Sanity to my Insanity

Chapter-18

Hey guys! I am doing a double update to make up for the weeks I missed to post.

Happy cozy reading!!
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💙💙💙💙

Dylan

I opened the door with the thoughts exploding in my head brutally and came to a sight of Nate and Journey kissing passionately.

At the sound of the door creaking open, they both pulled away and looked at the intruder, aka me.

I gave them a guilty smile which they returned with an embarrassed one marring their face.

“You are so cute together!” I squealed at them making a heart sign and rushed away from the living room chuckling at their flushed faces to give them privacy. Happy for the escape without questions.

I as well just get washed up and clean from all the sweat and lingering scent of him before tucking myself in bed.

I could only hope they take long to say goodbyes and I could just fall into a nice dream without interruption.

I get scared of that woman at times of how easily she get a read on me. She knows when I am struggling with my feelings and when I just want to cry.

I can’t be more grateful to god for bringing her in my life although she could be a mean pain in ass sometimes when she tries to push me hard to open up.

Nevertheless, I love her. And I am happy for both of them. They both really love each other and looks so cute when they are all lovey-dovey gushy-mushy.

Happiness suits her blushing face.

Once they had a fight and I wanted to slap some sense into Nate when they nearly broke up but they sorted it out and now they are doing good. She seems happier now than ever.

Like a mother Hen she would still keep fusing over me from time and time again even when she has her own shit to deal with.

I took some time to wash away his scent that engulfed me to the point of suffocating my lil heart of wishful desire.

A desire burn in my core as his near naked image that is painted behind my retina and registered to my memory chip in the frontal brain as soon as I close my eyes.

Fuck.

He looked cute. And hot. And sexy. So desirable. So erotic. And fucking ravishing.

I felt my hand slipping to my clit rubbing it softly as warm water sprayed over my skin.

I was jolted scared when a knock sounded on the door and Journey’s muffled voice seeped through my hazy state calling me for dinner.

I yelled out a coming at her and sagged against the wall with the weight of what I nearly did.

Did I really fantasized about my bestfriend that I love while I touched myself.

No. I... I can’t do this.

I can’t let my mind tangle more in these webs of feelings. I can’t let it sink deeper.

I slapped my cheeks to wake me up from this idiotic daze I've been. It’s time to get a grip on myself.

I won’t have feelings for him anymore. We’ll be just like other friends. Hangout together without these gushy mushy flustering hot bothering feelings.

No imagining him naked under the towel.

No fantasizing.

And no masturbating.

Yeah right. As if.

God. Why is this is so complicated and annoying.

Why do he seeps in my thoughts in my private time.

And why should I not have my private time because of him. I bet he must be watching porn and relieving his buddy everyday before sleeping, imagining god knows whose boobs and pussy and ass.

I’ll imagine my book boyfriends while rubbing myself. Their long silky lengths. Sexy butt. Hot abs and handsome face kissing me.

Fuck yourself Arden Sanders Rhett.

I heard another call from hungry Journey and this time I didn’t dare delay or I knew she would break down the door and get my ass on the chair for dinner.

I turned off the water and wrapped myself in a towel before rinsing the excess water from my hair.

After doing my routine after-bath care, I dragged my feet to the dinner table. It’s not like I am an ungrateful brat and doesn’t appreciate the food on my table.

It’s just lately I haven’t been feeling much appetite.

Although one glare from Journey makes me gobble my food without complaint.

After dinner I volunteered for cleaning dishes and the countertop.

Journey sat on the counter dangling her feet as she watched me do the dishes. She could sense a change in my energy and me doing all the cleaning is always a sign that some gears are turning in my head rapidly which I am trying to avoid.

“So…” Journey started.

“So?” I played along.

“What’s troubling you?” She said softly.

There was a silence coating us as I deciphered how to put my thoughts out in the best way.

I never tried hiding it from her ‘cause I know the attempts to hide something from her always goes to vain.

“My brain, heart and body are at odds with each other and I am trying to battle so hard with the aftermaths of their choices. It’s like each part have a mind of their own and want something while the other part is fighting it. I am so torn between them.”

I said slacking against the counter as I was drying the dishes. I turned back to drying the dishes as I exhaled a forced breath to release the tension in the air.

Journey rounded the aisle and hugged me from behind in a I-am-there-for-you gesture.

I squeezed her hand and let her drag me away from drying the already dried dishes to the sofa to talk.

I laid my head on her lap as she massaged my scalp while I cried about my messed up sappy frustrating day.

She let me blurt out my insufferable pang in chest to ease the thorns pricking my heart as she heard me silently.

She maybe won’t know what I feel to some level but she could understand what loving someone does to a person.

It’s changing me. It’s making my angel me vulnerable to the devil in me.

I almost fell asleep in the long silence that stretched after.

Silence is serene when you are heard,
Unless it wreck havoc inside when vulnerable,
A calmness settle in the deep waters,
Until a stone stir awake buried emotions.


We reminisced how we all met and how far we all came from there.

After talking for hours about these friendships and love and relationships, we decided to sleep since we have loads of work waiting to be done tomorrow.

It was Sunday and as per our ritual we religiously follow, it was our cleaning day.

Not me but Journey is big on cleaning the room spotless. She took me under her wing and made me her apprentice in this cleaning spree.

We did laundry, dusting, putting everything at their rightful places, recycling goods that aren’t needed anymore and throwing the trash out.

Sunday was my day off and after utilizing half of the day organizing our humble abode, we planned the other half with our friends.

An hour of deciding later, we all agreed on going to bowling alley.

I quickly showered until I was dirt-free and smelling fresh and rosey.

I picked my go to outfit, a black short long enough to almost reach past my mid-thigh and hide my ass cheeks from showing paired with a halter neck white top.

