Sanity to my Insanity

Chapter-19

Hello everyone! I am back with another chapter of Dylan's life.

Happy reading, cupids!!

💙💙💙💙

Dylan

We spent about an hour showing our non-existent skills while Pene and Arden were engrossed in their own competitiveness to score the highest strikes. The one with the most gutter balls among them will give a treat to the other. They can be pretty childish when it comes to them.

I looked at the neighboring alley and saw Ryder having fun with his friends. His expressions would change for a millisecond before he would mask it away with a smile.

That smile was less than the real one. It was missing a certain happiness of belongingness and love.

I sent a quick prayer to god to help him sort out his problems.

It was my turn to throw the ball down the gutter. I picked the ball from the rack and made its neighboring one annoyed due to some reason. Thus making it land on my foot due to my clumsiness.

I put my other foot on the hurting one to soothe the pain.

Sam guided me to the sofa to sit while I was pondering how I was still not used to getting hurt by my clumsiness after all these years.

I gave them an easy smile and pushed them to play and not waste time. I removed my shoe and looked at my foot, which thankfully didn’t flatten like a bread from the ball’s weight.

Although my foot was hurting and I knew I would be sporting a big blueish bruise right in the middle of my foot.

Ig bye bye my comfy sandals for a week. I’ll have to wear my Converse until the bruise fades away.

Arden brought an icepack for me to numb the pain while the others completed the game and we were soon walking out of the bowling alley with my bruised foot and a sulking Arden as he lost the challenge which I was partially responsible for.

I don’t know why it happens with me, but I always feel guilty in situations when I couldn’t have done anything to change it.

At times, it is not my fault, but I end up blaming myself for it. I know I do it unintentionally, but these thoughts never go away.

Sam and Nate kept teasing me about the alley guy, aka Ryder, and built a whole fictional story about him and me.

It was so ridiculous, almost funny, that I couldn’t help but laugh aloud at it.

Maybe it was the first genuine laugh I had the whole eve.

Sam helped me climb in the backseat because of my foot as everyone kept fusing around me.

Arden was silent, observing the distance.

I looked away from him and decided to let him be and not try to get a read on him again.

I am done trying to worry about everything when it comes to that one person. He is as much of a friend to me as others, so I need to stop prioritizing him and his mood.

Sam insisted on taking me to the doctor first to check for broken bones, and I couldn’t argue on it as I feared the same outcome.

We all drove to the hospital, and Journey accompanied me inside the cabin as she was the most sane amongst us.

I prayed to God not to let it be a fracture. One thing I am most scared of is injuries and the aftercare when it comes to myself.

I would treat the patient just fine, but I know I won’t be able to bear the treatment.

I hate injections, IVs, and basically needles of any sort.

After reviewing my X-ray scan for a few careful minutes, the doctor declared a minor fracture in my foot, which can be healed with some pain relieving tablets, cramp bandage plaster, and icepack

The doctor advised me to rest my foot and walk when utterly necessary. Journey took notes of everything so sincerely it almost made me cry.

Maybe it was my hormones messing with me early that is getting me so frustrated and teary simultaneously.

Journey helped me out of the cabin and gave the prescription slip to Nate. She explained to everyone what the doctor said while I sat there tired and ready for the day to be over with already.

Not that I could tell that to them since we still have dinner to go to and I wouldn’t want to spoil their fun because of me.

Maybe I'll catch up with my sleep later.

Nate brought back the cramp bandage and other medicines in those awkwardly long five minutes when Arden kept giving me a weird look, which I couldn’t decipher but can’t overlook.

Talk about awkwardness between friends.

I tried wrapping the bandage on my foot but couldn’t bend myself without it hurting a bit. Seeing me struggle, Arden grabbed the roll and started wrapping it like a trained nurse.

He does have scope in this field. If only(sigh).

Never mind.

After securing the bandage around my foot, Journey helped me to the car, and my heart hurts with thought of why he couldn’t do that simply.

The whole ride I wondered why is this strange feeling in the atmosphere, what is he avoiding and why?

The dinner was a mess. Everyone had their own speculations of my relation with Ryder, which were turning so ridiculous.

“Who was the guy?” Nate asked in all serious no bullshit tone.

“Are you dating him?” Sam was the one to directly address the question without beating around the bush.

“Yay Dylan! A hot and kinky guy, huh? I saw the ass spank. He is so sexy babe. Enjoy with him to the fullest.” Pene said with a wink.

Journey just laughed while Arden scowled.

How are my two bestfriend’s expression so polar opposite?

Ughhhh.

“Guys! He is just my friend. He is a year ahead of us, and I've been talking to him for the extra credit project we are assigned together. It’s not what you are thinking. He is just a friendly guy in general.” I said over the chaos.

“It didn’t seem just friendly, Dylan. The way you two hugged was screaming something else, but as you say. Do let us know if anything changes.” Nate always has a way of infuriating me with his sarcasm and I-know-it-all talks.

“Sure Nate, because you’ll know it better than me always, right?” I said with a sarcastic smile. I continued eating my fries silently.

“I didn’t mean it like that. There was nothing to sulk about like a kid.” Nate said with a shrug. I wanted to rip his head off. Sorry, Journey. “Are you on your periods?” He asked so easily as if the only reason I can be mad at him is because of my periods and not because he said something wrong.

