Existential

Chapter 13

Why the hell is he doing this? Last time I checked he wanted the least to do with me. I haven't even talked to him since Junior year, why is he doing this now?
"Fucking Tom," I mutter under my breath and shake my head. Josh raises an eyebrow at me before wincing and relaxing his face.
Tom was one of my friends last year. Well, at the beginning. Then he started telling me off randomly and so I started to make fun of him. Eventually we both did something we regret and he hates me. Why the hell is he deciding to terrorize me again? I haven't even seen him around school more than three times this year.
I sigh and run a hand through my hair. Josh stares at me and I try to think of anything to do. What's the connection here? What triggered this to happen? Tom isn't even the fighting type.
"Uh did he say anything to you before?" I stammer out and look at my best friend. He nods and his eyes squint together. I can tell it must have been terrible because water pools in the corners of his eyes. Josh runs his hands over his face and breathes heavily before opening his eyes. I smile softly at him as he covers his mouth with his clasped hands.
"You can tell me Josh," I whisper. He sighs and drops his hands to the wooden desk. Josh stares down at his hands and his hands twitch slightly.
"He um- told me that he wanted you to feel hell. He uh doesn't want you to be happy. That eventually after destroying the things close to you he will destroy you too. I don't know why he's suddenly doing this Alice," Josh stammers out and he grabs onto my hands that seem so fragile now. "He told me he's going to make everyone hate you first. Then he takes your friends away. Then he makes sure that Tyler never wants you again. Then he said specifically he will do worse than your parents have ever done."
Tom. Tom is a fucking idiot. Does he know who he's dealing with? I am the most manipulative bitch at this school. He's a fucking nobody, how the hell is he going to do all this? I guess two can play at this game, it starts with securing the troops. Well first I should probably make sure Tyler and Josh will be okay.
"C'mon Josh," I mumble and stand up. He slowly follows and I'm leading him out of the library. "We need to find Tyler," I tell him and Josh nods. We walk down the hallway side by side and I can only imagine what's going on in my best friends head. He's probably scared. Hell, I should probably be scared too but for some reason I feel...I feel nothing. I don't feel fear and I don't feel sadness. The familiar feeling of numbness spreads through me and I silently thank it.
Sometimes it's nice to be numb. I like not feeling anything, it makes it easier in situations like this. No complications with interfering emotions or being distracted by tears and nerves. I haven't felt this way since Tyler took me out of the park.
I push the wooden doors open the chaos of the cafeteria invades my ears. Josh grabs onto my hand as I push through students. I walk past the trash cans and Tyler's table comes into view. I push through a couple freshmen and I finally spot Tyler. As I walk up to him the people around him quiet down and I furrow my eyebrows.
"Tyler," I poke his shoulder and he turns to face me. He smiles initially but then his lips turn down to frown.
"Uh hey Alice," he mumbles and pulls at his sweatshirt sleeves.
"I'm sorry about earlier but we have a more pressing matter right now." I gently grab one of his hands and he flinched slightly at my touch.
"I'm-I am kind of busy Alice." His eyes flick back and forth and he takes his hand away from me. Okay, now that numbness earlier is replaced with hurt. I feel someone else's hand wrap in mine and I can only assume it's Josh. I squeeze his hand and a frown grow on my face.
"Tyler what's wrong?" I ask quietly and I hope he hears me. His face controls slightly and he stares at the ground.
"You have to stay away from me Alice. I can't be around you," Tyler mumbles. I furrow my brows and my mouth hangs slightly open.
"What-what do you mean?" I stammer.
"I don't fucking want you around me! God, do you not understand English Alice," Tyler suddenly yells and I flinch.
He doesn't mean it. He can't mean it. He doesn't mean that. I feel tears pool in my eyes and I squeeze them shut. My efforts to keep from crying are useless since they roll down my cheeks anyways.
"Don't cry Alice. Please don't cry," Tyler whispers and I feel his arms try to hug me. I open my eyes and throw Tyler's arms from me. I stare him dead in the eyes as hurt flashes across his face.
"Don't fucking pretend your hurt. You just told me to leave you the hell alone. I can't fucking believe this Tyler. I'll leave all your shit on your doorstep. Don't try to talk to me," I burst out and I turn on my heel. This day is a god damn disaster. This whole day has gone terribly. I'm so fucking mad and hurt and sad and I wish I was numb like I was minutes ago.
I look up to Josh's kind eyes and his familiar sympathetic smile. He grabs my hand and looks behind me before tugging me away from Tyler. I lean into Josh and he lets go of my hand to wrap his arm around my shoulder. I put my arm on his waist as we walk through the cafeteria. As we get further and further from Tyler I can feel myself ache more and more.