maybe when I'm not so busy.. which is rarely, I can think of things like that.