I let my hair down in their usual straightness that reach my lower back and applied a thin eyeliner on my eyelids that made my brown eyes look intense and alluring.

I tucked a leather jacket in my bag in case I feel cold which is a high probability.

I put on my cute nerdy frames which I recently got for myself since I was diagnosed with myopia.

In case you are getting confused with what that means, I am shot sighted, even metaphorically but that’s not the point. I can’t see far objects clearly and so I've to wear spects to see a person or thing from afar.

I wish they made lenses to see the far away future too. But Alas!!

I put away my phone in my shorts pocket and tied the laces of my white sneakers before calling for Journey to hurry up.

I like dressing up and fussing over myself when I shower after cleaning the room. It’s like I washed away the negatives and charged with a positive energy.

Journey kept running around the room for her last-minute keeps lending us into a heated debate with the guys who kept accusing us of never being on time which is true. Not.

It's always the guys who end up requesting to bring along something or the other which requires some time on our end to find.

But being such a good friends we never say no to them and at last we are the culprits for getting everyone late.

Not fair.

Journey sat in the passenger seat with Nate in the driver’s and Sam in the backseat.

Pene sat down on the bike behind Arden before I could make my way to it.

Guess I am sitting with Sam in the backseat.

We made idle conversation through the route, occasionally teasing our love birds making them blush a light shade of pink.

They were holding hands in the front as we sang aloud to our favorite songs from one direction.

Like me and Journey, Nate is a big fan of One-D. I am quite sure it was the sailing point of their friendship too which got them talking to each other so much.

Sam doesn’t object to our choices of song as long as he knows the lyrics to it, which he does by now to heart.

It’s weird how Arden never heard a song of them. I don’t know why we are friends. That asshole keeps riling me up about my poor taste in music.

I even questioned him once on how we ended up being bestfriend. We are polar opposites.

He likes bitter coffee and I like it a touch too sweet.

He is a movie geek while I am a bookworm.

He loves adventures while I am scared of the unknowns.

He loves challenges while I avoid them.

He lives in the present while I run for the future.

He is a fitness freak and a gym rat, too fit while I am panting dog when I run a lap of the ground.

He loves healthy food while I live on junk.

I guess you can understand how different our choices are.

After ten minutes of driving around we finally reached the bowling alley.

We got all the formalities done and selected our shoe sizes. Pene kept fussing about making Arden wear the shoe she selected which were hot pink in color and in turn he selected the polka dots for her.

They love teasing each other and glaring at one another. I should be familiarized with it but somehow there is always a pang in my heart everytime they giggle and laugh.

It reminds me of the person he likes in a way he never saw me as.

I shut those thoughts away since I am here to have fun.

We moved to our alley and picked our balls. (Not the ones you are thinking ;))

A lighter one for me mercy of the ever-loving Sam who loves teasing me about my short height and small body.

We seated ourselves in the sofa while Pene and Arden took turns beating each other’s ass.

I was looking around feeling out of place with Nate and Journey in their happy bubble and Sam making a phone call to someone urgently.

I didn’t think I would see a familiar face until my eyes landed on the guy in the next alley.

A smile lit up his face mirroring mine as my feet walked me to where he was standing.

“You? What are you doing here?” I questioned Ryder.

“I own this alley baby.” He said with an easy smirk forming on his face.

I gaped at him trying to figure out if he was telling the truth. By the looks of the smile that was forming on his face with my utter confusion, he was definitely humoring me.

“Ha ha.” I rolled my eyes at him and he chuckled before sweeping me in a bear hug.

“I missed your eyerolls. Damn woman!” He shrieked when I elbowed his abs when he half suffocated me to death.

“As if.” I rolled my eyes at him again making me realize how much I have been doing it recently being in his company.

If you all might have forgotten let me introduce you to this asshole with a cute genuine smile but an irritating smirk all the time.

Ryder Cayden, the guy who bumped with me in my Anatomy class and riled up Mr.Peterson. He is a year ahead of me in the same course which got me seeing him a lot more than I wanted.

We didn’t start on the right foot and I hated him for his attitude and carelessness towards studies until I got paired up with him for some extra credit project and saw his completely 180° transformation.

I had to half-heartedly exchange numbers with him for discussing the timings of the meetups for the project and it was then we both realized he was the guy I pranked all that time ago and have been sharing tad bits of my day with.

It was hard to digest this new found information but then I saw him in a different light and trusting my instinct, I gave up fighting him to prove his difficult playboy attitude and made friends with him.

He once spoke about his love for someone special that he still never revealed the name of, but whenever he talk about her, he looks so in love. It’s cute.

We both are in the same situationship and thus we can extremely relate to the other. It’s weird sometimes but sometimes it’s nice to have someone understand your exact feelings without you having to elaborate it.

We both have our good days and sad days and have each other as a person to rant to freely without judgement and seeking honest opinions from.

We grew closer as we spend almost half a day doing project together for a month, the time when I was running away from my own friends.

I would work in the diner and spent the leftover time in the library with him researching for our project report.

He was the one keeping me a bit sane while I was lonely and lost.

Our friendship bloomed with loneliness and accepting each other’s broken selves. We knew we were there to stay.

That asshole makes me all senti sometimes. Idiot.

I caught up with him in a minute when Arden called me for my turn. He took a second longer to look at Ryder questioningly.

I chuckled at him before giving Ryder a catch-you-later sign and narrowed my eyes at his teasing before going back to where everyone was.

Ryder spanked my ass playfully and I glared at him jokingly.

I moved back to my alley with my friends giving me suggestive glances and questioning the hot guy in the next alley.

The graph of my day was inclining upwards with happiness away from chaos, with a storm building up in hindsight.