Existential

Thank You

This story has gone many places with me. It traveled with me through my freshman year of high school and the first semester of sophomore year. I have gone through a lot. Most of those things I talked about in those authors notes. Thank you to all of you who read them and reply to them. I can't even explain how sincerely I love and enjoy that, I like that you guys listen to me ramble.
So here is me rambling for the last time for probably a few months.
Alice represents many things to me. I wanted her first to represent power. Those people who mask their pain with their effect on people who can't do anything. She was someone I kind of wished I could be, I respected power more than vulnerable pain. Next she represented the broken child from an abusive home. I was never physically abused and bringing that element into the story even surprised me. I have only ever been verbally and emotionally abused, but people seem to recognize physical more. So therefore it is easier to portray physical than emotional and the effects on the child. Again going back to the power VS pain. She also represents that it is possible to recover. She began as this fucked up kid who wanted to fuck up other kids. Alice breathed in her power but Tyler was a burst of pure oxygen for her. Tyler was suddenly this kid who was already fucked up and is too sympathetic towards her. Eventually, as you all know, she does recover. I know the ending was kind of abrupt but I really wanted to emphasize the happiness in her life.
Whether I wrote about that happiness for me or you, I will not know. I do like the idea of happiness though. I hope all of you do too.
Back to me. I have already said my goodbyes to the characters and am moving on to my new set of characters. (I'm very excited to watch those characters grow as well.)
You experienced my writing through my year and a half of pain. My random phases of depression where I dropped writing completely. My sudden bursts of inspiration where I write a solid three chapters in one night. Making and breaking friendships. Finding and losing love. I liked a guy a whole lot last year and I have now grown to only want him as a friend. My homecoming date I was head over heels for wanted me as a side chick. Also my writing the day I found out he tried to kill himself because I didn't talk to him. I also wrote to you when I found out my old best friend tried to kill herself, twice this time. She has also turned to drugs. I'm writing this now with the hope she will be okay. I also have found a new romance, with a sweet boy who lives in Phoenix. I wish all of you could meet him. He treats me better than anyone ever has. I hope he stays that way. I'm writing this with a lot of uncertainty.
I'm uncertain anyone here really cares. But I will write anyways. I am uncertain Rowan, my sweet boy, will always stay sweet. I am now always scared a boy will hurt my heart somehow. I wasn't scared of that at the beginning of this story. I am uncertain of my mental health for the future. It seems every other day I will think of death. I hope I can turn out like Alice, she is happy now. I am uncertain I will have a nice time at Winter Formal. I don't know if I will be with Rowan on Valentine's Day. What is going to happen in May? What will my birthday be like? How will my summer be? What about next year? And the next? The rest of my life, will it even exist? I am just worried of my timeline because the past hasn't treated me too well.
I'm sure with this next story will be another adventure that happens beyond my keyboard. I will have more heartbreak, drama, lost friendships, sadness, and worries of my future. You all get to read what I wrote in different stages of my life. When I forced myself to write and when I was happy to write and when I wanted to give up writing. I'm glad a lot of you have stuck around though. This is beginning to be long and I'm sure no one will read all of this.
Thank you for sticking around for all of these stages. Thank you for reading. Thank you for liking my story. Thank you for listening to me. Thank you for supporting me. Thank you for the comments, I love those a lot. Thank you for everything you've sat through. Thank you for living at the same time as me. Let's hope our timelines last as long as possible.
Let's both look forward to the rest of our timelines.
I'll talk to you guys in a few months.
Stay alive
Kirsty