“No Nate. It doesn’t always have to do with periods. You know, sometimes you say things like you know it all. But you don’t. You keep telling me to move on when you don’t know first thing about it. Then you pretend to know what’s my relation with Ryder is more than I know. Do I really need you to tell me how I feel about someone whom you don’t even know for more than a minute. Why do you have to make a big deal about whether or not I am seeing a guy. I’ll tell you all if I am, so why do you have to pry and scrape for the truths. Just leave it be guys. Just let me be. And Nate it’s the last time I am telling you guys We Are Just Friends. Don’t look for hidden truths there ‘cause there are none. And respect my bloody privacy sometimes.”

I rushed out as fast as I could with my fat foot and punched the wall beside me in anger.

“Woah. That was a nice punch you threw. I am may be not a bad teacher after all.” Arden said with a teasing smile.

I tried to smile but was too tired to come up with one.

“Can you drop me to my room? I am tired as hell.” I asked in a small voice.

“Sure honey. Come on. I’ll tell them we are leaving and I’ll take you home.” He said while fluffing my hair.

I huffed at him, annoyed and rolled my eyes, trying to settle my hair back.

“Guys she is a little tired, so I am taking her back to dorm on my way back home. Don’t worry about her.” He said with an assuring smile to them before grabbing our things and coming out the door to where I was sitting on a chair.

I liked what I heard. He didn’t try to give bullshit excuses for my behavior and neutralize it all to nothingness. He supported me when maybe they all were trying to pacify Nate like a kid.

“Thank you, Arden.” I said after he helped me climb on his back before he sat himself in the front.

“Wouldn’t want you to get fracture on the other limbs now. How you would actually look with bandages on all limbs. Such a mummy look-alike.”

The image was too funny to not burst out laughing at its ridiculousness.

“Not for that dumbass. For not giving excuses for my outburst and letting me be unapologetically honest this once infront of them.”

“Ofcourse Dylan. I am proud of you for saying all that to him. You realize this was the first time when you were not ranting about his sarcastic remarks to us or how infuriating he is when he gets all sarcastic and then tolerating more of his shitty comments just for the sake of being friends and not hurting him.”

“I know. Stop being an asshole okay? I just don’t like hurting anyone. If I could just rant it out and then forget about it, so wouldn’t it be nice. I won’t be hurting anyone.” I said with a giddy childish smile.

“No. Because you are not stopping him from hurting you further. You don’t need to tolerate his bad attitude. You don’t like it, you say it. So he doesn’t do that again, or he won’t stop saying shit that hurts you because he never knew it was hurting you.”

“Maybe you are right. Whatever. I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Sure Ma’am. So what do you want to talk about?”

“You don’t want to ask about Ryder?” I asked him curiously.

He shrugged and shook his head at me. “We’ll talk about him whenever you want to share about him with me.” He said it so easily without knowing how much it meant to me.

Growing up with over-protective brothers is not easy. Them prying about every guy you talk to and threatening their existence just because they were in the same space with you.

That’s why Nate’s sarcastic remarks get to me so much. He sometimes acts like my brothers, which makes me feel suffocated.

I don’t want to be tied to answer someone about my personal life. I want to share about it on my terms. I hate being interrogated accusingly as if talking to someone was wrong or hugging someone in a friendly manner was wrong.

And I hate when they pass their judgment of a person they don’t even know just because they are trying to protect me.

I don’t want them to protect me. I’ll protect myself even if I fall. I’ll be the judge of what to do or what I am doing.

Let me fall and help me pick myself up again rather than trying to stop me from falling and making the mistakes I want. Somewhere making those mistakes is important to find yourself.

I hate how my brothers want to stop me from falling in love to protect me from heartbreak. Nate is turning just like my brothers. And I hate it!!

Arden is different, though. He doesn’t pry for information. I don’t know if I should put it as him being uninterested to know about these tad bits of my life, or he just understands my need for space so effortlessly.

The ride was silent with my internal monologues disturbing the quiet of my mind.

He dropped me at the gate of the dorm. Now he wasn’t heartless and insisted strongly to carry me to my room but some lines were better not crossed even accidently.

I don’t know if I could handle his innocent touches ever without wanting to feel more of them.

I limped to my room, narrowly escaping another injury due to my clumsiness.

After locking the door, I walked to my room and managed to undress and dress myself without tearing my favorite outfit and getting ready for bed.

You know, sometimes I wonder how a person could have such a shitty day when all the shit drops on them one after the other.

And then it happened with me, leaving me cursing my fate for bringing so much misery altogether and sympathetic towards those who have the same shitty fate sometimes.

But these good and bad days give a balance to life and hope that another good day will come soon.

Maybe I am way too optimistic in perceiving life, but it gets me through it better than crying ugly.

A person can not smile always, but they don’t always cry too.

So just pamper and love yourself. Maybe spoil yourself a little too, and you won’t want someone else to do that for you.

Maybe Nate and Sam were right. I gotta move on from Arden.

He still likes or loves Pene and would want to spend more time around her quite understandably, and they are a better match than me and him too.

It's like destiny is giving me all the reasons to let go of this unrequited love before it gets too painful to bear.

My heartbeats were learning to thud normally without skipping beats.

The electrocardiogram of my heart will soon wire itself back to the functioning normal rhythm without brokenness and hurting.